Robert Garnham

Ruminations of an Accidental Poet Part Two : On Being an LGBTQ Performer (and Human) It may not have escaped your notice that I’m quite gay. I’m steeped in gayness, ensconced in homosexuality, which I wear like a coat which sparkles iridescent in my undeniable queerness. I’m gay in…

Part Two of my autobiographical essay series about my life in performance poetry can be found here, pal.

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/11/27/r...

Ruminations of an Accidental Poet Part One: How I Became a Performance Poet Ruminations of an Accidental Poet, being the performance career of humorist, writer Robert Garnham

Once a week I will be posting an essay of autobiographical writing detailing the many adventures I’ve had in my performance career on my website. This week it’s How I Became a Performance Poet. I hope you enjoy them! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/11/20/r...

These Helpful Robots – A Piece of Short Fiction Let me catch it, pass it to you. Intense rain rolling down the windscreen of the bus, caught by the wipers, pass it over, the windscreen wipers, just for a few seconds, clearing the windscreen of t…

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/11/02/t...

Cola Tin – A Piece of Flash Fiction Today I went and sat on the terrace of a restaurant / bar on the seafront, at a picnic table, with a book and a Coca-Cola that I had ordered from the bar. I was reading the book and drinking the Co…

Some flash fiction I recorded today.

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YouTube video by Robert Garnham The Massive Text Message

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Are you Cool? Performed live in Edinburgh Visit the post for more.

Half a minute of silliness from Edinburgh professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/20/a...

I Wish I Was a Panda (Audio) Live from the Edinburgh Fringe Had a great time last night performing at Screech Night at Banshee Labyrinth.

One of the poems I performed last night in Edinburgh professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/14/i...

New poem: Glamping Here’s a poem about glamping. It’s one of those expressions I hate, along with ‘side hustle’.

New poem! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/11/n...

Into the Rhododendrons with Jack 1.’Let’s just slink through here’, I suggested, gesturing to the rhododendrons.          A hot tropical night. The sweat was pouring down my face. Out to …

A short story professorofwhimsy.com/2025/08/09/i...

Choose the new Plymouth Laureate of Words - Literature Works Plymouth Laureate of Words is a creative partnership between Literature Works, Plymouth Culture and The Box.

It’s time to pick the next Plymouth Laureate of Words, and I can think of no finer wordsmith than Richard Thomas. There are some fine applicants but my vote goes to RC Thomas. Vote here! literatureworks.org.uk/plow-2025-vo...

Sofa Phobia – Live in Penzance Here’s a video of my poem ‘Sofa Phobia’, filmed earlier this month in Penzance. It’s true, I do have a phobia of sofas. They’re disgusting things. It’s nice that I can laugh about these things.…

Here’s a poem I performed in Penzance earlier this month about my phobia of sofas. It’s true. It’s nice that I can laugh about these things. professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/23/s...

Surfer Dude – Live in Penzance This is an old poem, one of the first I ever performed. And I’m still performing it after 15 years! It’s not very long.

I’ve been performing this short poem at various places for fifteen years! It’s pretty silly. And not very long. professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/16/s...

Badger in the Garden – Live in Penzance Visit the post for more.

A poem from the other night professorofwhimsy.com/2025/07/13/b...

Impending Headache (1992) In 1992 I was 18 years old and wanted ever so desperately to be a writer. I was inspired by anyone who could make me laugh. Douglas Adams and Clive James were both very important in my writing aspi…

About a book I wrote when I was 18. It was . . Different!

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/06/29/i...

My Writing Career Part 2 : The ‘Bill’ Years (1985-2022) (This follows on from the previous blog). At ten years old, I did feel somewhat held back, and I worried that my stories about secret agent dogs were getting a bit old hat. In late 1985 I must have…

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/06/18/m...

My Writing Career Part One 1980-1985 (Age 6-11) I started writing my first book when I was six or seven years old. It was a rainy day at school and we weren’t allowed to go out and play, so we just had to stay inside and we were supplied with pa…

A blog about my formative years as a writer
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Spam Folder Spam folderApologies, yes, I definitelyWould have been at the important committee meeting,For I thrive on such and relishEvery moment in your company.But I am human, and mistakes occur,And when you…

New poem! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/06/07/s...

Honk HonkOh, when the goose is amorous,Willing to express his tender romantic inclinationsTo Mrs GooseAnd love is quite the possibility,Goose poetry forms in his mind,And words take on extra meaningTo w…

A poem professorofwhimsy.com/2025/06/05/h...

YouTube video by Robert Garnham Mister Scott is a Tosser - Excerpt from The Neon Yak, by Robert Garnham

Poem from my novel The Neon Yak. I actually wrote this poem 15 years ago while staying in a cabin in the jungles of Queensland, Australia. It’s nice to know that the location inspired me! It’s a poem about a schoolteacher I had when I was about 8. youtu.be/jCGGwdmh_Hs?...

Daddy Long-Legs / Stroganoff, Audio, Live in Exeter April 2025 Here’s me doing a couple of poems tonight in Exeter. Hope you like ‘em!

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/04/16/d... #poems

YouTube video by Robert Garnham Daddy Long-Legs

A silly #song youtu.be/7SDgu9SyEuU?...

Had a lovely writing day today. The ink is flowing! #books #writing

The Neon Yak My novel, The Neon Yak, has been published by Stoat Books. Stoat Books, 2025 Daniel Cooper lives in the wooded hills of suburban Surrey, close enough to the city to hear the motorway and the airpor…

My novel The Neon Yak has just been published. You can read all about it here professorofwhimsy.com/the-neon-yak/

YouTube video by Robert Garnham Home Delivery Man - Live in Bournemouth March 2025

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Cowboys on a Tugboat / Little House, live in Torquay, March 2025 Had a great night performing at Be Spoken in Torquay last night. Here are two poems from my set, the audience was a bit sizzled so I had to belt out some old and new bangers!

A couple of poems from last night’s gig professorofwhimsy.com/2025/03/18/c...

Writing ‘The Neon Yak’ I first started writing The Neon Yak about three years ago. I was going through some old poems that I had written while staying with my Grandmother in Surrey, she lived in an old two up two down co…

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/03/09/w...

YouTube video by Robert Garnham One Day I Levitated - Audio Excerpt from The Neon Yak

From my new novel youtu.be/kBaQFBHITqM?...

My novel The Neon Yak is published today by Stoat Books! www.lulu.com/shop/robert-...

Bumphead Gurnard – A Poem Hello, here’s a new poem for you. I hope you like it.

New poem! professorofwhimsy.com/2025/02/28/b...

Straight – The 2025 Version Hello, I’ve recently been going through the poems from my debut collection, Nice, which is now ten years old. How did that happen! Some of them are a little outdated because of the cultural referen…

This week I performed a new version of Straight, a banger from the early 2010s which helped me win many slams back when I used to do slams. I’d not performed it in ages but this is a rewritten version which seemed to go down well!

professorofwhimsy.com/2025/02/23/s...