Edgar Veronica Snakechurch

Shot of boom box on table in front of tool wall BOOM BOX: YÆEAAH BOOM BOX: KICK IT!! Shot of LISA SIMONI's hands pulling fingerless gloves on BB: YOU WAKE UP LATE FOR SCHOOL, MAN YOU DON'T WANNA GO Shot of Lisa tucking jeans into boots BB: YOU ASK YA MOM "PLEASE?" BUT SHE STILL SAYS "NO!" Shot of Lisa zipping hoodie up. A blue gaiter covers her mouth BB: YOU MISS TWO CLASSES AND NO HOMEWORK! BUT YOUR TEACHER PREACHES CLASS LIKE YOU'RE SOME KINDA JERK! Shot of Lisa racking the slide on a Glock-18 BB: YOU GOTTA FIGHT! FOR YOUR RIGHT! TO PAARRTY!! Shot of WES ERDEMIR rounding corner and shaking pill bottle. WES: Feeling sleepy at all? BB: YOUR POPS CAUGHT YOU SMOKIN' AND HE SAYS "NO WAY!" Shot of Lisa. A gas can and the back of a van can be seen in the rather vacant garage space behind her. LISA: Sleepy? At like 10:15? What am I, a seven-year-old? WES: Even seven-year-olds benefit from uppers! BB: THAT HYPOCRITE SMOKES TWO PACKS A DAY! Shot of Lisa confusedly watching as Wes crushes up adderall tablets with his fist LISA: I--what does that--what? WES: I am taking some adderall. Do you want? LISA: That depends on... ah fuck it. BB: MAN, LIVIN' AT HOME IS SUCH A DRAG! NOW YA MOM THREW AWAY YA BEST PORNO MAG! Shot of Wes and Lisa snorting lines of adderall in unison BB: YOU GOTTA FIGHT! FOR YOUR RIGHT!! TO PAARRTY!!!

Lockin' in 19XX style

Wes, Lisa and Rainier sitting on chairs in very large, somewhat run-down room full of fancy decor. Four massive paintings of George Pierre hang on the walls. George, wearing an all-black turtleneck outfit, faces them. Leslie can be seen in the distant doorway wheeling something in. GEORGE: We shall tonight be acquiring ze most illustrious work of art in ze entire city... George pulls down a canvas slide. An image of a solid gold cube encrusted haphazardly with random gems and pearls is shone on it. GEORGE: zthe projector please We are stealing.... zthe Billioncube!! Shot of Lisa and Rainier. Both have their hands raised and mouths open. Leslie is stood behind a projector to the side, and part of Wes's body is visible on the other side. LISA: OK what the hell is that thing RAINIER: Motion to block irrelevant questions Shot of George pointing a teaching stick at the canvas, showing the floor plan of the Met. Even more portraits of George hang behind him. GEORGE: Save your questions, mes amies, for it is TRULY simple. I have been infiltrating ze Metropolitan Museum of Art for three weeks, and I have now confirmed ze paths of ze guard patrols. We enter through ze roof, disable ze security and we GRAB... zthe BILLIONCUBE! Shot of George's smug face GEORGE: Leslie will drop us off a few blocks away. We will move through Central Park, and scale ze back façade. From there, we simply move clockwise. Shot of Lisa raising hand/speaking. Leslie lights a cig and Rainier throws his head back in frustrated boredom. George smugly faces away from them. LISA: Whiiiiich one is clockwise again and how are we scaling the façade and what are we bringing and GEORGE: Oh, do not concern your silly little head. For now, simply observe, and do as the Romans do. Shot of dark Manhattan from the roof of the WTC. Jersey City is clouded entirely in darkness. CAPTION: 10:00 PM... two hours until heist

Zthe 'eist of zthe Zentury

CAPTION: 7:00 PM... WES and LISA sitting at table outside store called BAGEL, drinking coffee. WES: So then Stanislav said, "You must be kidding aren't you!" But I was not, for his car was truly smashed. LISA: Almost like the time we made Trampy Jay think they raised the drinking age, and he believed us, up UNTIL they did! WES: There is similar character, yes! One must-- Shot of RAINIER standing beside their table with cigar. RAINIER: Well if it isn't the FUCKING lovebirds! You know it's like 7:45 already? Shot of Lisa pressing face against window. She spots an analog clock reading 7:15, and silently, quizzically, looks for a digital clock, and is startled when she reads that it is 7:15 Shot of Rainier standing and holding cigar while Wes prepares to stand up. RAINIER: Please tell me you drove here. WES: Drive? In Manhattan? This close to home? RAINIER: Ah, great. So we'll be home at what, 11:45? Shot of the buildings of Lower Manhattan, City Investment Building in the foreground with Singer Tower rising behind it. CAPTION: City Investment Building, 7:54 PM GEORGE: Bienvenue, my dear, sweet beloved murderous thugs, and Lisa! to the final review of a plan that is as cunning as it is craven, as sophisticated as it is simple, ze Heist of ze Century!

when nobody knows what friggin time it is

Shot of Wes looking mildly incredulous WES: So if I am understanding well, your specialty is in making distracting ruckus, but also in being sneaky little mouse. You are skilled at getaway, yet are caught frequently anyway. There is also world of many questions about these "manipulation" skills, Miss Friendlylegs, not to mention rest of your resumé. Shot of Lisa lying down with cigarette in mouth, looking embarrassed Shot of Lisa sitting up and handing cig back to Wes LISA: Can I still help out? Shot of Wes w/cig hanging out of mouth. WES: Well, I have less than 0 wish to kill you for your knowledge of us. I also already told George you are more than mouth to feed.... Shot of grinning Wes toussling frazzled Lisa's hair. WES: So welcome to the crew! The brief begins at 7:00! Shot of Lisa looking indignant LISA: 7:00? The hell we doin' for the next 5.5 hours? (authorial note: she actually pronounces it "five point five") WES: I want a bagel. Do you want a bagel? Shot of Lisa scratching the back of her head and looking up while Wes walks away LISA: I suppose I HAVE upchucked pretty much everything I've ate since I hit the East Coast.... WES: C'mon, bagel!

When you get caught exaggerating your resumé but the hiring guy thinks you're cute so you get in unqualified anyway (genuinely positive edition)

Shot of Lisa swinging her legs up onto Wes's lap as she lays down on the couch LISA: Well, I'm good at making a scene. I'm... pretty OK at fighting, like bar fight shit. I can weave a motorbike thru traffic. Shot of Wes looking at her legs while she talks LISA: I can be sneaky, real sneaky. I've basically been, like, homeless for a decade. Shot of Wes inhaling cigarette, continuing to look down at her legs in his lap LISA: I have a certain, uh, talent for social manipulation. Talked my way outta ten arrests! My friends used to call it "whitegirling". Make of that what you will. Shot of Wes exhaling and looking to his right, at Lisa's reaching hand Shot of Lisa smiling and holding her hand out from Wes's point of view. Cats are sleeping and scratching walls in the background, as well as a view of Jersey City out the window Shot of mildly incredulous Wes handing off his cigarette to Lisa

"And my dad works at Nintendo, for the president, in space"

Shot of the WTC towers looming behind the Singer Building where our cast lives LISA: So I think Leslie is a serial killer. WES: Yeah, we know. You get used to it. Shot of Lisa drinking coffee on couch LISA: Bit of aaaa thing to get used to, isn't it? Shot of Wes WES: You ever been shot? Shot of Lisa looking to side while drinking, Wes standing behind couch holding coffee, jacket unzipped LISA: Not recently... WES: When you get shot you will be glad for her. Shot of Lisa biting lip, eyes furrowed LISA: Fuck you mean "when", bro? WES: Believe it or not, very common occupational hazard in armed robbery. Shot of Wes jumping onto couch beside Lisa, leg hung over armrest, freshly-lit cigarette in mouth LISA: Oh yeah, speaking of--when do I start on that? WES: Oh, you are EAGER are you? Well... Shot of Wes holding cig and talking WES: This is sort of big-ticket operation, but, George has a plan for tonight. What is your wheelhouse? What can you do?

The Job Interview

Shot of Lisa nervously watching Leslie (depicted only from the head up) mutilating a corpse LESLIE: You're going to want to return to the station from last night. Cross the street, then ride to South Ferry. Transfer to the 9th, get off at Cortlandt and voila! LISA: Thanks watcha doin' SFX: Squelch, Schlick, Crack Shot of Leslie looking up from her work, wide-eyed and smiling politely LESLIE: He'll be easier to move in this state. I'm studying people of his apparent metabolism! LISA: WHAT-- Y'know what thanks I'll go catch that train LESLIE: (singsong) M-hm! Bye! Shot of Lisa scrunching her face in frustration, Leslie behind her with irritated expression LISA: Oh yeah uhh how do I get out of the maze back here? LESLIE: Did Enrico lock you out here? That boy can be so rude. Take the door that says "keep out". Shot of Leslie standing, holding up scalpel with blood-soaked hand LESLIE: Oh, did you get in touch with anyone regarding estrogen? LISA: Ohhhh god damn iiiiiit.... LESLIE: Well, I assumed you would overdrink, so I did. Shot of Lisa looking back as she steps out of the building LESLIE: Come back same time next week and ask to meet with Ruthless. LISA: Ruthless. OK then. Next week. Shot of Lisa wiggling a doorknob in hallway of Singer Tower CAPTION: One excruciating exercise in following instructions later LISA: Home sweet.... god fucking dammit SFX: Jig Jigjig Shot of Lisa despondently banging her fist on door SFX: BAM BAM BAM LISA: WES!! WES I'M HOME! WES-- Shot of Wes standing in opposite doorway as Lisa looks behind her mid-pound

in which a plot hook dangles from 68 pages away (i have not yet made 68 pages but Ruthless may actually be a page 68er at the rate i AM going)

POV shot of Lisa waking up on floor, Enrico standing over her ENRICO: Come on, fuckface, get the hell up! It's like 10AM. Get the fuck outta the goddamn bar. Shot of Lisa sitting up in pain, Enrico pointing behind them. LISA: Oh... my fucking god what happened last night, man? Ffuuck... ENRICO: You paid up your membership for a month and a half. Then you threw up on Ziggy Stardust.... then he ate it.... Your girl left through the back. Shot of Enrico shoving Lisa down back hallway ENRICO: Which means you're leaving through the back. Now. LISA: Th'back huh? ENRICO: The rear tenements. Hope ya like mazes, ya fuckin' wino. Shot of Lisa donning jacket in grungy, dilapidated enclosure of several buildings. Bloodstain can be seen thru shattered door Shot of bloodstain "room", blood trail leading into open door in back. Doors marked "BAGL" and "KEEP OUT", graffiti poll for DOG or CITY (winner: DOG CITY), graffiti of "Ass $mell" and "Municipal BITCH" LISA: Soooo.... to pass thru a bagel store or follow the trail of blood to the... thumping... I mean bagels right? Shot of middle-aged Mediterranean guy kicking Lisa out of room marked Balkans Against Gay Lesbians BALKAN: (Yells at Lisa in Greek, trans. "Not even Balkan!", 2nd guy yells... I forget, 3rd yells "Lox bagel cream cheese!") Shot of Lisa standing nervously before blood trail. LISA: OK then... Neeeewww York City... Shot of Lisa peeking around corner Shot of Lisa's eye going wide as she gasps Shot of blood-soaked, wild-eyed Leslie in underwear hunched and slicing a dead guy to bits w/scalpel, his limbs and her clothes in the corner LESLIE: Oh, Lisa, good morning! Do you need any directions to get home? LISA: Uhh yeah I do....

We all have that one slightly problematic friend

Lisa sitting at bar with vaguely soft butch lesbian type LISA: Hey, you might be asked to leave soon. By me. I mean with me. If I had a phone number you'd have it. DRINK COUNTER: 2 Shot of visibly drunk Lisa talking to green-haired punk LISA: And he says bro it ain't a long drive. So I tell the guy like hey dude I don't even have a car! Then he like raped me for two minutes until my homie shanked him. He came, too! Fuckin' wimp. DRINK COUNTER: 5 Shot of Ziggy Stardust and the Rites of Spring taking the stage OFFSCREEN ANNOUNCER: Everyone, it's time for.... ZIGGY STARDUST AND THE RITES OF SPRING! OFFSCREEN FANS: WOO! YEAH! DRINK COUNTER: 7 Shot of Rites of Spring performing For Want Of while Ziggy Stardust gyrates suggestively and adds a layer of glam rock vocalizing over the song as-is DRINK COUNTER: 10 Shot of bartender comforting a very teary and emotional Lisa, who has shed her jacket, while the band performs the SONG Ziggy Stardust LISA: She was my BEST FRIEND, ah whasyername 'gain buddyboy? BARTENDER: Kaz. LISA: KAZ! She was my BEST frien.... DRINK COUNTER: 13 Shot of Lisa being spitroasted in a dark, smoky room by two other trans women, clearly enjoying herself DRINK COUNTER: 15 POV shot of Lisa playing stab-knife-between-fingers game with Ziggy Stardust, who now has an eyepatch, with a massive crowd of onlookers. Lisa's hand is covered with cuts and her drink is empty. ZIGGY: Last time I played Knifey-Knifey I got David Bowie to slob my knob. ONLOOKER 1: YAAEAH! ZIGGY! ONLOOKER 2: FUCK HER UP! LISA: uuugghh..... DRINK COUNTER: 17 Completely black panel. No visuals, no dialogue. DRINK COUNTER: 18

Everyone loves a drinking montage, and everyone loves porn, so we put a little porn in the drinking montage

Shot of 3.5 story building next door to Village Voice building. LESLIE: Paresis Hall! An *old* gay and mainly transsexual club from 18XX. I've reason to believe you can find estradiol valerate here. I have.... *some* clout here. Old ties. We'll see. LISA: Uhhh great as long as I get my shit and a few shots in me Shot of Leslie opening wooden door carved with Classical bas-reliefs of nude trans people LESLIE: I'm so very optimistic! Up with that chin! Shot of Leslie happily entering a foyer. A grungy sort of fellow sits at an ornate podium next to a portrait of Biff T. Ellison. LESLIE: ENRICO! Oh hi Enrico!! How ARE you! ENRICO: oh jesus christ Lesliiee. Shot of Paresis Hall interior. Queers mill about smoky room with mostly-original decor save for '90s arcade carpet on one side of staircase leading up to door-lined walkway. Guy sets up band equipment on the other side, bar is nestled beneath walkway in the back. LESLIE: Wow, you people actually have a crowd tonight!? And are those roadies I see?? EnRICO! ENRICO: We got a generator. Big fuckin' thing. Can't let CBs have all the fun. Or power. Or money. Shot of Leslie smugly talking to annoyed Enrico ft. portrait of Jennie June. LESLIE: Your boss in? ENRICO: She will be. LESLIE: Oh Enrico, come now. ENRICO: I don't know when she's in, numbnuts. Go in an' get wine drunk, she'll be here. Shot of Enrico 2-finger pointing at a smug Lisa. ENRICO: You her +1? LISA: Yep! Enrico: Tch. 3-drink minimum. You skimp us, you're banned. Capisce? LISA: Oh, I'm hangin' ten tonight, brother. ENRICO: Great, don't die on the club premises. Shot of L + L inside. LESLIE: Don't mind Enrico, he's from Staten Island. Might as well work on that ban evasion! LISA: Don't mind if I do! Shot of Leslie yelling. LESLIE: Try to not lose some semblance of functional rationality!! Shot of Lisa at bar, cheery bartender. LISA: Don't you worry, girlie, I can handle my handles!

In which a rude guy who looks like me is vaguely heckled by our protagonists, a creep who looks like my friend and a dummy who... isn't really visually based on anyone, at a historical brothel that was torn down in the 1920s (but this is 19XX, you see...)

Shot of R9 subway train traveling on 3rd Ave El, Financial District in the background. LESLIE: Lisa Mariana Simoni, aged 27, Durhamite-Californian, reborn a New Yorker. You really amputated your own testicles? How did that play out? LISA: Well, I had help. And gin. Lots thereof. Shot of Lisa smugly sitting cross-legged on the train. LISA: It was a whole operation. My friends Ricky, Laly and Mona doped me up, gave me some shit to bite on and as soon as I slashed 'em I passed out and they patched me up. When I woke up I drank a ton. Made me bleed a lot, I think? I dunno, I was drunk. For a whole month... Shot of Leslie sitting and smiling politely. LISA: It was awesome, in the sense of showin' my nards who's boss, but I mean I'm still takin pills daily soooo... LESLIE: But no anti-androgens due to the removal of your testosterone-producing organ! LISA: Wait I don't need to still be... taking... LESLIE: Nope! Shot of Leslie smiling and Lisa looking gutted. LISA: Dear god, I've wasted a fortune. I coulda gone to that Geto Boys show.... LESLIE: Think of the future savings! And future shows! Shot of train speeding past tenements. Mr. Grey from Taking of Pelham 1-2-3 cameos. LESLIE: I find it equally shocking you were quite entangled with a Mona, yet have made zero Mona Lisa jokes. LISA: I... finally understand all the painting quips from those days. Shot of two trains pulling into the Cooper Sq Station on the Bowery. LESLIE: This is us! Shot of back of Schmucbackler's head as he watches Lisa and Leslie walk. Eric Wareheim cameos w/ his rascal. SCHMUCBACKLER: 'Ey Schmoesy, now I don't see no good this time'a night, but ain't that one'a our bodega cats? Schmoesy and Schmucbackler, sunglasses on, in alleyway. Schmoesy weilds ice cream. SCHMOESY: That's a fat negative, Schmucbackler. Our dame was a ruby in green, and this sleek roguess is an orange tabby. Not our yap. SCHMUCBACKLER: Ah geez it's tough bein' the cops at night

here at the intersection of oversharing weird shit and medical autism

Shot of Lower Manhattan. Singer Tower, City Investment Building, WTC and Woolworth Building highlighted somewhat CAPTION: Financial District, Lower Manhattan. 9:00 PM on a Friday, early Spring, 19XX Grotesque closeup of Lisa with bloodshot eyes and food all over her lips and gums LESLIE: Lisa, wake up! It's 9:00! LISA: Guuhhh... Leslie? Shot of wild-eyed grinning Leslie from Lisa's POV, Singer Tower looming behind her Shot of Lisa sitting next to Leslie, puke on ground behind her. LESLIE: Goodness, you didn't go very far into the city, did you? LISA: I was waylaid by the magic of 17 hotdogs. New York hotdogs! Lisa standing LESLIE: Are hotdogs not the same where you come from? What sets the ones here apart? LISA: There's a lil' extra magic when the guy serving them knows you better than yourself. LESLIE: What? Closeup of Lisa LISA: Look, I dunno, I was hungry. So, Bowery? Leslie cheerfully gesturing behind her LESLIE: RIGHT! We'll take the 3rd Avenue El. Ninth's just down the street here, we transfer once at South Ferry. 30 minutes in all! Ext shot of Ninth Avenue El station LISA: This is some grampa-ass train shit. How old this thang? LESLIE: It opened in 18XX! The city is quite divided on if the elevateds should still exist! Int shot LISA: What's your take? LESLIE: They're quite convenient, and have a je ne sais quois! I'll cover your fare this time. LISA: Oh word, thanks. So, uh, how long you live in New York? LESLIE: All my life! I was actually born not far from where we're going. I'm guessing you're new. LISA: Yep! I'm a Sanny Franny Tranny! Grew up in Durham NC, moved at 16, lived there til Wednesday. LESLIE: A real traveling hobo, home everywhere! SO impressive! I'm looking forward to our friendship! LISA (THINKING): Man, I was so sure I was skullfucked. New city, no support system, and day 1 I have a room, two pals and I can be my freakass self around at least one -- AND she my pills hookup...!

In which plot starts trickling into all this setup

Lisa exiting Singer Building, WTC south tower and City Investment Building rise behind her Same shot, but Lisa faces WTC Shot of the tops of the twin towers LISA: Whoah... it's them! Shot of Lisa looking impressed and strangely warm LISA: The Empire State Buildings...! Shot of Lisa recoiling in hunger, camera facing east from Zuccotti Park LISA (thinking): Oh fuck, I haven't ate since fucking Pennsyldelphia or whatever. Fuck I gotta eat right now or I'm gonna pass out Shot of a Bonker Kong complete with Burger Ape banner LISA: We got Bonker Kong in Cali, I wanna do some New York shit... Shot of middle aged middle eastern hot dog cart guy. Equitable Building in background. LISA: Oh shit! A hot dog guy! Shot of Lisa ordering, Zuccotti Park behind her LISA: Can I gettaaaa sauerkraut an' relish dog? Shot of Hot Dog Guy with ketchup/mustard dog HOT DOG GUY: Ketchup mustard! Shot of Lisa holding hot dog. Diddler Van in background LISA: That's.... New York City USA :D.... I guess.... Lisa eating hot dog, eyes glazing over with adoration before a field of hearts Shot of Lisa hunched over handing HDG a 20 as he hands back a dog in return. It's dark out now and the windows of buildings are now lit. LISA: Five more and keep 'em coming FOREVER man HOT DOG GUY: Ketchup mustard

it's WHAT day of the week?

Close-up of Lisa in a regal elevator that DING!s as it lands. Shot over her shoulder of George Pierre leaning on a pillar in the Singer lobby smoking with a golden cigarette holder, Rainier seated on stairs behind him holding a 40. Lisa: . . . George Pierre exhaling smoke. GEORGE: If the great George Pierre is going to harbour you... you will be telling him how this came to be. Slightly overhead shot of Lisa smiling uncomfortably. LISA: I uhhh I just killed my last living relatives and had to flee from California so I came here and finally hit Penn Station like two hours ago. My buddy who sent me here kinda mighta dumped me off here without a paddle So I robbed the closest bodega and the guy pulled *bigger gun* and Wes bailed me out. George Pierre looking smug yet exasperated. Rainier necks the 40 behind him. GEORGE: Well, at least I can stop worrying that you are to be taken seriously. Anything to add, Rainier? Close-up of Rainier miming licking pussy. RAINIER: Yeah, has Wes squeaked his greasy lil' stiffie through /alla'/ yer holes an' pores yet, missy? LISA: Hey man why don't you go fuck your own face? Lisa flipping off George and Rainier from over Rainier's shoulder. LISA: I don't need this shit RAINIER: Aw, we're razzin' ya, honey. Welcome to the gang. LISA: Razz this Shot of George looking smugly towards the door. LISA: I'm goin' for a fuckin' walk. GEORGE: Do enjoy yourself, gamine. RAINIER: Try not to give anybody AIDs!

in which I have exactly 19 more of these in storage which shall hopefully tide me until I have a working tablet pen in my immediate possession

Lisa standing in 1970s-style leisure suit and red shades LISA: AYYY whatcha think? Wes on couch holding beer WES: Strangely enough, you look much like I did when I bought that getup at... 25, I think? It almost works, but you need a, uh, a necklace. Gold. Something that says "Staten Island douchebag", but subtle. LISA: This is about the only thing in there that screams "party animal" over the shouts of "Bitter former KGB w/PTSD from a spy mission gone wrong, where he lost it all in a snap". WES: Oh, you're good. How you peg me so fast? LISA: Oh please, a Turkish KGB agent, post-Potsdam Conference? Get real bro, what do you take me for? WES: So where is your party at then, animal? LISA: Well, that creepy small woman invited me to some place called the Bow...wawowi, some shit, at like 9:30. WES: You're going to the BOWERY with LESLIE!? Your first night here? LISA: Yeah i guess so yeah, why? WES: Eh... she knows you are with me. You will probably be SAFER with her. Lisa holding bong LISA: What, is this Bowery place super sketchy? Is Leslie taking me out to eat people or something? Wes standing, drinking, fishing through pocket WES: I'unno. Look, here. I give you few thousand, you go have fun. Learn some New York, be less stress, evet? Evet means yes. Wes tossing rolled bills LISA: Sicka me already? WES: You deserve nice things! Lisa notices tattoo on his wrist, rolls her sleeve up LISA: Hey, same tat. What're the odds? WES: No kidding. When/where you get yours? LISA: (Meandering story about her old SF friend group the "Sewer Flop" where she and a Mona get identical tats and date briefly and their friends Ricky and Laly bail on it) How'd you get yours? WES: They had a flash promotion at Ink Bitch last month. LISA: Fuck yeah Lisa looking gooberish, Wes laughing, solid blue BG LISA: Also can I borrow your car WES: HA HA HAA HUH HAH Wes looking snarkily at her, sitting again WES: No. Welcome to New York City.

You deserve nice things! I deserve to know what day it is!

small but semi-fancy apartment containing sparse belongings (two stacked TVs, N64, coffee table with bong, couch, mirror wall) and some cats WES: SO! There is this room, bedroom, piss and fart room, uh... LISA: Oh, you have cats! WES: They're not mine. Ah yes! Separate rooms for everything. Balcony too! Lisa sheds coat, showing tat sleeve of pink flowers on vine, sees bong with stars in her eyes LISA: Can I hit your bong?? WES: Yeah sure Lisa smokes and exhales grinning WES: (offscreen) Take a shower first you are getting blood on my couch! LISA: Hey, indulge me a sec. Like, before I get naked in your apartment. DO you want to fuck me? Also, can I borrow some clothes for a few days? Wes emerges from kitchen opening beer, no longer wearing jacket or gloves WES: That is loaded question, but... I do not intend any, ah, funnybusiness. And yes! But leave my jacket alone. LISA: Why DID you rescue me? Your friends, they... Wes drinks beer on couch and turns TV on. Small tattoo of overlapping triangles on his left wrist WES: It's not that deep. I am perhaps a little nicer guy? Lisa removes shirt behind couch. Siamese cat climbs said couch WES: Maybe the cycle of endless death and violence is raping my psyche like a donkeyhorse. Maybe I have baby fever. I don't fucking know. LISA: Well, I owe ya, whatever the reason. You got my loyalty here on out. Wes watches "I'd Buy That For A Dollar!" on the top TV as the cat jumps down beside him, butthole on display WES: Tesekkür ederim, arkadasim! LISA: Uh WES: Thank you, my friend! LISA: Aw! :) Shower drain showing blood in water Lisa washing blood out of hair, singing, in VERY 1970s bathroom LISA: Do you ever feel pain when the screams come? Know that you're dyin', babe CAPTION: These lyrics are incorrect Lisa in towel staring at bloodless face in locally-defogged mirror LISA: (Thinking) I deserve nice things.

Looks like (the) meat(of relationship development between the deuteragonists)'s [finally] on the menu

Singer lobby, Wes & Lisa enter WES: GEORGE!! We are back!! LISA: ...You mofos just LIVE here? Upper veranda. Fancy man stands from table w/book & coffee GEORGE: About time, mes chèries brutes! Let us discuss financia-- G facing behind him, upset. Across treasure-laden table stands small woman in OLD military dress. Repeat shot, woman grinning GEORGE: What ze hell is that? Grinning woman watching W, Lis, G talking at table with duffle bag of money. GEORGE: You have brought a blood-splattered vagabond to our base of operations. WES: Her name is Lisa. She has pledged her gun in exch-- GEORGE: So now we are just adopting strange women into our gang? No offence, Leslie. WES: I have a hunch about this one. GEORGE: You have an erection. WES: Well, you are gay for looking. Let us talk money. GEORGE: Please. Shot of Lis looking at offscreen W and G as Leslie approaches behind GEORGE: I have a buyer for the Egyptian cat. WES: Can we do recon at the sale? GEORGE: Possibliment. WES: When we combine the cash where are we? GEORGE: Rent AND bills! For this month... Les whispering behind frazzed Lis LESLIE: I know what you are. Les excitedly talking to uncomfy Lis. W, G talk in BG LESLIE: No shade, I admire transexuals for your transformative properties! AND the social stealth it engenders! Snehehe, gender. LISA: Uh, thanks but-- LESLIE: I know where you people get your medicine! Come with me to the Bowery tonight at 9:30! LISA: Huh... Shit, aight then, I'm there. Les at watercooler LESLIE: Excellent! And I WON'T tell the boys, don't worry! W beckoning Lis WES: I am going up to my room. You should probably come along for now. LISA: OK, with ya in a sec. Watercooler sans Les LISA: Oh...! Man fuck that WAIT FOR ME! Hall, stairs LISA: Can I uhh shower up there? WES: In a derelict office? Yes, actually. The architects were insane and rich. So is George, and Fasir will restore anything he is paid to. We have wall vacuums! LISA: Neeww York, huh!

You know you got too much dialogue for the transcript when you run the alt text to full even after conspicuous truncation

Trio resting on R44 subway car. Wes lights cig, sits next to weird Steve Buscemi poster. Lisa wakes up to see him offer cig. LISA: Oh, por moi? And a PacB'st at that! WES: Only smoke Turkish. You got a name? Wes lights Lisa's cig. LISA: Lisa. Lisa Simoni. You? WES: I am Wes. Wes Erdemir. Shot of Rainier sitting angry w/arms crossed. RAINIER: You fucking done yet Casanova? WES: This is Rainier MacBrenneck. Lisa smoking. LISA: So, thanks for saving my ass, but where do we go from here? Dinner, maybe? WES: We are returning to our base. I suspect you are new in town, yes? RAINIER: Wes.... Lisa slides over into the crook of Wes's arm. LISA: What gave me away? WES: The incompetence, mostly. All residents of New York are efficient robbers. Rainier slumping into his seat. RAINIER: Georgie's gonna love her. Slightly overhead shot of Lisa on sidewalk. CAPTION: Soon enough WES: We are here. Lisa looking up, impressed. LISA: Ohhhh shit! Close-up of the main building of the Singer Building. LISA: What the castle fuck is this thing?? WES: Our friend George helps us rent this entire two-building complex. Some old landmark or something. Shot of Fasir the landlord exiting Singer. FASIR: Erdemir! You sad slow fuck where is my money!! And don't tell me to talk to that French [dog, in Arabic]! Overhead shot of Wes grabbing dufflebag from his inexplicably present car. WES: I have it right here, Fasir, OK? You'll get it after we talk to George.... [you donkeyhorse, in Arabic]. Shot of Zuccotti Park facing south. Rainier sticks tongue out at fuming Fasir. 1950s era bus drives by. WES: Rainier, keep him busy. Lisa, come with me.

bludgeoning audiences over the head with the alt history thing

# Life of Crime #5 Transcript ## Panel 1: Longhair mustache man, Wes, aims customized 1911 left in profile against backdrop of Delancey-Essex subway station. Two inserted panels depict redhead man, Rainier, and blood-splatted woman, Lisa, respectively aiming Beretta M9, Glock-18 at camera Wes: Keep alert... Wes: They can come from any direction...in any numbers... Wes: We do not know how long the train will be... ## Panel 2: Fat cop in 1970s kit stands on upper steps of subway entrance, revolver drawn, with unsure expression. Standing behind railing nearby is his partner, skinny man in oversized uniform. Schmuckbackler: I dunno about this, Schmoesy, seems awful dangerous, yeah? Schmoesy: That's a fat positive, Schmuckbackler. ## Panel 3: Diagonal overhead shot of same scene. Pedestrians shown in margins of panel. Schmuckbackler: Why don't we get some dogs and catch a movie? Schmoesy: Bang-up plan. You'll be top man someday. ## Panel 4: Wes and Rainier aiming at entraces of Delancey platform as train arrives. Nonplussed citizens sit in background. ## Panel 5: Wes and Lisa aiming back2back as train slows down behind them. SFX: CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK CLUNK EEEEEEE-eeeeeeeeeee ## Panel 6: Rainier, Lisa, Wes scramble through opening train door. Rainier magdumps into empty station, startled by nothing. Rainier: AAAHHRUNAAAAAAAHHH-- ## Panel 7: Wes, Lisa, Rainier's backs shown as we see entire car of passengers stare in silent, apathetic judgment. Graffiti, ads abound. ## Panel 8: Wes, Lisa in next car, Rainier closing door as he follows. Wes grins with thumbs up. Rainier: Sorry about that, false alarm! We'll scootch on out.

if i keep posting these into the void a genie will surely grant me wishes

An establishing shot of the stairs to the mezzanine of the Delancey-Essex subway station in Manhattan, followed by a shot of the Delancey Street platform with dialogue imploring a fare-jump. Two hardened goons and a blood-soaked anxiety attack of a human being wait for three panels before realizing the train is not coming quite yet. One of them suggests they must plant their feet and defend their position until the train comes, while a rat smokes a cigarette down between the tracks. The camera looks down from the ceiling as the two thugs amicably suggest their beleaguered new comrade get a grip.

oh shit it's been thursday the whole time

A woman and a man crouch behind a shelf in a convenience store and discuss their munitions situation while another man robs the register in the background. After some light complaining, the trio exit the car onto a city street as some cops pull up. The cops fail to recognize these are the guys they're chasing due to the presence of a third person, but after getting one of their hats shot off, they give chase anyway. The robbers pull out and speed directly into gridlock traffic. Upon realizing the subway is within easy running distance, they abandon the car, jarringly confident it will somehow end up safely back in their possession later.

gridlock i tellya

Comic page wherein a woman in a phone booth is told that she'll "figure it out" before hanging up in despair (Snake Plissken from Escape From New York makes a cameo appearance in the background crowd). An inventory screen inspired by Resident Evil shows us all she has to her name is a Glock, some ammo, a few cents in coins and bottles of feminizing HRT pills. She robs a convenience store, alluding to this being something she is ostensibly used to, and immediately freezes when the cashier pulls a shotgun on her. She is saved from certain doom and coated in blood when his head is blown apart by a long-haired, mustachioed man in a leather jacket, joined by another, less-mustachioed long-haired man in a leather jacket, the former of whom tells her she will survive if she joins them as accomplice.

happy bodega robbery day, everybody grab a weapon!

Comic page depicting a redheaded woman in a green coat in a phone booth begging a San Francisco cop to wire her some money for food in an ambiguously late 20th Century, run-down Lower East Side of Manhattan. He laughs at her and tells her he already covered up a triple homicide she committed, and that she's lucky to be in New York instead of prison or, god forbid, the Midwest. She angrily asks him how she's supposed to get by. Hard cut to his office, where he tells her there are 100,000 bodegas in NYC. On the wall behind him are framed photos of himself at the Golden Gate Bridge, with a woman who looks like a Bag Lady from Earthbound, and an ass in a bikini standing in the ocean. Through the window behind him, we can see a house on Guerrero Street with two 1985 Toyota Tercels parked out front.

A lil early installment art weirdness for all to cherish (by page 3 I mostly remembered how to draw again!)

A comic book cover for the comic Life of Crime. Clockwise from the top right, jagged panels depict the title, a graffiti-covered JJ train, a man and woman in prewar dress standing in the lobby of the City Investment Building, two men dressed in late-century attire standing in Brooklyn with guns drawn, two cops standing in an alley with the Financial District looming behind them at dusk, a nude trans woman descending a staircase holding a Glock and smoking a cig while punks play cards behind her, and Tower 1 of the WTC looming behind the Singer Tower & City Investment Building.

startin some shizzzz and by shizz I mean a comic about the life and crimes of a bunch of assholes in NYC set simultaneously in every decade of the 20th Century