So I never forget that my story is not yet over.

Hotels in Wyoming have Wyoming shaped pillows

Every time I am in a hurry at the ATM, the person in front of me is trying to effect a hostile corporate takeover via that machine.

Dude, can I just get my $50?

Sexy astronauts have or-asms because there are zero Gs

Being on the wrong side of history when it's repeating itself is like failing an open-note test.

WTF America?

I don't believe we can.

The GOP is complicit.
The Supreme Court is bought and paid for.

I don't believe we're ever going to vote again. Trump is a cancer, and America is terminal.

Apparently, the generation following Gen Z is termed "Generation Alpha".

Back to the beginning of the alphabet.

Weird. I always thought that Forrest Gump was Gen-A.

"Who has the best calamari?"

"I don't know, they're itentacle!"

I'm so confused all the time, my spirit animal is the bewilderedbeest.

You've never heard this joke before because it's gnu.

Ah, White Castle.

Wee meat, again.

Or just plain evil

At the grocery store, as the cashier was handing me my receipt. I motioned toward an endcap display with protein powder.

I asked, "Do you know why that shelf is so heavenly?"

He shrugged.

"There's no whey in hell"

Metamucil?

More like Meta-deuce-il

To the people who stayed home on election day- or who actually thought a second term of Trump was a good idea.
Fuck You.

Republican sycophants…

The real hubris of Dump voters is believing that we're still friends after they vote to hurt us and our loved ones.

"I can be an adult about it!" is their claim.

Here is some high octane adulting. Ready?

Actions have consequences.

When an employer offers a low wage to candidates, it sends a message.

You don't deserve a nice place to live
You are legally entitled to vacation. You can afford a staycation
You aren't worth investing in, so we won't even try to keep you here.

I don't apply where I don't feel respected.

Misogyny is believing Taylor Swift and Beyonce sold their souls for success, but Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos earned their success

How does Hooters pay employees?

Owly

The Tesla GPS kept telling me to take the Third Reich

Schoolhouse Rock never prepared us for the fall of democracy.

Stop saying "It's going to be a long 4 years."

He is in too deep now. He can never be a private citizen again, lest he be held accountable.

He will take it all, and the GOP will gladly hand over. He will make himself king and the only way for him to keep power is brutal fascism.

America is dead.

Fire trucks are really water trucks

Dear MAGA,

The inauguration will be a private affair. Just Trump & the broligarchs in the rotunda.

No seating for you.

No special events to acknowledge your support.

Not to worry. There will be emails later urging you to buy Trump coins, shoes, bibles, hats etc.

Keep that cash coming.

Be best.

Snoop, I don't know if you were threatened or what. I'm just really disappointed that you're participating in this horrid charade.

Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is standing like a boss!