真莉あ

emily BITCHË

dolls to watch out for

get his ass

she hates the horsies get her ass

1-panel SMBC comic update. A man in shorts and suspenders leans sexily in a doorway. He is also wearing a police uniform hat and badge, with the badge pinned on the suspenders. Two women are looking in his direction. The man says "Don't try to hide, ladies. I'm here to conduct a warrantless search... For sexiness." The caption below the comic reads "Bachelorette parties became strangely ominous after the abandonment of the 4th amendment."

The bound and gagged stripper also gets weird after the first amendment goes away.

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starting to sympathize with the KYLR crowd. like posting open and proud on Al Gore's internet about being a rapey little rat is demonic

what else am I supposed to say when I ha de right temperature fi shelter she from de storm

they're making out sloppy style

isn't that second one emo

you have to send full frontal to discord or you get banned

she knows I'm right

Hallmark movies are a vile perversion of the beautiful Roman Holiday. let that high-powered banker go back to the city after sharing a heartfelt goodbye with the idiot farm boy she romanced for a week

Hallmark movies are a vile perversion of the beautiful Roman Holiday. let that high-powered banker go back to the city after sharing a heartfelt goodbye with the idiot farm boy she romanced for a week

it is

CVS CASHIER: How are you?
ME: Hey I’m all right. Any fun Valentine’s plans tonight?
CVS CASHIER, RINGING UP MY SEX TOY AND CHOCOLATES: Yeah but I’m guessing not as fun as yours

I sound like an insane person when I say that it's often ok to put metal in the microwave but like. it is. don't just trust what mfs tell you you gotta test that shit. PUT THAT SPOON IN THE MICROWAVE

I bet!

unfortunate! microwaves are great, I'm sorry she didn't get a chance to use one

I once lit a cigarette using an electric stove. haters will say it's not possible

the rush from doing shit that "everyone" knows is "obviously" wrong and finding out "everyone" are the wrong ones is incomparable

also like. if you're heating a bowl of soup and don't feel like taking it out. idk I'm not your mom

to prevent water you're heating from superheating and flash-boiling all over you

what do you mean by thaw a spoon sir

mostly they can cause intestinal blockages (because they're rocks) especially if they're still in the bag thing (because it's a bag of little rocks)

at least you added alt text which I approve of

oh man the world's smartest motherfuckers are here to tell me not to investigate things because they are "obvious"

funny you should post that. silica gel is also fine to eat btw. I mean it's just rocks, it's not poisonous

I mean I guess. I wouldn't say they're very common though?

this is so fuckin funny cause you THINK I'm trolling or whatever but like. no. I'm just correct. I am not trolling I am just saying a thing that is correct

don't put forks though that one isn't good

I sound like an insane person when I say that it's often ok to put metal in the microwave but like. it is. don't just trust what mfs tell you you gotta test that shit. PUT THAT SPOON IN THE MICROWAVE