Lauren

Girl you know I will come kiddo sit for you any time… you just text me what you need. I’ll jump in the car immediately. We’ll get your schedule back on track

Friend. 🥰
Thank you for having my back throughout this whole experience. Thank you for always showing up. You’ve saved me through many a dark night, starting with postpartum, and I could not be more grateful for you.

I’m just saying… gifting me a full set of colored sharpies is the quickest way to my heart.

Its like I’m finally heard again

Signing a new lease on a whole ass house and not that shitty condo for just me and my son (and the dog and cat) and my heart has never felt so lifted

You’re on your own kid. You always have been.

Oh my god if a box of steaks shows up… please manifest this for me

(Also side note I’d already called my dad to see if he had sent something. He did not. So now I’m scared FIL did because who knows what the fuck it might be)

I literally do not know what UPS is supposed to deliver to me today (bc I got the notification and I haven’t purchased anything lately) and I am terrified

Hang on to your britches

*males
*half a serving

8 lbs of sausage and potatoes and green beans later. I shit you not, cause I had to do 2 lbs of sausage just to feed the fucking men here. And it’ll be gone before tomorrow. Whilst I’ve only had one serving.

The best part about a crock pot dump is NOT GIVING A SHIT WHAT YOU JUST DUMPED IN IT GO WITH WHAT FEELS RIGHT
which also breaks my heart/brain when it comes to cooking
Anyway. Let’s try these viral swamp potatoes. Let go and let god, I guess (I did not stick to a recipe)

I feel this. @lauriliz on insta. Be prepared to receive memes

And then he coughs in my face.

Gently rejecting my snotty child’s offer of half eaten tortilla thank you very much I love you and I love your sharing but I’m good not hungry thank you

(He’s so polite and sweet I can’t stand it)

I SAW THAT TOOOOOOO and im so excited
I just wish they offered a grilled version

Ezackly

He just said “well, what if y’all just tag along?”
Nay nay, that sounds actually horrendous. The logistics, fuck me.

Just gonna sit here patiently waiting for my flowers and wine from @fadedtimes.bsky.social 😘

And if I’m really petty I’m not going to share it 🤤

BRB gonna go make a peach cobbler so I can calm my tits

THE FUCKIN IRONY IS THAT MY HUSBAND SELLS JEWELRY AND IS ON HIS WAY TO A DESIGNATION TRAINING

if jewelry could buy my patience i’d be set for life by now

Yes please. Yes. Yes.

AND ITS IN A WEEK AND HALF

moms, please tell me i am not wrong, i deserved a little more of a mental heads-up to prepare ON ACCOUNT OF THE TODDLER

as always, any of y’all single momming it you get my utmost respect
MY KID DOESNT EVEN LIKE ME HE ONLY LIKES DADA buckle up buttercup

JUST SENT ME HIS FUCKIN FLIGHT ITINERARY

ITS FOR SIX DAYS (2/3)

Tell me that you need to work on communication in your marriage I’ll go first

My husband told me a month ago he had <insert here professional training> coming up. Sounded like something he’s done before, in town, at a hotel.

Last night, reminds me. Oh it’s in Baton Rouge but only 2 days, ok

(1/3)

Today seems like a nice day to go to Lowe’s & spend a fuck ton of money just to piss my husband off on shit like lightbulbs, batteries, AC filters, Drano, a new door knob, a new mailbox lock…Just to remind him that I’m the only one gets that gets shit done around here

Think I’ll buy a new plant too

I almost lost my wallet before I even got to the airport and had a full meltdown cause I was already running late so
yeah
There will be some freshening up happpening this afternoon

“You know what this needs? Some muthafuckin RED WHITE AND BLUE. Fuck these muted modern shades, this is motherfuckin’ TEXAS”
- me pep talking myself

T can always call it when I’m not happy with a design; while he can never point out exactly what it is, he knows when it’s not cohesive. I’m glad he calls me out on this because it forces me to step away.

But now I’ve had time to think & now I know what it needs & I’m back to beauty base zero 😭

The secret is you have to stash a pile of bit o’ honey under your thigh while you sit at your computer hyper fixating on the screen until you snap to, then they’ll be just warmed and soft enough you won’t break a tooth. Trust me, I’m an expert.

Because would it even be a project if I weren’t stress chewing a bag of haribo goldbears and a movie theater box of bit o’ honey? RIP my jaw muscles