Jack Kevorkian

Super looking forward to being back in the office with my shaved skull to hide the balding. The first week or two should no doubt provide many witty comments and laughs at my expense.

Like when I got glasses, but now I’m bald with glasses.

What’s the top joke I will hear?

I love a good plan!

This popped up in my fb memories today.

No matter where you are or what you’re doing I hope you’re staying safe and doing something epic!

This wasn’t even a friend literally just some random dad at the shop. I’d like to think my friends wouldn’t do that.

Pretty disappointed in a fellow dad that I had to remind today that the young shop attendant probably wasn’t flirting with him and was likely just being polite to ensure additional rostered shifts to earn minimum wage whilst getting sleazed on by men old enough to be their dad

Far from over at that price.

Imagine dropping your drink bottle in a bush and never finding it again

I’m not allowed to put olives in the family focaccia 😢

You ever just sit around and think, I’m going to bake a focaccia

Smith & Caughey’s Santa’s Enchanted Forest ain’t like it used to be 😢

Imagine being that mad

I don’t know what my animals are up to but this seems un sanctioned

Overhearing technical problems that are easily solved but you don’t want to become that humans chosen IT oracle

I sure do prefer opening Bluesky in public unlike the billionaires hellscape.

Thanks team! You’re awesome!

😂😂😂

Maybe just because I’m not used to them I am making them grubbier than pro glasses users

I’ve been wearing glasses for the first time in my 42 years now for the last 4 days.

Is there any tips from fellow but experienced glasses wearers?

Why do my ears hurt?
Is that normal?
Is it fixable?

How do they seem to be constantly dirty? What am I doing wrong? Please teach me the tips!!!

Well I thought it was my wife’s favorite but turns out it’s her best friend’s favorite so I went back to get wife’s supposed new favorite and then dropped the baby dolls off at her friends house who was very pleasantly surprised 😂

Cars with cup holders that can fit entire bottles of wine feels like a good but also bad thing

R.E.M._Its_The_End_Of_The_World_As_We_Know_It_And_I_Feel_Fine.mp3

a man with a beard has his hand on his forehead . ALT: a man with a beard has his hand on his forehead .

…. what

Everything is soooooo clear!!!

I’ve been wearing glasses for the first time in 42 years for 5 hours now and all I can say is omg I didn’t realise how bad my eyesight was 🫣

I really want to be a billionaire like my dad.

My dad isn't a billionaire, but he also really wants to be one.

Accidentally txt my wife asking if she was fat

I meant to say far but autocorrect did me dirty

If anyone needs me I’ll be in Siberia hiding 🫣

433pm Tuesday is an acceptable time to open a beer when it’s too hot to wear ugg boots. That’s a new rule I just made up and instantly passed into law.

Rest up Beckie 💞 hope all comes right in a few days 🤞🏻

My literal feelings about everything right now

So, we all here now?

Sunset beach is mint! Pack yourself some snacks and treats and chill on the beach. Tomorrow you’d likely have most of the beach to yourself in the evening