idiot larper

Holding up a little sign that says “please stop” as the notorious serial killer, Illiterate Bob, stabs me to death

Mike Johnson always looks like he's got something sardonically funny to say but he's just thinking about if The Matrix was only for unmarried women

be more like Al Green.

as your next president, i promise you i will spend 1 trillion dollars on producing top quality transgender afro-colombian mice for the great nation of lesotho

genuinely infuriating, can’t believe i thought for a minute that Dems were about to do the same thing 1 by 1

badly losing my argument with the judge about whether or not shouting “Macbeth” in a crowded theatre is protected speech

watching this then going back and watching the golden escalator speech really punctuates how we’re all the frog in boiling water when it comes to how bad his word salads have gotten over the years, you can see the etch-a-sketch doing cartwheels in his fucking brain

with all the love in my heart, there is almost nobody on this earth that needs 300 law school professors, 80% of baseball twitter, and six dozen moms from nova scotia on a single account

me and my bluesky publicist are making a terrible youtuber apology video for all of you i’ve unfollowed after wrecking my feed with starter packs last year to the tune of 2,000 random people

i still feel this so often, especially when i’m trying to sleep or when i’m just waking up in a fright

yeah it’s not great :/ have seen some people saying AfD did worse than some previous polling at least but that number is still fucking scary

from what i’ve read it seemed to follow the polls, except the left party did stronger than expected. AfD at 20% in second place so not great

when in public i always make sure to thank uniformed US military personnel for their service and tip them 20%. 25% if they did a good job at War

your outie has clout. your outie is sigma. your outie is the proprietor of an adult entertainment venue in a place called Final Fantasy XIV

YouTube video by GrogFM The Worst MIDI You'll Ever Hear

making a reddit post to ask if i’m the asshole for fucking my girlfriend in perfect sync with this

youtu.be/0m1fL-5fp30?...

i have literally never watched a hockey game in my life before tonight and i’m jumping up and down and yelling excessively

PLOT ARMOR BABY

📌

not long now and they’ll be redefining mixed-use as “single-family mcmansions underneath freeway overpasses”

elon just deleted “public_transit.exe” from the “infrastructure stuff” folder at the Government because of this post. i’m so sorry

the democrats then immediately send 80 million americans a 700-word fundraising text

chuck schumer shits himself live at the press conference, says “this one’ll really Dump Trump™️” then winks at the camera

new tech startup called Zeitgeist whose only product is a subscription-based machine that tells you exclusively false information and leaks your social security number

IPO valuation: 1.7 trillion USD

i am but a humble public servant

The year is 2030. The nation of Kiribati sinks underwater and their UN seat is given to a new, mysterious country called “Israel 2”

The year is 2029. Elon Musk has issued an executive order to ban all Punisher comics, re-write them to be “more like a cool dark MAGA cop guy”

i heard you gasp at the plausibility of that last one, my little minion reading this

The year is 2028. Eggs cost 0.00161 BTC per dozen.

California’s 9.0 earthquake/fire tornado/UFO incident relief effort has been cancelled due to it having scheduling conflicts with Davos.

J.K. Rowling is being awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom.

another hollywood nepo baby