Bloodstone Hex

Just found out I’ve outlived at least two of my exes. Unfortunately, the worst one, the abusive one who tried to put my head through a wall and 🍇d me is still alive and kicking.

Screeenshot of Baldur’s Gate 3 Durge speaking to Wulbren Bongle

Halsin commenting on how Baldur’s Gate treats refugees.

Halsin commenting on how Baldur’s Gate treats refugees.

Posting these dialogs for no reason whatsoever. No relation to current events or anything, nope.

Screenshot of pokemon super mystery dungeon with a Munna saying “All that exists in this world is pain!”

Literally me every single day when I wake up and remember the horror timeline I exist in.

Serious brain rot.

Don’t know why Bluesky decided to show me a bunch of Japanese “art” tagged with “AI” and “AIart” suddenly. I don’t need to see your stolen “art” when I, an actual struggling artist, gains zero traction on any platform when I post my own. Yes, I muted the tags because I don’t want to see it.

Pretty sure if I didn’t have bad luck, I’ve have no luck. But this is also my stupid fault for not changing the email address first. Can I blame it on Covid brain since I’m currently sick with it? Maybe.

Awesome. I think I just perma-locked myself out of my AO3 account that I’ve had for, like, 13 years. Because my dumb ass needed to update the pw and email I no longer have and I changed the pw first… except the password manager didn’t save it (random strong pw) and I can’t send a pw reset email.

Just me over here watching Fields of the Nephilim’s Visionary Heads concert and crying because I’ll never see them. But also wondering if I should put myself into $5k+ debt to see them in London later this year.

I’m used to that tbh as Dragoncon vet of 15+ years. Just hope nothing goes sideways next year (I had to bail going this year due to a family emergency).

#HappyPride for the next 335 days, too.

Life lately (for all none of you reading this):
-worry about literally everything
-hyperfixate on my game as coping mechanism
-procrastinate on making con costumes because I feel too fat and too old to cosplay
-constant mental spiraling

That about sums it up. 😬

I was in DC going to see my favorite author doing a signing. I was walking past a hotel (I think) entrance not looking where I was walking and nearly collided with Gerald Ford and security detail (who were obv not being very detailed since I got that close to him).

I had one of these. I loved it.

Dissociating from my entire life by throwing myself into games (mostly BG3 again, now that I’ve finished Bloodborne). Being awake and aware of literally everything happening in my life right now is too stressful. It’s either game or complete mental collapse. 😬

Ugh, I’m sorry. I hate this timeline.

Crowd Roughs Up Nazi at Punk Rock Bowling Concert What did he think would happen?

SMITE!

Line drawing of Astarion from Baldur’s Gate 3 in a provocative pose.

Can’t wait to probably never finish this like all the rest. 😂

That sounds delightful and warm.

Astarion from Baldur’s Gate 3 becomes a $20,000 sex doll A $20,000 fully customizable sex doll based on Astarion, a character from Baldur's Gate 3, has recently attracted significant attention after being highlighted in a retweet by Larian Studios CEO Swen ...

I don’t need a $20,000 doll, I just get my husband to dress up in the costume. :3

I used to draw fanart all the time 10+ years ago but sort of reverted back to my weird horror art over the years (when I even bothered drawing because imposter syndrome). So it’s taking me approximately 1,000 tries to get some sort of Astarion fanart to cooperate with me.

It was nice being at a con for three days and not have to hear the orange 💩 at all. And to not have to check my phone every five minutes. Back to the real, more sucky, world. Blah.

Me: I didn’t even want to go to this con. Low effort from me this year!

Also me: sure, I can pull together both a Tav and Astarion costume in under a week, right?
😅

PlayStation Bloodborne trophy

Bloodborne Orphan of Kos prey slaughtered screen

Omg I finally beat Bloodborne! It only took about eight years of trying on and off before I finally set my mind to it and did it. The whole DLC, too! 📣📣

I am apparently a Bloodborne boss.

Aside from depression, what is it called when you’re simply checked out of life? No happiness, no joy, no looking toward the future. Just hopelessness, doom, and gloom. I’m barely able to get off of the couch anymore. Like, I don’t really want to unalive myself but I also just don’t want to exist.

Getting better at Bloodborne (finally). Finished Mergo’s Wet Nurse and Ludwig on the first try. Back to finish the dlc before finishing the game proper. Not looking forward to Laurence but I’ll give it my best.

And Nyarlathotep is the crawling chaos, seeding chaos and madness within humanity. Sounds like a certain unelected official to me.

Hopefully the actual Cthulhu can wake up and just get rid of this planet soon.

Each day, I find less and less reason to stick around. “The world is better with you in it”. Is it though? What do I offer that isn’t fulfilled by someone else? I’m just a depressive, aging loser, thoroughly disposable to almost everyone. Merely existing isn’t a reason to exist.

2025 has been great so far!
✅ probably losing my job due to Bobby Brainworms’ CDC cuts
✅ extreme family emergency due to my mom’s own poor decisions
✅ looks like a new medical issue based on abnormal test results
✅ favorite semi-feral cat stopped showing up
✅ squirrels in attic
✅ world on fire
😬😬😬😬