Rain🖍️ @rain-wantsahug

Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ Stupid Baby Probably Not Even Related To God

Bullshit Newborn Not Even Christ https://theonion.com/bullshit-newborn-not-even-christ/

25.12.2025 18:30 — 👍 2444 🔁 402 💬 19 📌 18

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else

JD Vance Cries In Bathroom After Trump Uses ‘Piggy’ Nickname On Someone Else https://theonion.com/jd-vance-cries-in-bathroom-after-trump-uses-piggy-nickname-on-someone-else/

21.11.2025 19:00 — 👍 4607 🔁 608 💬 45 📌 20

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer SOUTH BEND, IN—Expressing horror at the sight of the health secretary’s bare torso emerging from the vat of grease, a local Steak ’n Shake employee reportedly screamed Friday after a nude Robert F. Ke...

Steak ’N Shake Employee Screams After Nude RFK Jr. Climbs Out Of Beef Tallow Fryer

21.11.2025 20:16 — 👍 4193 🔁 609 💬 65 📌 30

“I asked ChatGPT!” “I asked Grok!” Yeah, well I asked FR3-D1 and he said “.jmj error” and then read me a story about a man who turned into a tree.

18.07.2025 10:46 — 👍 88 🔁 34 💬 3 📌 0

13.07.2025 09:10 — 👍 2 🔁 0 💬 0 📌 0

Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate AUSTIN, TX—Realizing that every uterus had already been conquered, Tesla CEO Elon Musk reportedly wept Wednesday, for there were no more women for him to impregnate. “I have sown the many fields with ...

Elon Musk Weeps, For There Are No More Women To Impregnate

09.07.2025 14:59 — 👍 2337 🔁 165 💬 51 📌 9

Smurfs: A musical fantasy comedy voiced by a star-studded cast, with graphic sex scenes that technically don’t count as porn because Smurfs don’t have human genitalia.

The Onion’s Summer Box Office Preview
theonion.com/the-oni...

03.07.2025 21:00 — 👍 1028 🔁 66 💬 24 📌 9

How Deportation Works Authorities confirm suspects’ illegal status by arresting them.

How Deportation Works
theonion.com/how-dep...

01.05.2025 20:00 — 👍 3903 🔁 473 💬 54 📌 22

Elon Musk Creates Federal Employee Revenge Porn Database

30.04.2025 17:00 — 👍 2470 🔁 331 💬 59 📌 33

Ask your doctor for the codephrase. Make sure they are not an imposter.

30.04.2025 17:02 — 👍 178 🔁 29 💬 5 📌 2

Sleep Experts Suggest Cutting Back On God’s Light Before Bed

Sleep Experts Suggest Cutting Back On God’s Light Before Bed
theonion.com/sleep-e...

30.04.2025 20:00 — 👍 1720 🔁 113 💬 24 📌 8

The wise man sees there is two sides to every issue: my way or the freakin highway bud.

25.04.2025 17:04 — 👍 231 🔁 31 💬 2 📌 0

MYTH: Democrats use food stamps as a bribe so people will vote for them. FACT: Democrats would never be this cutthroat or clever.

Food Stamps: Myth Vs. Fact
theonion.com/food-st...

02.04.2025 19:00 — 👍 3262 🔁 439 💬 27 📌 15

The transgender flag with the text Happy Trans Day of Visibility

I know being visible is hard right now, and you’re no less valid for having to hide. Deep down, know that this is your day too. I love you x

31.03.2025 10:11 — 👍 67 🔁 21 💬 1 📌 0

i know i’m about to start my period because i keep crying over the baby ghast

23.03.2025 19:04 — 👍 336 🔁 25 💬 6 📌 1

14.03.2025 22:15 — 👍 3096 🔁 559 💬 29 📌 11

Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With Beaver

Report: More Americans Moving Away From Urban Areas For Rural Life Where They Have Escalating Feud With Beaver
theonion.com/report-...

14.03.2025 21:00 — 👍 1792 🔁 113 💬 36 📌 12

A black square. At the top right of the square is a purple almond shaped Night Vale eye with a white crescent moon in the iris. Below this in white text is the quote: Call me old-fashioned, but we should have never grown legs and crawled out of the ocean.

05.03.2025 18:00 — 👍 425 🔁 141 💬 4 📌 4

Reptile Handler At Birthday Party Ruthlessly Heckled By 6-Year-Old For Showing Amphibian CLEVELAND—Interrupting the man mere seconds after he removed a Japanese clouded salamander from its cage, local 6-year-old Matthew Cronin ruthlessly heckled a reptile handler at a birthday party for showing an amphibian, sources reported Friday. “Oh, come on, clearly that thing isn’t a reptile—it doesn’t even have scales!” said Cronin, who added that he wasn’t […]

Reptile Handler At Birthday Party Ruthlessly Heckled By 6-Year-Old For Showing Amphibian
theonion.com/reptile...

23.02.2025 19:00 — 👍 1837 🔁 137 💬 18 📌 6

The Magnus Protocol returns this week for the start of its second season. 👁

Hope you're all ready for a veritable terrormisu of horrors!

#TMagP

24.02.2025 00:29 — 👍 124 🔁 23 💬 4 📌 1

Oh yeah, Protocol returns this week. How we feeling?

23.02.2025 11:47 — 👍 51 🔁 2 💬 8 📌 0

Stomp and smell the flowers

21.02.2025 17:00 — 👍 170 🔁 25 💬 2 📌 1

❤️Happy Black History Month!❤️

01.02.2025 22:34 — 👍 29 🔁 2 💬 0 📌 0

Reporters: Please stop calling things DEI that are not DEI. This is only cementing the propaganda being used to legitimize the dismantling of all types of initiatives that are not DEI as well as legitimize efforts to end civil rights enforcement. Be specific with your language. Be accurate.

29.01.2025 19:26 — 👍 13486 🔁 2806 💬 229 📌 135