Kyle

He’s doing us dirty when he says Canada should be 51st state. Canada is at least 4 states cmon now.

It’s soup season again

Ok I’m on blue sky again because I’m a hamster in a cage with only a wheel or a dumpster fire to entertain me when I’m at work/on the toilet

It would be cool if humans could interact with eachother like humans and dogs do. Can I say hi to your friend? Hi buddy how’s your day going you’re so adorable and you’re doing so well given the circumstances of being a human. Instead we have social media.

Like 15 years ago I remember someone saying they thought it was so gross someone was checking their blackberry at the urinal. Meanwhile these days if I don’t have my phone in one hand I start pissing my pants.

Eating tuna salad like it’s my job. My job is mercury poisoning test subject.

Why are only toddlers allowed to wear cute teddy bear onesies and get pushed around in stroller by their moms what if I want that

I couldnt own a drill I would feel tempted to trepenate myself.

I apologize for my life amen

Dead internet theory call that post mortemism

What’s the point of social media anymore the magic is gone love isn’t real and god hates us

Skeletons have existed for thousands of years #medieval

It’s so cold/dry out a crack in my lip starts bleeding every time I smile. Smiling makes me bleed. Waaah shut up baby, so dramatic

My Funkos aren't appreciating value like in my 5 year plan

I feel content in my purchase of $500 for a synth I won’t ever use

Natural preservatives

Text based app is not good for me I need photos of food or thirst traps to ground my unhinged commentary and communicate a much larger message about how cool or hot I really am not how good I can write short messages

My diet is mostly eggs and fish the gas is crazy at the same time convinced if I don’t do 20 min oil pulls daily my teeth will fall out

I’m like if a Pokémon plushie could talk but like not in a cute way

I keep having dreams of political tyranny, collapsing institutions, my loved ones in danger, and unruly insane youth gangs. Idk why

The only way is through 🐋

Instead of quitting social media and touching grass (snow rn) I’m DOUBLING DOWN and getting more social media. Lord show us the way.

Making some miso pork stew n lamenting the state of the world. Fujiya satsuma age in the air fryer. Tweeting from beyond the grave.