Widow’s garble

The random assaults are everywhere. Emails inviting me to look back at a year of "family fun", supermarket dine-in offers for two, competitions for holidays that I would have no one to go on with if I won... It's relentless. #grief #widowed #partnerloss

I hardly listen to music any more either, which is painful because it was such a big part of our lives together. Now I don't even think to put any on. I'll get a copy of that book. Thanks for recommending it. Sending hugs.

I've heard of that book but not read it yet. Will add it to the list. Like you I'm crawling through books these days. Keep forgetting who the characters are and having to start again...

'Acceptance is not agreement' - that's interesting. Never heard that before but it's good. I feel like I need to rail against what's happened because obviously it's not what I want. Hmm. Something to think about. Thank you! Hugs to you too.

Yes it's the everyday things as well as the big things. People talking about their holidays when the person you used to go with isn't here to travel with any more. Trying to do things around the house alone that you would have shared. It's pervasive in a way others just don't understand.

Exactly! Other people's perceptions are so alien now. My friend, who kindly came to the hospital when it happened, said on the first anniversary that at least no day would ever be as bad as the day he died. But every day is as bad, if not worse, because he's still not here!

Have had a bunch of those "How are you?" messages lately. Maybe it's the change of season. But what's the right way to respond? I say: "Thanks for thinking of me, I'm struggling on. Hope you're well." And then that's it. Interaction over. They feel pleased with themselves; I feel even more alone.

I feel exactly the same. I'm the only one carrying his memory on - but I'm doing a fine job of it! Think of him constantly still over two years on.

In our home, everything had a place. Now nothing has a place, especially me. #grief #widowed #uprooted

I have found that #grief really isn't linear - it's more like a pinball machine

www.thewidowshandbook.com/home/models-...

#widow

A friend rang up to cancel our outing at the last minute on Saturday night. She'd hurt her knee and was distressed so I was sympathetic until she said: "And X [her husband] isn't here to ask what to do!" Sigh. #grief #widowed #bereft #alone

Every slight, no matter how unintentional, serves as a reminder that I don't have a place in the world any more. I'm no one's significant other - or significant anything. #grief #widowed

I miss us. Our routines, our trips, our plans, our meals, our day-to-day, our tackling things together, our general 'usness'. Nothing can ever ease that. #grief #widowed #bereavement

You should be proud! Moving is incredibly stressful and with an injury that's even harder. Well done you!

How are you doing? Moving is so stressful.

Don't know if I'll ever be able to answer the question 'How are you?' again. Even harder in online messages - the people out there in their normal world think all must be well two years on. They don't want to know it isn't. #grief #bereavement #loss

Some days it's just too hard to accept that this is forever. #grief #loss #bereavement

Those last two sentences sum up my life just now!

Thanks for posting that. I wish there was something like that here.

The second anniversary of losing him has brought with it a shower of platitudes. Well-meaning souls who think themselves commendable because they have remembered the date, so they send those messages that begin 'I hope that you...' and finish with something that is definitely not the case. #grief

I'm finding that people are very keen to help – until it is time to actually help. #bereavement #alone #widowed

I feel exactly the same! But it's one question that even AI can't help with.

It was my love's birthday yesterday. Every time I saw the date I had a spontaneous brain spark that said 'His birthday!' followed by a crash of despair that he's not here to make a fuss of any more. #grief #hisbirthday #loss

Thank you - that does look interesting. Will try to give it a go.

So many grief groups and books fall back on the ‘You are not alone’ cliché. But I am and that's the problem. #grief #bereavement #alone

I got really down the other night and scrawled a note about the people who sent flowers when he died thinking they'd 'dealt' with the situation. Well done them! Nearly two years on I'm alone and struggling and the flowers and their senders are long gone. #grief #bereavement

I know. It's just too huge to comprehend.

Hugs back to you. I wish I had wise words but it still feels like it happened yesterday. Go gently. x

I know what you mean. I find myself feeling jealous of people who died really soon after their beloved partner. It's nearly two years now and cannot understand why I haven't died of a broken heart yet.

Last night after midnight a friend phoned my number by mistake. And when it rang I just felt confused. There is no more bad news to come because I'm totally alone now. And no one will ever ring me with urgent news in the middle of the night again. Is that a good thing? #grief #alone