gilda "appendicitis" radner

i feel like a fucking freak and i have for a very long time but we're not starting another hellthread

ok i'm doing a little better but i'm still quite upset. i feel very pathetic and disgusting still but hopefully i will feel better as time progresses

talking to someone rn

hold on let me check my notifications

when i die i deserve nothing more than the nothingness and i'm going to be remembered for who i really am beneath the facade of who you all really think i am

no one has ever faced any meaningful consequences for what they've done to me and they never, ever will.

when i was sixteen years old my stepfather, a black belt in isshin-ryu, almost murdered me by dragging me up a flight of stairs by my hair and throwing me down by his bed right in front of my mother

when i left college i had to move in with a 40 year old man who would scream at and physically intimidate me for how horrible of a roommate i was

in college i became so psychologically traumatized from what i did to myself that i was unable to speak for three months. i would walk around my college campus and for weeks i'd overhear people i didn't even know talking about me because i kept starting problems. i was seventeen years old

i had a huge headstart in life that most people in america don't have because i was raised in an upper middle class family in new jersey and i still managed to fuck everything up by failing to demonstrate basic human empathy

all my childhood i was told how i needed to do nothing but schoolwork so i could get into a good college and then when i finally got into a good college i treated everyone around me like dirt and dropped out after two semesters, leaving my own mother with $50k of debt. this is because i'm a disgrace

I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP I JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP

none of you would miss me if i was gone but i'm too much of a pussy to kill myself

every opportunity i have ever gotten has been undeserved and i should consider myself lucky for being able to fool anyone into believing that i'm not a disgusting fucking vermin

everything bad that has ever happened to me i have ultimately deserved. i deserved to be homeless

between the ages of eleven and seventeen my stepfather would sexually harass me multiple times a week, routinely commenting on my genitals, telling me about the various women he'd had sex with what kinds of porn he watched. him and his friends liked to get together and watch bestiality videos

when i was twelve years old i was routinely beat up and sexually assaulted oftentimes in the middle of class for being a faggot and nobody ever cared enough to make it stop

my earliest memory is of my mother telling me "you make me miserable" at the age of three years old at our house in new jersey while we were living below the poverty line

when i was twelve years old my dad berated me for hours on end for lying to him in a way he could not prove and then he threatened to overdose me on my medication before telling his girlfriend that i made him want to commit suicide

when i was seventeen years old i was molested by my doctor and i was too fucking stupid to realize it for years and when i finally had the courage to tell my mother what had happened she laughed at me

i just do things because i'm supposed to do them because that's what's societally expected of me but i have no actual drive to better myself in any way. all i want is for people to like me because of someone i don't even have the decency to actually be

dostoyevsky only became an orthodox christian after he was subjected to years of torture by the imperial russian government, where he was repeatedly subjected to mock executions and then exile

i wish i wasn't an awful excuse for a person because everyone's going to find out how horrible i am some day and abandon me in a time of need

i wish i knew how to stop letting my insecurities cause me to look down on people all the time but i never hit the social milestones i was supposed to because the specific kind of abuse i endured caused me to have absolutely no friends until i was seventeen years old

the extreme social ostracization i've been subjected to all my life has left me a broken husk of a person and an awful friend

"do you really mean that"

yes i do next question

Me on discord: Get his ass! (I don't know anything about him.) -- him is not verified or obvious from the context of this post.

I just like to participate and I'm very enthusiastic.

if i was the ceo of a social media company i would simply write yuri on main instead of crashing out

A copy of a book titled The Texas Israeli War 1999 with a cover that features an Israeli tank squaring off against Comanche warriors.

i think i need a copy of this insane novel

🧵: a community safety warning (or, yes, it's Laurelai Bailey again)