EggNaug

I don't know what to do. I'm too anxious. I want to feel like I can do what I want because I know nothing I want to do is bad. I'm just always so scared of people not agreeing and hating me, and not just people that I "shouldn't care about" because I just always worry about EVERYONE hating me

Frankly, I care more about drawing than YouTube. I just care about both enough to never want to give up one over another. But like, even if this was discovered and I quit YouTube to just do this because nobody would want me making videos anymore, I still feel like I'd keep being harrassd here too

At the same time tho, I'm so proud of my art, and I want to draw non sexual stuff, especially for my videos. And I know with this stuff out there, my art style is bound to be recognized and I feel like unless I deleted all of this, I'll never feel safe in YouTube. I don't want to though...

There's not enough large YouTubers I know where them just casually being a furry, let alone furry smut artist, is just accepted by other YouTuber peers and their audiences. I feel like if I was candid about it, I'd look disgusting or people would think I've legitimately went insane.

Obviously there's cringe culture people who would just harass me for being a horny furry, but my anxiety can't look past the idea that normal people, or people I wouldn't want hating me would find me disgusting. I worry I'd look like a pervert, or nothing I'd say would be taken seriously again

At the same time, I feel like hiding it is in itself wrong too, like I'm "covering up something I know is wrong". Not the case. Tbh, if I never made a channel, I'd start fresh with an EggNaug channel. It's really just because I'm scared of people seeing the worst in this.

I'm scared of people knowing I make furry smut like, personally. It's like my skeleton in the closet. Even tho I know there's nothing wrong with what I do, and even tho within the realm of NSFW, my shit is tame and I try making it wholesome... I still feel like I'm living on a timebomb

I am getting so much anxiety from it tho, and a large part of it is also to do with my furry art. This account is my secret. My YouTube channel isn't "EggNaug", this is essentially my furry double life, and half my anxiety comes from me hiding it. I hide it for multiple reasons.

I've said before I have a YouTube channel. It's not big, It has 6k subs, but I've had a couple videos do well. I've had it since I was 13 and while I've obviously slowed down now that I'm 21 and have less time, it's still something that's important to me and I want to continue as long as I can

And final page!

Again, all credit and thanks to /@WolfaNSFW, did such a great job on my commission!

Super happy with how they turned out.

Page 4

Page 3

Page 2

By the way, this is the best movie ever made. Go see it.

Happy Valentine's Day! (In some times zones maybe oops)

Heres pg 1 of a smol comic I commissioned from /@WolfaNSFW on Twitter! Will be releasing in chunks to savor the art lol

She did a great job again. Super happy with how it came out! Wasnt intended to be a V Day thing but it worked out that way

I feel pathetic for wanting to die for feeling lonley, but can't help it sometimes. Feeling so alone inside my own head, which already feels like such a nightmare. I hate living in my own head. I hate having to listen to my anxieties all the time, and being the only one to share my interests with

I genuinely feel worthless. Like my only value to people is what I can give. The only objective value I feel in myself is helping people. I don't feel like my presence itself is any sort of good thing. I'm not interesting or remarkable, I feel my continued existence always needs better justification

If I never find anyone who I can actually feel comfortable around, and to share my life with, and my love, and all my joys with, and listen to and talk to and hold and cuddle, I wish I could just know now. Just learn "Yeah, I'll be alone forever" so I can stop re-disapointing myself with false hope

I feel so unwanted. I feel so lost in how I could even be more liked. If I was any more "me" I feel I'd just be obnoxious. I already been told talk to much. I already have awful social skills. And no self esteem. I don't even deserve to feel bad about any of this, I don't deserve to be loved.

I feel such a void inside me. I feel so alone. Even though I have family, and friends, I don't feel understood. My family is supposed to love me, but they don't need to get me. My friends like me, but they all still have people more important to them. I'm nobody's best friend. I'm nobody's partner.

And I feel like I wouldn't even be able to process it if I could. I feel like I'm much more emotionally walled off and socially stunted than I have ever realized. Even if I feel I deserve love, I have no clue how to be myself or feel that way with also feeling like I'm make people uncomfortable

I hate how nobody will ever care about me, like intimately. Nobody has ever and I feel at this point, will ever find me appealing, want to listen to me, or have me around them on any truly personal level, and nobody will ever want me to be the person who they turn to for support or love or care

I'm deleting this and probably a lot of the other sad posts soon because there's no value to them existing and it's always just a selfish indulgence in my own misery, but I can help vocalise these thoughts sometimes because I fucking hate keeping them in my head

One day, y'all may even see the secret youtube channel I have... or in other words my youtube will see my secret degenerate furry art spot

Even tho I know nothing I do here is bad, I still feel weird for hiding this, even tho i know why... it's a little awkward to directly say "I DRAW FURRY PORN!"

I also want to properly set up a Newgrounds... after I finish my lore dump thing

I don't think I need to make a safe for work FurAffinity or NewGrounds account since those sites have rating systems, and BlueSky is where I imagine my art is most discoverable

and still not posting on twitter anymore

I am still thinking about establishing myself a bit more, if that sentence makes any sense.

I'm thinking about making a SFW BlueSky because I do want to make art that isn't horny... and I already have. I don't want to abandon horny art, don't worry. My story idea isn't SFW, there's sex in the plot.

asdfmovie16 is peak and also creeps me out, because asdfmovie is a thing I've technically been a massive fan of since I was 5 (not supposed to be but still)

Now, TADC is something I've been a massive fan of... For only the last two weeks. Then asdf16 comes out and half the cast is TADC cast

TOM!?!

I also tried to mimic the look of a handheld camera in a cartoon. I recording something irl with a trackable foreground and background, tracked the foreground object's movement separate from the background movement, and applied those movements to an old comic panel. Looks like how I thought it would

I was in editing class and randomly got the urge to figure out how to motion track cartoons into real life.

It wasn't what the assignment was at all, we're doing colour grading stuff.

Oh well, hope it looks good anyway

Special surprise may be coming this Valentine's Day... No it's got nothing to do with my still unfinished Valentine's Day comic that I've been trying to plan the second half of and with a name I've grown to hate

Also I mean that. I am trying to finish more of it, but the surprise is unrelated lol