Vee

A three panel cartoon starring an octopus, a shark, and a jellyfish. In the first panel, the octopus says, "I ONCE SAW A HUMAN AND PEED MYSELF." In the second panel, the shark says, "A HUMAN SAW ME, AND HE PEED HIMSELF" In the last panel, the jellyfish says, "A HUMAN TOUCHED ME ONCE, AND HIS FRIEND PEED ON HIM." In response, the octopus says, "DUDE..." and the shark says,"WHAT?" Comic is watermarked by @wawawiwacomics

This always makes me laugh

Fucking hell, what a day that must have been! I had to drive to my husband's office once to get his keys because I forgot mine, which wasted an hour of my day

Why do brains have to be such dicks??

It wouldn't be the first time I've looked myself out. Wouldn't even be the tenth. I'm usually much better at checking I've got them before I leave, but I was in a rush. I should probably put a spare in my wallet or something just in case.

I've done that before, and my god, the fear when your keys aren't where they're meant to be.

Boy, do I love the minor panic I get as I pull onto my drive, unable to remember if I picked up my door keys.

I have achieved Peak Kitchen Wizard. I went to check on my cookies a mere 4 seconds before the oven timer went off.

(Don't be too impressed, I'll be back to my normal Pillock in a Pinny standards before you know it)

Do I know anyone on here with a proper Scottish accent, ideally a femme voice from Glasgow. I have a few lines in a play that I’m currently butchering and could really use a voice note 🙏

The image features a man dressed as a bearded Viking warrior wearing a metal helmet. The overlaid text follows a repetitive structure that emphasizes reducing the number of "battles" one takes on: "Pick your battles." "Pick fewer battles than that." "Put some battles back." "That's still too many battles." The humor stems from the irony of a fierce Viking—a figure traditionally associated with frequent warfare—giving advice on how to avoid unnecessary conflict.

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I keep meaning to try that, but never remember until after I've eaten. What do you do with the whites? Are you up to your ears in meringue?

Two-panel comic. Panel one: A fluffy black cat with huge round eyes lies stretched out on a rainbow-colored surface against a soft blue and pink gradient background. The text above reads, “Just so you know…” Panel two: Close-up of the same wide-eyed cat, tiny fangs slightly visible, looking directly at the viewer. The text reads, “You’re pretty biteable.”

This is good educationing

I'd go out in my slippers if I could!

I don't think I've had blue ones. It seems a bit of a waste to use posh eggs to make cakes!

I know that eggs come in all manner of colours, but I rarely see any that aren't some shade of brown.

Ooh, I think I've had some fancy pale green ones before! They were such a pretty colour, had really vivid yolks if memory serves

They just look wrong to me!

Tbf, in this house if they're left unattended long enough, a teenager will appear and write TWAT on them

A wire basket holding two dozen eggs. All but 5 are completely white. The 5 brown ones are at the top of the basket because they need using first.

Why do I find white eggs vaguely unsettling? Look at them, the pale little weirdos

My parents were so committed to the bit it was my sister's almost middle name too. Like me, she ended up without one. My brother has a one that he never uses, but then again he barely tolerates his first name

Yay Fran 🎉

I don't have a middle name either. I almost got one (Louise, obviously, like 80% of British millennial girls), but my parents decided I didn't need it.

Green box with opening instruction picture that resembles someone pulling their arse open with the forefingers of both hands, sorry no funny or twee or slightly arch explanation comes to mind here, it's just nasty.

Roses are red,
I would rather not see
A packaging box
Inspired by goatse.

For your consideration, a timeline clense.

Edgar Allan Paws doing what he loves best, sitting in a sink and getting water all over himself. In slow motion.

Oooh how exciting! May the process be swift, painless, and as stress free as possible x

Oh well done Animal! That's fantastic news 🎉

He's a mean little owl 😭

Screenshot from duolingo. I have translated the German sentence "Sie ist Bäckerin, aber ihr Küchen ist schrecklich" into its English equivalent: "She is a Baker but her cake is awful"

Ouch Duo, hit me while I'm down why don't you

Oh Moose, I'm so sorry for your loss. Condolences and hugs to all who loved her 💜

I do not like sofa shopping, nothing is ever quite what you're looking for. Except the one that is absolutely perfect but three times your budget