Gabriel

I’ll let the world decide; All 3 of my lamps in my room need lightbulbs, is that because I’m:
A) Broke
B) A Guy
C) Too ADHD/Lazy/Neurospicy to care
or
D) All of the above

The answer is a cat video

To whoever put the sad music part from the beginning opening montage of “Up” with the Bing Bong sound clip from “Inside Out”, who hurt you???

100% brain reset every time without fail: Michael Jackson’s HIStory Music Video Greatest Hits Collection.

I went to New England, and all I got was crabs.

I legit thought you were working lol

Just step outside look around take a breath and say: what an oyster. And then shuck the shit out of life. You shuck that shit bro. Shuck it good.

Just Shuck It.

Literally 1000's of other things to watch...

Me: Put's on Con Air for the 100 millionth time

I think I've said it once but if not I'll say it again, Roy Wood Jr. was the reason those astronauts made it home from space and this season he WILL see the release of all the Epstein Files.

Reporter: Speaker Johnson Speaker Johnson, what do you have to say about Trump destroying the White House??

Johnson: *gutteral sounds of him literally choking on Trumps dick*

Reporter:.... Sir we need an answer with words this time.

(wipes mouth)

Johnson: Oh, my bad. I think it's great!

Did you book a hotel? Hot tub jets are broken. They say its not? Don’t trust them. I hate to say it, but they’re probably lying to you. No matter where you go, no matter what you do, the hot tub jets will always be broken. Just accept it. It’s gonna be all warm bathwater from here on out.

Next time you’re feeling out of sorts, go to the restroom and find a stall and sit down on the toilet as if you were going to the bathroom, then find something sanitary and carefully get whatever is in your asshole out. Guarantee it will change your perspective and mood. It’s called self care people

Post quarter life millennial aggression

What if 3IATLAS is just a big shiny interstellar metallic rock that doesn't act like usual comets because it's mostly metallic and is going too fast and has had nothing to affect it's path so when it came into a solar system with a sun nothing that we're used to happened?

Release the Epstein files

Yeah, ok, call me back when Siri can list off AND spell every single Pokémon ever made. Ok? BYE! *click*

If you bring up the White House press secretary whose name doesn’t deserve to be said out loud, I’m just gonna let you know now, I call her Fascist Barbie. Cause it’s what she deserves. Next!

When bidding someone farewell, is responding with “have a good night” every time unhinged energy or just dyslexia?

I had a crazy idea; What if we all got free food? What if everything we needed to eat from groceries to fast food to the industry as a whole was paid for and provided by the government, including wages of employees of service establishments, and benefits.. How much could we put back into the system?

Everyone knows that if we could all take our clothes off like in Bruce Almighty then we would, but otherwise it’s simple; pants, shirt, whatever else, and socks last. Nobody wants to deal with sticky ass feet.

Anybody ever feel like they’d pay as much as humanly possible to not exist and have everyone who you ever cared about not remember you and also have enough resources to set them up for the rest of their lives so they’ll always be happy and not have to worry about anything ever again? Yeah me neither

theyre called the yankees because they like to yankeeach other's penises

*Spoilers*
The scene in Return of the King when Sauron’s tower finally falls is just a satisfying as any time they use a seismic charge in Star Wars.

HAWT TAKE COMIN THROUGH

dudes rock dudes paper dudes scissors

Time management skills feel like:
Ahh, now I know exactly how and how long it’s going to take for me to get from here to there and be back with this much time to spare and then I have this much time to be ready to go by this time and aaaaAAAAGGGHHHH I JUST WANNA PISS ON TREE’S AND SCREAM AT ROCKS!!!

One of the many things that’s changed since not having a car or driving as much has been a pretty good development of my time management skills, it’s great but it feels equally stressful as it is impressive.

Next time someone really gets under my skin I’m just going to ask them why they’re acting like they’re an accident.

Try it out, let me know how it works for y’all!

I just unironically listened to Die Young by Kesha. For nostalgia. And I enjoyed it. Fuck getting older.

Look man, I talk to cats and they feed me information from the streets to help you guys catch criminals. It’s not glamorous, but it gets the job done. Now can you just trust me on this one?!

The 2 guards at watch when Pippin lights the Beacon of Gondor;
Guard 1: Aaaawww man, we are so fired.
Guard 2: Aye.

No AT&T, I do not want to add an extra line, but I’ll take one of them fancy new iPhone 17’s if it ain’t too much trouble.

Power to the people?

Where?