fever ✦

I deadass forgot I had this 😭

Also I’m back in edtwt, same username if y’all wanna be moots

I might bc I’m staying the night at his place after work but idk if he’ll make me eat

Love going absolutely insane :D

I shouldn’t be centering a man but I always fall for the ones who I’ll never be in an actual relationship with

I’m so good at this

I ate some oranges. 320g for 183 calories.

Will I eat at all tomorrow? TBD

Texted him back eventually

My head is just fucked.

Finally pooped dropped like a whole pound so 134.9!!!

Annnndddd I threw it up

Had some lemonade

In other news, I’m 135.8 this morning.

Feel like I need to poop so we’ll see if it lowers

Still have yet to eat

I don’t want to either.

He texted me good morning and I’m just ignoring him anymore. Just leave me alone

I’m so tired of being a distraction

Genuinely, what are easy ways to commit?

I can’t get a firearm super easy and I don’t want to botch anything and become a vegetable

I need it to be 100% effective

A doctor to get this ambien and hopefully the mg they give me is works

I have been having trouble sleeping so I can over exaggerate it and definitely get prescribed it

I need to start my letters soon

I know they’ll all be pretty long but his will be the longest

Be my birthday.

I’m not gonna make it to 25. I can’t keep doing this

I hurt all the time, I feel broken, I feel like a burden

I feel like everyone is only around me because they feel like they have to be.

I might also get some nitrogen so I know for sure I’ll have succeeded

I just gotta see…

Distance-wise. I could text my mom which would kill her but she’s got a granddaughter on the way, so she’ll be able to be distracted while helping my sister take care of the baby

He’ll have his head so far over that person’s ass that I doubt he’ll care all that much. I’m thinking the date should…

I’m genuinely going to commit. I can’t do this anymore.

I’m gonna figure out how to get on ambien, then spend the night writing letters, and then take them all

Idk who I should let know when I’m done taking them. I don’t want to traumatize him more than this will but he’s the closest to me…

He doesn’t love them the same anymore when they come to visit

I’m just so bitter and angry and mad

I’ll never be worth it for anyone

I’ll never be important

I’ll never matter

It’s like this every. Single. Time

I’m a distraction until I’m no longer useful

Had a meltdown when he left last nigjt

I’m so mad. This person left his life with no explanation and just hoped he’d come back and now they get to be happy together again

I hate this. It’s bullshit. They left and just waltz back in

I might be a bitch for saying this but I hope he realizes he…

I’m tired because I know there’s nothing I can do to make him love like I love him.

Nothing I can say, nothing I can change.

I just wish I was worth more to him, that he wanted to build a life with me

And of course, him being here makes me feel better

I’m so tired if this

edsky intro 🤍

-> 22 | she/her
-> former edtwt user
-> ednos
-> sw: 69 | ugw: 50

I have been rotting in bed all day and he’ll be over soon

I feel so stupid

I waited almost 3 hrs like a dog

I just want to be alone, even from him

Just asked him to come over and hold me. I’m truly a mess

I don’t want to ask him to hang out all the time yet here I am wanting him to comfort me and he’ll do it because he’s my best friend and I know logically he cares about me but idk

I hate feeling anything anymore

I know I’m gonna get so much worse this time

This situation and also not being able eat due other issues and seeing my weight back down in the 130s after it being in the 140s for so long really triggered tf out of me

Maybe I can hit 127.5 by my birthday? It’s a month away… hmmm

Okayyyy just kidding

I have been crying yet again and wanting to be held. I don’t hardly have the mental energy to do much of anything other than rn

I’m pathetic (I texted him first)

And zero calories so far. Might be goofy and say fuck it and fast

Also reweighed myself after working out and I was 137.1lbs 😎

I’m going to be funny now

I’ll yearn but in a goofy kind of way

My main goal is to become ethereal and act like I don’t know nobody