Phil Hunter

I hate when I come online and there’s some sort of Americaball happening.

I’m up at 5 and not home until 4. I have a baby not even 3 weeks old. I’ve trimmed half of it but that filled my brown bin and I was waiting for a good day to do the rest.

Snide gang of bastards.

Letter off the council telling me to trim my hedge after someone reported it.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence this is a couple of days after a visit from the Labour Party. The woman looked very put out after I told her I was a Green Party member.

Convinced it was them. Fuming.

I was watching the latest Star Wars Lego series with Elliott. He asked me about some of the “creative choices” that seemed odd to him. I told him it was because the series is basically an advert to sell those toys (UCS Death Star etc). He was disgusted and said to turn it off!

Bored on the bus while taking my bay for an ear test so I’m arguing on Facebook with middle age women FEWMING a remembrance service has been cancelled. The legion cancelled it themselves because they couldn’t get insurance but don’t let that stop Pauline and Shirley!

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Hearing Skyrim music and thinking about another play through…

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@shudder.com Hear me out…

J-V/H/S

I really enjoyed V/H/S Halloween. I think found footage is the only way to scare people these days.

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The heating’s on.

My theory on why practical effects are better than cgi come from when I realised a lot of old school effects literally use techniques from magic tricks. You know you’re seeing a trick but how? With cgi it’s just oh, it’s cgi.

I’ve said I’ll DJ tonight but my better half is feeling uncomfortable and in a bit of pain so we’re like “is this it? Is this it?” I’ve moved “the case” downstairs but her waters haven’t broken so I think we’re ok but we’ll see… 😬

That poor family are going to spend years removing random buckets from her grave instead of flowers aren’t they?

They’ll probably have the cheek to sue when someone does do some kind of deepfake of it too.

My wife is more than 8 months pregnant. Yesterday, on a very crowded bus, a drunk man repeatedly told her to “Go back where she came from” and nobody said a fucking thing.

“I hope this email finds you well.”
“How did it find me at all?”

Imagine talking shit about me and I’m just in my room like this.

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He wants his ex to have the kids the same weekend her husband is out of the country.

Didn’t get raptured. Dog shit night’s sleep. Booked my taxi an hour too early. Forgot my earbuds.

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She wants to put the heating on…

Turned a bit cold. Can we even outlast September before putting the heating on with 2 Malaysians in the house?

The house over the road has a big Union Jack in the front window. I saw the guy who lives there. He looks extremely divorced.

Me in work, depressed.
“My job is making me depressed.”

Me at home, depressed.
“Oh no.”

When I say “I’ve got that dog in me” this is what I mean.

Do I need to patent this?

Just improved snorkels. Actually useful now.

I’ve never really understood snorkels. So, you can just dip your face slightly under water and still breathe? Is that really it?

Is the Mandalorian movie going to be a Christmas film?

We’ve been gifted some of that cat shit coffee.

“It’s not vegan.” is all I’ve got to say about that.

Banana and everything.

I swear there’s a “Police Squad” joke in the Sainsbury’s advert.