Raisin Brad 🍁

I’ve managed to avoid strategy planning/announcement meetings for 10 years and thank god because they’ve only gotten worse

Texting was invented to summon a Mr Freeze

The absolute lowest of the lows make the mids seem high, you’re just putting in the time at the bottom. #itgetsbetter

(Lying perfectly still in the backyard shade with arms and legs propped up so the inside elbows and back of the knees are straight and catching the breeze. Also holding a glass of iced coffee)

This is manageable

(The little shell macaronis are the mines)

It’s rarely pronounced correctly:

MINE-STROAN

Billionaire wants incentives to pay their way in the world that made them rich. In effect, believing that contributing to their community — taxes— should be voluntary. Unless you’re poor, otherwise pay up.

Sure, tho I should have put “smiling” first

They keep saying Christian instead of alt-right smiling hate monger.

It was the second least obvious one

José Berries, Braydon Fish, Mason Flujarty, Blake Smelt

Addison Burger

Cookie Betts

God: Would you like a wife or BBQ?
Adam:
God:
Adam:
God:
Adam:
God: «opens Skip the Dishes app»

Love ya, Buck! 💙💙💙

LAST CHANCE TO TURN OFF YOUR PHONE, BUCK

(asks Siri if Trump pays his bills)
😂

So cheap.

Is this Trump's new Golden Penis Plaza where the Rose Garden used to be?

There's hundreds of millions in financing to back up this exact plan. Seize the resources by duping the suckers. Mulroney did it, Harper did it. PP is ready to do it, but the Money is showing us Plan B.

That’s a shit-ton of Wonka bar wrappers

Strap him to the hood of the lead truck and cone on over

good lord he vagazzled the White House

If the enemy is the Confederate army, they'll let them go free for generations of unpunished power grabs while whistling Dixie.

He doesn't have to see it Dottie, he lived it.

A distraught Pee Wee learns the devastating truth about the Alamo basement

Trump sues Pacific Ocean for tsunami beach closures, threatens tariffs on Cascadia Subduction Zone.

SkyDome has more basements than the Alamo

A lot of people are saying this

It would be more fiscally responsible if Tim Houston built a huge tunnel to all the Oak Island gold.