Unpuberty: What happens when your hands are cold and you touch your balls

Most people: (major inconvenience happens) "my day is ruined"
Me: (major inconvenience happens) "welp, guess I'll just have to..." (continuous series of minor inconvenience happens) "fuck this day"

Fate is only for the young. For your oast is short and future is vast. Believe your future is set in stone means you can focus the here and now. As you past grows and future shrinks, you slowly replace faith with melancholy to drive you forward. But it is a trap that holds you back. Is that so bad?

So I found this in 1 of my toilet paper rolls and decided to do some digging as this is clearly a burn mark. There have been several fires at tissue paper factories this month including at least 2 at Resolute factories. The brand of my toulet paper is Great Value which is often supplied by Resolute

I don't have it as good as most people think.
My life is just 1 big sink.
It drains with every pour.
Leaving me empty and wanting more

I have found more proof the universe is broken

Sand: not edible
Wich: not edible
Sandwich: edible

You know the economy is getting bad when they can't afford to put as much air in the bags anymore

Why tf does everything have to come with an advertisement? Trying to use the weather app to figure out if I'm safe or not from the weather and "Hey you should try fucking Starlink! Here's this fucking unskippable ad for 30 seconds. Hopefully there isn't a fucking tornado heading your way"

PC game devs: Lets make sure our game is optimized for low end machines so everyone can have fun

Console companies: If you want your game on our system and on PC, you better make it a shitty experience for the PC players or else because we cant compete with PC otherwise

You know what I love about music? It's transcendent. It allows you to feel something that isn't even there. It alters your perception of the now, then, and soon to be. It really is beautiful

Man the frikn tooth fairy is a str8 up scam. Put my dentures under the pillow by mistake and got a quarter. Bish those things cost like 3k

I hate hallucinations. Like, I'm having them every now and then. Nothing serious, just fleeting glimpses of things that aren't there, usually out the corner of my eye. I know they aren't really, because they disappear the moment I notice them. But they always catch me off guard

They don't make this stuff as good as they used to. Doesn't kill them fast enough. The wasps neat I sprayed, they keep coming back to it. And what they're doing is flapping their wings rapidly to generate enough heat to evaporate it. I've gone through two cans trying to kill one nest

Bro itts so frikn boring without YouTube in my life, but it's bett6than putting me and my family at risk by putting my physical address out there for everyone to see

So we have a wild kitten that seems malnourished and until a few minutes ago has been very skittish around us. It's mother has brought it over here to be safe. If anybody may know why it looks like this, that would be a great help on trying to get it help

Bro why you tryna buy a fleet of boats? Just buy one really big one XD

So if it does make you happy, is it the money or the knowledge that makes you happy?

So it looks like we are currently in a cold war as of several hours ago. Fun times

Remember kids. It's not censorship if your rights have already been taken away

How to handle a NAZI

Step 1: Toss a can of corned beef at their feet
Step 2: Ask them if they would like some more in a Canadian accent
Step 3: Laugh as they run away in terror

The universe is sexist. There are Atoms everywhere that make up all the things, but there are no Eves

You know your life is messed up when someone calls 911 on you because they are worried about your safety and the cop tells you that you need to smoke some damn weed

For a group of people who are so against the LGBTQ+ community, they sure are onsessed with man-dates

Th Crazy Train hes reached the end of the line. 76 years The Ptince of Darkness rocked this world. He continued rocking all the way to the end. You will be missed Ozzy. We love you with all the darkness in our hearts. Rock on with Little Nicky and the gang for enternity (T_T) lml

YouTube video by Deep Humor Exposing YouTube's Piracy Scam.

youtu.be/ToAKWHCVlCY?...

Seems like I was right about YTs ad practices

I have a better solution to save money in the government than defending services that protect people like firefighters in police departments. Instead, let's defend the Secret Service and ICE as well as not deploying US troops to invade US soil

Can someone please explain how tf I started watching a 20 minute long video at 2 am and after finishing that video with no ads and only watching that 1 video its 7:30 am???

Man I'm about sick of the left and right. America is in a shit state rn if hundreds dying in a flood turns inti political debate #1-999. Fick the politics, save people dammit. The Mexicans that came to Texas to help are more American than the asshats that want to argue morals rather than use them

I just feel so bad about my morals being flupped so hard. I feel empty and alone even though I know I am not. Flipping morals on a whim is not a good thing, and thats why I took so long to really think it out