Greg

It's frankly tragic that "deviled" is an adjective only attached to eggs. Think of the possibilities

Pretending I'm a professional athlete doing media during a traffic stop and thinking the cop's taser looks an awful lot like a mic

Leaving a horse head on Video's doorstep so they know The Radio Star's still got shooters out there

*me, unsure what the difference between a racer and a racist is, staring at a burning cross*
"I don't think Dale would've wanted this"

*Grima Wormtongue whispering in my ear*
"They are trying to steal your birthright from you my lord"
*Me, nodding*
"You'll get no hit if you brought none"

Pomegranates fr be playing hard to get and it works on me every time

I think urinal etiquette should also extend to parking spots

I think when I learned that flour is actually what makes raw cookie dough dangerous is when I lost all of my remaining childhood innocence

*takes a drag and holds it out to the guy next to me at the bus stop*
"Want a hit?"
"Is that an EpiPen?"

They should make a dark and twisted version of Pokemon called Poopymon that would be cool I think

Tarot spreads? No thanks, I have the Old Farmer's Almanac

Neither rough nor tumble, but a secret third thing (crying)