Jonny Name’s Too Long

tapping the sign once more: fascism doesn't announce itself as fascism, it just declares that anything resembling antifascism is dangerous

why do people who are dickheads on the trail stay with you forever

Editor in chief, city editor, features editor

Fuck! Wet sock! Fuuuck!

I’d feel better if the fourth Ninja Turtle would fucking show up

Image of skinny stop motion alien from Asteroid City. He's absconding with an asteroid. Green background.

My most controversial Wes Anderson opinion is I think this guy could beat Goku in a fight.

it appears my arch-nemesis, me from yesterday, has struck again

Gilbo is bae

Yeah, I loved being my mother's son
I loved her so because
She was my faithful guardian

If you’ve never toasted a Twinkie over a campfire, I bring tidings of great joy.

I know that a lot of what I say has been lifted off of men's room walls

Anything I need from Disney+* is already on my hard drive.

*seasons 3-9 of The Simpsons

what time is the rapture because I wanna make sure our after party has enough snacks

I have decided to burn down Cleveland

BREAKING: Disney+ is to replace the two-season run of Andor with a recut version that runs for only five minutes, and is just Mon Mothma apologising profusely to Darth Vader for any inconvenience, and letting him have whatever he wants.

I’m gonna be honest, bud—that’s hot.

turns out the maps are just OK

now, sixth grader me was like, holy shit. why didn’t they go to the cops and tell them the klan was going to burn down the church? and she stands up and walks over, and in the softest, sweetest voice, says, “andy who do you think was also wearing the hoods?”

The First Amendment was cool while it lasted.

simultaneously realizing “wow, I own some records I forgot I have” and “wow, I don’t own Yankee Hotel Foxtrot”

The Vikings playing in an indoor stadium is the most chickenshit move imaginable.

OK hear me out

And a very fucking merry Bills season to you and yours.

When I go downtown, I always wear a corduroy suit,
’cause it’s made of a hundred gutters,
that the rain can run right through.

!!!

Nothing says “secure, reliable data management” like an Ethernet cable approximately twenty feet longer than you need shoved through your floor with a coat hanger and brute force.

I’m about to school 22 hung over men in cribbage AMA*

*don’t AMA I might lose

This is sick freak shit to say and it's alright to point that out

Diversify your passwords, folks. Don’t be like me.