Rascal Jackal

life sad me give no sad future be me build system give me SpaceX moon give me you

Ozempic for cats.

Why do they call it football? You don't even kick them in the balls.

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Shatencraken

The reason I'm single is because I spent $900 dollars on stuffed animals and if I got a partner I would stop cuddling them, resulting in a substantial sunk cost.

You can't say clock without coc

Imagine showing up to the Doomsday Clock Announcement and the guy makes full eye contact with you and then pushes the hand even MORE closer to midnight.

I remember when that happened. You skipped a day of work over this.

LETTUCE!

Look at how pissed off Ray Kroc is after finding out that one of his franchise's McDonald's is using lettuce in the burgers.

Look at Ray Kroc's twisted expression. The combination of disgust, pain, and wry amusement. This was the moment Grimace was born.

The scene where Ant Man's tacos got blown away made cry in the theater in real life. I had to lie and say that I poked my eye with a straw and that is was Sprite running down my cheek not tears. Also be sure to watch the new Avenger's Doomsday, only in theaters December 18, 2026. Starring Robert (Downey) Junior as Mr. Doom.

It is time to evolve from violent language.

Also be sure to watch the new Avenger's Doomsday, only in theaters December 18, 2026. Starring Robert (Downey) Junior as Mr. Doom.

Capitalism? More like capitalism lol

Edit: The second "capitalism" is meant to say "crapitalism" but I don't know how to fix it I apologize for the inconvenience.

A statue of a decorative rooster on an otherwise empty store shelf at Costco. The rooster is fairly well-detailed with nice coloring, and their head is thrown back, mouth open, tongue sticking out, clearly mid-adoodle. The sticker on the shelf for the rooster reads: "1768202 35 INCH FARMHOUSE ROOSTER METAL STATUE" with the price being, you almost guessed it, $66.99. You know, like the funny sex number. Funny. I'm a huge liar, I didn't even take this picture. A friend of mine took this picture. I don't even know if this is at a Costco, he didn't say. It could be a Home Depot because that orange paint on the shelving looks kinda like Home Depot. But the bare cinderblock wall behind the shelf makes me lean towards Home Depot, since I know a lot of the Costcos in the area have the more metal siding. But then I just gaslit myself I think because I just went and looked it up and this is obviously a Costco. Like, there should have been no doubt. But then I realized I haven't been inside a Costco in, like, maybe 10 years? And even then I think it was just the food court? I mean, it just doesn't make sense for me, as a single person, to go to Costco regularly. I can't use anything in bulk.

He warned us about the future and we MOCKED him.

he

my cat

If you can play the piano you can play the organ.

They are the same instrument.

Back in fourth grade my classmates and I invented these mini handheld Tesla coils made out of AA batteries and bent paper clips. We would poke each other to shoot electric shocks and shout, "Haha you just got Oppenheimered!"

We were three at the time.

Star Trek Bar and Grill

Mary Christmas

> Hear about the song "Silent Night"
> look inside
> not silent

The government.

That means Ben Quadinaros is worth more than me or anyone on this site will ever make in their lifetimes.

Hey guys I did the math

In 2012 Disney bought Star Wars for $4.05 billion dollars

The six movies at the time are 13 hours and 25 minutes

That is 48,300 seconds

That is $83,850 per second

Ben Quadinaros is on screen for 18 of those seconds

That means Disney paid $1,509,300 for Ben Quadinaros

Why do they call it football when you foot the ball of down touch hand the ball?

Dear " ""Santa"" ", (mom and dad),
[(Car●l and Stewart)],
😠
{[(Liars!!)]}

❤️
Love,
Evan and Sarah

You can't say badge without bad.

I'm ready.

So the other day I met a guy named Steve and he had a peg leg.

I was like, "lol what is the name of your other leg??"

Sixty Seven

Line

The airport is a lawless place. 7am? Drink a beer. Tired? Drink a beer. Hungry? Drink a beer.

FURRY THANKSGIVING:

- COMMISSIONS CLOSED turkey
- BREADABLE biscuits
- SHE'S MASHING IT potatoes
- MOMMY MILKER mac n cheese
- PIZZA found in the hallway
- FEMBOY stuffing
- SUSPICIOUSLY WEALTHY ham
- beans

Went to one of those audience participation screenings for The Wizard of Oz.

Worst mistake of my life.

Halfway through they started throwing asbestos back and forth.

Ray Kroc

I don't know.

Working in customer service be like:

I drrew this.

Creature

I have no friends so I brought along my stuffed animals for the road trip. Please forgive me.

Nature is beautiful.