Kimploded

Shout out to my bird who wolf whistled after I burped

Ok I'm done

I HAVE DELARED A CEASEFIRE BETWEEN YOUR MOM AND MY HOUSE

Family is off the boat from Scotland, big family clan still has a castle there, I've never been and I'm stuck in Florida. I think this actually DOES justify me throwing haggis at traffic, officer.

According to my mammogram, I have "dense breasts". Fellas.

Saw this today. Relatable.

That seriously sounds SO good!

Just because you know things about me doesn't mean you know me. Know what I mean?

I can't believe we have a Pope from Illinois. People from Chicago usually hate the Cardinals.

How did the new Pope pass up the opportunity to say he's on a mission from God?!

I can't hear the word "symbolism" without hearing it like Willem Dafoe says it in The Boondock Saints.

"Enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. The years go by as quickly as you wink, enjoy yourself. It's later than you think."

Thinking about Terry this morning.

I've been dubbed the most patient person in the world, as well as a Disney princess. Well I'm getting a little impatient at these woodland creatures not helping me with this goddamn laundry...

Anyone else just barely hanging on

You're not a cat owner until you've given your couch a haircut.

Remember when he said if he was elected he would be the last elected president? I remember. Pepperidge Farm remembers.

Woman wants Sour Patch Kids. Woman eats Sour Patch Kids. Woman feels incredibly nauseous from the Sour Patch Kids. Woman repeats the cycle until she dies. Sour Patch Kids inherit the earth.

Gonna open a store that's medical marinara. Here are your breadsticks and marinara sauce that's homemade by an older Italian woman, god speed. That shit will cure all that ails you.
Want a gluten free strain? We got you. Cheese? Mozzarella, vegan, the world is your curd. Go get catatonic my friend.

Elliot Easton's solos on Just What I Needed are just... *chef's kiss* I wish he was more in the conversations of great guitar players.

Found out the hard way that Scotch tape is false advertising.

I haven't been here since Steve Albini passed because this was his place for me. The reply guys and hyperbole posters have taken over Threads and I just now see that some of my favorite people are here. Please be sane 💜

Threads' insanity had me forget about you for a minute, Bluesky. I still love your smaller population peacefulness, though. (Not sarcasm)

Just saw Book of Mormon. Take out the religion and you've basically got midwesterners.

Nothing like the AP Gov. teacher hitting on you at the parent teacher conference 😑

I normally don’t believe in god but Carter outlived Kissinger so praise be

DON'T DO IT

He was only 100 what a tragedy this is! Anyway I had the best coffee today.

God I am loving this weather in Florida right now. My hair finally looks GREAT.

Still from Star Wars (1977) showing Y-Wing pilot Tiree. Caption is: "The deals… they've stopped."

What does knowing all the words to Run DMC songs get you nowadays? Nothing I tell you. Nothing!