One of these days, I'm going to write a concept album dedicated to all the dogs I see in airports.

I've been super arachnophobic my entire life, so of course, my brain tells me to look up how fast goliath bird eating tarantulas can run. It's 2-3 body lengths a second, which means they can probably keep up with my dog and also ME.

Had a dream that I had to argue in court that New Jersey doesn't exist, and my evidence was "the Philly shore." I won.

We all abandoned MapQuest, but MapQuest never abandoned us.

In life, I go where the lord takes me (our dog needs to sniff all the other dog's favorite spots before she comes inside and I don't have the heart to take her away from her sniffin' time).

That show ruled and disqualified me from holding public office.

Nobody should have a say in U.S. healthcare who haven't been vaccinated. And by vaccinated, I mean survived multiple Philly basement shows full of unwashed crust punks without a massive respiratory infection, of course.

Someone at the grocery store thought it best to turn off 90's mega hit 'The Way' by Fastball, so if anybody needs me, I'll be at customer service going full Karen.

The Blob is literally a cuddle monster.