Stephen Uitti he/him/it/they/hey-you

Good morning Ash and twits of Wülferhampton, happy Tuesday.

Need to watch out for Wulfie's Daark Bastard of Death...

Three graphs 0-100 Fahrenheit: 0 - Really cold outside 100 - Really hot outside Celsius: 0 - Fairly cold outside 100 - Dead Kelvin: 0 - Dead 100 - Dead

It's Fairly cold outside

We're not allowed to call the Higgs Boson the 'God Particle' anymore because now there's evidence that it exists. -- Sean Carroll, Physicist and Author

Thor and Friga are in movies. They're reel gods.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
Sigh.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
#joke

Drafting teacher said "If you want it put together temporarily, use nails. If you want it permanent, use screws". I thought maybe he was talking about houses, which we also drew.

i wish i had the rudimentary art skills to do a "crucifixiön" diagram ikea-style.

#joke 2 of 2

Jesus was nailed to the cross because screws weren't invented yet.

If allen wrenches were use to put Jesus on the cross, would that amount to a hexing?

#joke 1 of 2

Q: With whom does a crow associate?
A: His cronies.
Q: Where do they meet?
A: A cro-bar.
Q: What do crows drink?
A: “Old Crow.”
Q: Who was the first man to see the crow?
A: Cro-magnon man.
Q: Where does a crow keep his money?
A: In Escrow.
-- attributed to Clyde Tombough
#joke

A fatal disease brought on by sustained contact with overly sweet people is DiaBesties.
#joke

PROTOLOL jokes
I was promised a three way and all I got was a TCP handshake.
#protolol
#joke

Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.
#joke

A lot of Batman villains have advanced degrees: Harley Quinn/Psychology Scarecrow/Criminology Poison Ivy/Botany Mr. Freeze/Cryogenics Man-Bat/Zoology Hugo Strange/Psychiatry Hush/Plastic Surgery Mad Hatter/Neuroscience Grad school changes you.

Education will get you places.
But are they places you want to go?

Fingers are true friends.
I can always count on them.
#joke

I told the nurse i was bitten by a wolf.
"Where?" she asked.
"No. Regular."
#joke

I feel your pain. Oh, and without the required chocolate.

Teachers working without pay in US military schools during shutdown received debt letters Teachers in US military schools abroad who have been working without pay during the government shutdown received letters this week telling them they owed money to the government, CNN has learned.

www.aol.com/articles/tea...

Teachers in US military schools abroad who have been working without pay during the government shutdown received letters this week telling them they owed money...

Comfort food b/c sportsball team lost?

Let me see.
"I could care less" -- not actually true, except maybe when speaking sarcasm.
"I couldn't care less".
Oh, but comfort food! Recommend eating chocolate for a month.

The saying i'd heard was, three people can keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

In the current administration, any one of the inner circle seems to be enough for a leak.

Told him, "I liked the nose i picked."

There are an awful lot of people who wish it worked.

Plastic surgeons actually encourage you to pick your nose.
#joke

Two men walked home via a shortcut through the cemetery. They were startled by a tapping noise & found an old man with a hammer & chisel chipping a tombstone.

"Holy cow, dude, you scared us to death. What are you doing working here so late at night?"

"Those fools! They misspelled my name!"
#joke

I saw a microbiologist in person today.

He was much bigger in real life.
#joke

Which side of a duck has the most feathers? The outside.
#joke

A USB is a great backup, especially if USA fails.
#joke

Be sure to bring up politics at Thanksgiving this month to save on Christmas gifts.
#joke

Proverbs:
Where ever two or three are gathered, there is a leak.
#joke

People talk about the weather, but no one really does anything about it.
#joke

PROTOLOL jokes
The best thing about SCADA jokes is that everyone gets to screw in the lightbulb.
#protolol
#joke