Liz D

Two, mini-powder sugar donuts in a small, pink plastic kid’s bowl. One donut has a much larger hole in the middle while the other one has a much smaller one.

Which donut is the slut donut?

Trick question, they both are. Vaginas come in many sizes and shapes.

You know what? Fuck the controversy. I’m just gonna say it—

Gutermann cotton thread is ass trash.

See you in Valhalla?

Emus are the wasps of the bird world

This Tuesday is clearly a Thursday

The moment I get paper cuts on my thighs I know it’s costume-making season.

Y’all ever get so hungry that your stomach starts sounding like a Skeksis in a disagreement?

I’m struggling between wanting people to notice right away if I go missing and my desire to never be near or talk to people every day.

Hey, as an AuDHD, sometimes menial tasks are a great brain break. Using tedium as a medium is definitely my bag

Fisherman’s Friends are so crucial for me to do my job, but I don’t know how to feel that even the here ants won’t go near them.

Fisherman’s Friends are so crucial for me to do my job, but I don’t know how to feel that even the here ants won’t go near them.

A future so dystopian that I amusingly shouty caps with my AI and where my AI is mouthing off at me.

Question: was the Bulgarian cam girl that Grant Amato killed his family for one of Andrew Tate’s?

You either die as an IT hero to your older fam or live long enough to see yourself become the boomer.

Me: *wakes up in middle of the night*
Also me: *tries desperately to fall back asleep*
My brain: hey, remember how much the movie ‘The Green Mile’ makes you sob?

You have to have the best ‘bed side’ manner to be a doctor or in IT.

Do you think that Jesus, as a carpenter, was mentally critiquing the construction of the crucifixes?

My impressions of Eddie Vedder and Bruce Springsteen are the same— I just change the vowel structure and the key

Is the coffee machine at work just office communion?

I’m a scientist and the very foundation of our work is being chipped and chopped at. Everything in your literal existence is a product of science. Stand up for us and the benefits you have enjoyed because of the work we do

Remember the barbaric days when you would hook up with someone and you had to provide your own vibrator?

Younger people these days don’t know the struggle.

I forgot how good KitKats are when they are from someone else’s stocking

Apparently my spouse thinks I’m a punk

It occurs to me that Sweeney Todd is just the pessimistic version of Les Misérables

The amount of messages I send doctors directly about specific organs is too damn high

Holy fuck you just changed my life

a man wearing glasses and a yellow shirt is standing in front of a national geographic logo ALT: a man wearing glasses and a yellow shirt is standing in front of a national geographic logo

It’s too the point where ‘my organs are really hurting me today’ is an accepted statement that none of my colleagues question or are confused by.

Dude, Spotify has been deleting shit off my playlists. It’s not that the artists have withdrawn their music, it’s just that they are no longer on my playlists.

How could anyone find infidelity to be worth it despite the emotional devastation it can wreak on a partner?

An American Bulldog lays his head on the feet of his master while they are on the couch. The bulldog looks hopefully out of the side corners of his eye, hoping that the bagel the master is cramming into their mouth could, at any moment, be crammed into his.

An American Bulldog lays his head on the feet of his master while they are on the couch. The bulldog looks hopefully out of the side corners of his eye, hoping that the bagel the master is cramming into their mouth could, at any moment, be crammed into his. #AmericanBulldogDream