🚨ANNOUNCEMENT 1 OF 2🚨

WELL WELL WELL.

🎺🎺🎺 Second book alert!🎺🎺🎺

Did you enjoy the gritty thrilleriness of The Cut Throat Trial?

Fancy some more, sunshine?

Kill All The Lawyers will be hitting the shelves next year.

Consider your appetites whetted.

Even I thought this was one of mine!

1 Nurse: It’s become a real problem in this area 2 Nurse: We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction 3 Show a building sign posted: Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it Nurse: Ministers, Spads, Researchers… 4 Nurse: Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely [Nurse on phone taking a call] Ok - we’ll be right over 5 Nurse: We just have a gentle chat [Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster Minister: I understand your concerns… 6 Nurse: Are you OK love? Minister: Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters 7 Nurse: That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian [Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters] Nurse 2: Give us your phone, love 8 Nurse: At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to [We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.] 9 Minister: YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR [woman looks baffled] 10 woman: I just want a bus service Minister: LOOK AT MY FLAG [produces a St George's flag] [ends]

The Salt Path people's big mistake was not just doing an Interestingly Bad Thing but doing an Interestingly Bad Thing which is nested inside two other Interestingly Bad Things (autobio porkies & 'natural' remedy grifting) so that everybody talks about your Interesting Badness for days

The real Salt Path: how the couple behind a bestseller le... Penniless and homeless, the Winns found fame and fortune with the story of their 630-mile walk to salvation. We can reveal it was far from the truth

Penniless and homeless, Raynor and Moth Winn found fame with their story of their 630-mile walk to salvation. The Salt Path became a global bestseller and was adapted into a major film.

But we can reveal it wasn’t the whole truth.

@chloehadj.bsky.social

Read more:

[Title panel] A Sad Poem by the most Revolting Tea in Your Cupboard [remaining panels show an old box of herbal tea, being passed over in favour of normal tea] Hello Yes it’s me, I’m here Are you looking for some tea? I’ve been here, behind the Candarel Since March 2003. Do you remember the day that you bought me? A blend of marshmallow and ginseng. You were in the mood for something new. But it turned out I was revolting. Still you kept me in here all these years, My bags turning dry and crispy, Watching boxes of Tetley come and go Just because I cost £8.60. And though you said that I smelled like a Magic Tree And my taste gave you physical pain I’ll wait in the dark, and dream of the day When you squeeze my bags once again.

The Pyramid stage never looked so small – smartphones take over Glastonbury: the Stephen Collins cartoon We’re going to gawp at our phones like a sad tableau of alienated modernity

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Kumar Sangakkara generations

Cartoon by Stephen Collins for the Guardian, here's the script: [Scene is outside a SUPERMARKET with a SOFT PLASTICS RECYCLING BIN out the front. A MAN is approaching the bin with a bunch of plastic bags.] 1 BIN [the bin is a talking bin]: Hello sir MAN: Hi 2 MAN: Will you recycle these plastic bags please? 3 BIN: Well, I am a green bin! 4 MAN: And you’ll recycle them? BIN: Well, I do have a recycling logo on me! 5 MAN: Will you recycle all of them? BIN: Well, I will recycle some of your bags! 6 MAN: Will you recycle them. BIN: Well, I won't burn all of them Turkey! 7 MAN: That sounds like something you'd say if you were going to burn most of them in Turkey 8 BIN: I will recycle most of them in Turkey! MAN: Into what BIN: Energy! 9 MAN: Does that mean burning them in Turkey BIN: NOW LOOK HERE 10 [The BIN has now sprouted ARMS and has aggressively grabbed the MAN by the shirt, pulling his face close] BIN: You're going to put them BAGS in my SLOT, right MAN: Oh my God you’ve got arms 11 BIN: Your gonna put them bags in my slot… You're gonna feel good about it… Then you're gonna go in that supermarket and SHOP. 12 BIN: Understood? MAN: How did you get arms

Plastic bag recycling bin it converses with a man

Cartoon script: comic strip for Prospect magazine, by Stephen Collins: [Scene is a suburban house. We hear a conversation coming from inside it, with the voice of the MAN who owns the house] 1 MAN: …You only installed it two years ago! 2 [Interior scene now, we can see the MAN is talking to the GLAZIER who has come to inspect a very oddly-placed window in the man’s wall] GLAZIER: Yeah I can see there’s been a bit of movement in the casing… 3 MAN: A bit of *movement in the casing*? 4 MAN: It used to be in the bloody middle! [The window, we see, is strangely positioned right next to the wall] 5 GLAZIER: Well, you went for the budget line mate. MAN: What? 6 MAN: Your budget windows *move across the wall*? GLAZIER: If you get comfortable with fascism, yeah. MAN: *What*? 7 GLAZIER: Look mate, we told you up front: Premium triple-glazed, Standard UPVC, and our budget line: ‘Overton’. 8 GLAZIER: Which can move to the left or right depending on the political acceptability of fringe views at any given time. 9 MAN: And what’ll it cost to put it back? GLAZIER: Pffff 10 GLAZIER: Maybe a third World War?

for @prospectmagazine.co.uk

1 [Title panel, like the old Ladybird book]: 'What To Look For In Spring with Kemi Badenoch' 2 KEMI [glued to her phone as she walks through a beautiful springtime scene]: One thing that always brings me joy at this time of year 3 KEMI: is to spot a really dank meme. [Kemi is walking past children dancing round a maypole, daffodils swaying in the breeze, cricketers playing on village greens] 4 KEMI: Or seeing the number of plays on my Jordan Peterson podcast [She has now entered a beautiful woodland, shafts of light dappling an infinite carpet of bluebells] 5 KEMI: Or beholding one of my mutuals get traction on X with a thread on Cultural Marxism and Gender Ideology [Butterflies flit past. A Badger scampers by her feet, unheeded] 6 KEMI: Or an inspiring takedown of Critical Race Theory by Katherine Birbalsingh, Britain’s Strictest Headteacher! 7 KEMI [a bluebird landing on her shoulder, a dragonfly buzzing past through a shaft of sunlight]: Ah - look - @Rando64’s reposted a fire crying-doge meme clapping back at some leftist journalist’s take 8 KEMI: [Continues] ...on my Insta post memeing what I said to Jordan about the West being in crisis from the metropolitan elite. 9 KEMI: [silently walking, still looking at her phone while deer gambol, lambs frolic, hares box around her, unheeded] 10 KEMI: [Walking off into out of the woods, still on her phone]: Beautiful!

What to Look For in Spring, with Kemi Badenoch

cartoon for the guardian by Stephen Collins - script as follows: [Scene is a darkened LOFT. Amongst the boxes and junk are FOUR KNACKERED OLD FANS - three tower fans and one circular, with cracked grey plastic and buttons missing. One fan, TOWER FAN 1, is a bit taller than the others, and is addressing them] 1 TOWER FAN 1: Right lads, get ready. 2 TOWER FAN 1: This is our time. 3 TOWER FAN 1: The time when we remember who we are, and why we’re here. 4 TOWER FAN 1: We are the four crap fans in a British person’s loft, and we are here to make absolutely no difference whatsoever. 5 TOWER FAN 1: I know what you’re thinking, lads: 6 TOWER FAN 1: Surely this will be the year they finally replace us? 7 TOWER FAN 1: Our plastic’s gone all brown... I haven’t oscillated since 2018... 8 TOWER FAN 1: Dave here sounds like a spitfire and blows like a sad cat’s sigh… TOWER FAN 2: Cheers mate 9 TOWER FAN 1: But no. These people are British, and every year, they forget the sun exists. By the time they remember, new fans will cost *four million pounds* on Amazon. 10 TOWER FAN 1: So we’ll be back down there... shovelling thick air across the moaning faces of a species that cannot comprehend the concept of air conditioning, or even just closing the curtains when it’s hot out... 11 TOWER FAN 1: ...while they incessantly bang on about normally hot countries which this country is now temporarily a bit hotter than. 12 [The loft hatch opens and a person comes up the ladder] PERSON: APPARENTLY IT’S HOTTER THAN GREECE, LISA

british fan chat

Comic for The Guardian by Stephen Collins. Script as follows: [Scene is the OLYMPIC STADIUM in London - like 2012 opening ceremony basically, but in the future, so a bit different. In the center of the scene is a stage-set of a BUS, which opens to reveal dancers playing the passengers. In the middle of them is a TEENAGER [played by an aged Andrew Garfield], listening to his phone out loud without headphones.] 1 VOICEOVER: And now to the next segment of the London 2062 opening ceremony 2 VOICEOVER: Which will celebrate an “ancient British scene” 3 VOICEOVER: of the People coming together 4 VOICEOVER: to get a teenager punished for not using headphones on a bus. 5 VOICEOVER: Andrew Garfield there as the teenager Still playing young at 79. 6 VOICEOVER: This piece is titled: 'Symphony of Tuts' [Dancers writhe around glaring and going tut tut tut] 7 [tut tut tut] 8 VOICEOVER: …and is intended to represent the ‘inward seething of a lost nation’ [Tut tut tut] 9 VOICEOVER: ...according to the director, ChatGPT. 10 VOICEOVER: And now, the arrival of the British Transport Police [BTP arrive and lift up Andrew Garfield] 11 [They carry him off the bus] VOICEOVER: To dispose of Andrew Garfield in a big pothole. 12 VOICEOVER: *Incredible*

The next time we have a London Olympics opening ceremony

Kemi Badenoch’s very online guide to spring - the Stephen Collins cartoon Oh look, I’m getting traction on Twitter

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Cartoon by Stephen Collins for The Guardian. Script as follows: [Scene is just a close up of Keir Starmer talking to someone off-scene] 1 STARMER: Mr President, thank you so much for agreeing to meet me 2 STARMER: It's great to talk to you so we can work together to maintain global economic stability at this challenging time. 3 [We see who Starmer is talking to - it is a small penguin low down in an empty panel] PENGUIN: Уuр. [Thge penguin has coiffed gray hair like Starmer] 4 [Wider view, show them both together now. they are on a cold, desolate island with lots of other penguins in the back=ground. Starmer's helicopter and pilot is also in the distance.] STARMER: So have you spoken to him then? PENGUIN: Who 5 STARMER: Donald Trump PENGUIN: The orange thing? STARMER: Yes 6 PENGUIN: Yeah I had a Zoom with him yesterday STARMER: Oh...really... 7 PENGUIN: Yeah I told him: look, it's a bit weird that you've put McDonald Island on this 'tariff list', but whatever 8 PENGUIN: I mean, we're just a cold, miserable island... isolated from the world, forgotten by humanity... We don't even *make* anything let alone export it to *America*... 9 PENGUIN: In a way it's flattering anybody remembers us enough to put us on a list... 10 STARMER [looking thoughtfully at the ground]: Mm. 11 PENGUIN: Hey- is the word 'Keir' some sort of trade term? He kept calling me 'Keir'. 12 [Wide view of the desolate, cold scene, Starmer standing talking to a penguin] PENGUIN: I'm new to all this.

one from last week

Cartoon for St George's day by Stephen Collins for the guardian. Script as follows: Scene is outside a cave, ST GEORGE in armour etc is confronting the DRAGON while the CAPTURED PRINCESS looks on. DRAGON: So let me get this straight. DRAGON: You’re hoping to reinforce ‘helpless princess’ tropes… DRAGON: By publicly stabbing an *endangered animal* to death with a *sword*… DRAGON: So you can force a whole Syrian village to convert to Christianity…. DRAGON: And become a nationalist icon for a colonial state… DRAGON: Through the cultural appropriation of ancient medieval dragon myths.  DRAGON: You’ve not been *online* very long, have you? GEORGE:  I have been quite surprised by the comments. GEORGE’S SOCIAL MEDIA ASSISTANT [who is filming this encounter on an iPhone]: I told you it’s problematic, George. DRAGON: Problematic? It’s a *bin fire*! DRAGON: OK. Here’s how you turn this round -  CUT TO a YoutTube post called ‘MY JOURNEY (An apology)’. GEORGE is crying to camera, Dragon in background. GEORGE:  I am *so sorry* guys… 

Happy St George' Day!

A 'day in the life' schematic drawing by Stephen Collins, for the wall of UCL neurology hospital, showing the work and daily life of a researcher into neurodegenerative diseases.

Last year I was commissioned by @designscience.bsky.social to do 'day in the life' schematics for a UCL neurology research hospital, to explain to patients & families what researchers at this institute do all day, in their work to find a cure for Alzheimer's, Parkinson's, etc. #illustration

The fight back against American BBQ culture starts here – the Stephen Collins cartoon Never ‘slaw’, never ‘smoker’, never huge beards …

We need to talk about American BBQ radicalisation
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

Screenshot of title and abstract of journal article. Title is 'The professional diversity deficit: the UK Supreme Court’s social security law blind spot'. Abstract is: 'It is no secret that the UK Supreme Court lacks demographic diversity. But there is very little commentary on a different diversity gap—that of professional experience. UK Supreme Court judges are typically drawn from lucrative areas of legal practice, creating a pronounced professional practice gap in the realm of social security law. None of the sitting Supreme Court judges have ever acted in a reported security case for social security claimants against the State. This creates a problem of perspective; would we really expect a panel of Goliath advocates to give David a fair hearing? This article highlights the hitherto under-explored evidence of a professional deficit on the Court, and argues that this cannot help but have an influence upon judicial perspectives. One such possible influence is the “alegalisation” of social security law—the treatment of it as not-law but as a matter of pure politics. Here, the article analyses how the line is drawn in key cases, in which it seems the Court feels responsible for defending some “pure law” human rights, while defending the courtroom from other human rights claims—those relating to social security. But poverty is a human rights issue, and human rights are (still) a matter of law. We need to bring social security expertise and claimant perspectives to the bench if we are to reassert the legal nature of social security rights.'

How many UK Supreme Court judges do you think ever acted as lawyers for a claimant in a social security case? ZERO. *Extremely nervous* to announce this rather bolshy ('somewhat contentious' and 'robust in tone') piece in the JSSL. I argue there is a 'professional diversity deficit' in UKSC, AND...

Comic by Stephen Collins for the Guardian. Script as follows: Scene is a British WOODLAND by a RIVER. A NATURALIST is stood next to a cage, and TV NEWS REPORTERS are filming him and the cage. 1 NATURALIST: And now It is my great honour 2 NATURALIST: to reintroduce the first wild beaver back into Britain 3 [Cut to the BEAVER’S CAGE. Its door is open and the Beaver is leaned nonchalantly up against the opening, smoking a cigarette.] 4 BEAVER: Well, well, well. 5 BEAVER: Look who's come crawling back. 6 BEAVER: Got a rubbish ecosystem have ya? 7 BEAVER: Not happy with the *critical anti-flood infrastructure* engineered by the flippin *badgers*? 8 BEAVER: I almost didn't recognise you without one of my ancestors on your head… 9 BEAVER: First you wipe us out… now you ask us to come back and build dams for free… You actually expect me to be *pleased* don’t ya? NATURALIST: I'm so sorry I…I… 10 BEAVER: “Ooh la la, the Brits have come crawling back…” Do I look like *Michel flippin’ Barnier*? 11 NATURALIST: I-if there’s some kind of… *remuneration* we could offer I-I’m sure… 12 BEAVER [throwing cigarette to the ground]: Unlimited pond weed, two tickets to Abba Voyage. NATURALIST: Done. [ends]

beaver's return

Reintroducing (not-so-eager) beavers into the wild – the Stephen Collins cartoon It’s a dam cheek …

The Reintroduction Of Beaver

www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

benion Grieving a wasted life At a point in life when there are far too many days behind than ahead, one tends to re-elected in contrast to standing up for the reflect on a life lived. In my lifetime decades greater good? were devoted to protecting America. Sacri A compromised Supreme Court recently fices were made both by myself and my fam- trotted out a shallow token standards of Ily in military service. The tip of the spear: conduct for themselves. Apparently it's Countless weeks over the years were spent not a bribe to accept favors after a deci-sion; only before. Corporations are people? living at the end of a runway on alert with an Really? Whatever happened to Superman's armed B-52 as generations of aviators have motto of "truth, justice, and the American done before and since. way?" The purpose: if required, be airborne Pay-to-play is the theme of the day. Un- in minutes on a one-way trip bringing a challenged and uncontested blatant conflicts nuclear Armageddon to an adversary. Fly: of interest abound. The rule of law is situ- ing the unfriendly skies over North Viet- ational if adhered to at all. America can no nam provided a brief interlude, but overall, longer be trusted. The unbridled pursuit of this long line of silent sentinels stood firm power and wealth driven by unquenchable to protect America by deterring external greed has left service above self and Con- threats to our freedoms and way of life stitutional norms in the dustbin of a quaint across the decades. I was privileged to serve past. with men and women of integrity imbued Recently the VA said exposure to Agent with a sense of service. Orange is the probable cause of the can- I'm truly grateful that the B-52s we flew, which were built tough, were engineered cers I live with. Actually I suspect it's more from yet unspecified sources, which cause on scientific principles and fabricated by experienced, skilled workers rather than military pilots to have significantly higher founded on mere beli…

This letter appeared in the Bloomsburg PA Press Enterprise this morning. I am assured the writer is who he purports to be, an Air Force veteran.

Spring! Always topical

Outstanding work

Government is dodging scrutiny on national security The Cabinet Office have refused a request from the Joint Committee on the National Security Strategy to take evidence from National Security Adviser Jonathan Powell

Congratulations to @mattwestern.bsky.social for being elected as chairman of this influential committee and on taking a principled stance in the face of governmental resistance open.substack.com/pub/theideas...

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