MartyDaxnger

ya know what, it must feel good as fuck to absolutely queen out drunk with your friends in your hometown after your sports team wins. I see the vision

the next 5 years boutta be so weird

driving into work after receiving numerous air quality warnings from the weather app

if I had a nickel for every time this month that I got dressed to go to the gym and then immediately passed out on the couch I would have two nickels, which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it happened twice

the potato chip and chocolate combo is so goated

the forgotten banana on my counter watching me pull another bundle out of the grocery bag

migraine so bad I tried putting my shoes on before my socks this morning

thank you for being so brave and saying this

shitposters, wya?

when the za hits and you start living in 3rd person perspective

got the the gym and realized I left my earbuds at home so now I have to drop the heaviest set of dumbbells on my head

sunny, I am at your service 🙂‍↕️

a woman wearing headphones and a necklace is sitting in a room ALT: a woman wearing headphones and a necklace is sitting in a room

trying to stay up to watch act 3 of arcane when it drops

just found out wicked is being released in 2 parts. lmao wdym?? we already know what happens, they drop a house on their home girl and tussle over a pair of kicks. come on now

need to be sitting on my couch under 2 blankets playing animal crossing and drinking a steaming chai latte out of one of these mugs

my face when a customer starts giving me attitude over the phone

why is he so tall

sorry boss man, can’t come in today. the trees in the forest are whispering secrets to me and I must listen

ran out of milk for my coffee this morning so I used gasoline

with tag cheeky monkey is such a finnddd!

anytime I hear “pizza party” in a corporate setting I immediately enter fight or flight

styrofoam is my mortal nemesis