James Inman

It's always darkest before the dawn. However, not all the time. It could be the middle of the night. Wait for the next day. Go back inside and go to bed. What are you doing outside at three in the morning?

The only thing I watch on Hulu is CNN. I know it's fake news like everything else. I don't trust their coverage on war, but I like knowing what they're trying to spin and what has blown up recently.

Oh no! Tylenol causes autism. I don't care about your babies. We can't even say fuck on TV because of your dumb fucking children. Fuck Tylenol. Sell heroin, Xanax and Adderall next to the cash register at 7-11.

Next time someone says Charlie Kirk was a martyr I'm quoting the Bible,

"But these false teachers like animals, made to be taken and destroyed, speak evil of the things they understand not; and shall utterly perish from their own corruption."—2 Peter 2:12

Of course you're going to play Saudi Arabia. You haven't said shit here truly radical or mocking the rich. You think liberals are the establishment—rape jokes, LGBTQ and mocking the poor are your edgy schtick. Of course you can play Saudi Arabia.

How the fuck did you find somebody worse than Nixon? I didn't think that was possible.

The only good thing that will come out of this Charlie Kirk assassination is maybe some of these Fundamentalist Christians will finally crack open their Bible and read the Gospels.

Who would have guessed all that training those anti-government militias were doing in the woods back in the 1990s was a waste of time. They weren't training to fight tyranny; they were waiting around for the right tyrant.

Alex Jones entire schtick in the mid-1990s was Posse Comitatus. For thirty years he endlessly jabbered on about National Guard Troops taking over the country. Now his fanbase are cheering it on as if they were black out drunk for thirty years and forgot what they just said.

Ever get into an argument with a comedian on social media then find out you started doing standup comedy before they were born? "Oh, so you think you know comedy, do you? I'll bet you do. You know your mom used to love comedy..."

I think a NASA engineer heard one too many fake moon landing conspiracy theories, "Fuck you, I'll put a goddam nuclear reactor on the moon, fly your ass up there and burn your dick off with a U-235 fuel rod heated to 5092 degrees Fahrenheit and then you'll shut the fuck up."

I always thought the Radical Far Left were Sandinistas, FARC and Che Guevara. If they're going to call me Radical Far Left, I might as well join up with those guys.

Nietzsche's take on the Superman is a deep read. The Upanishads is a deep read. Kafka is a deep read. This is war propaganda for adult children force fed to us by the Pentagon.

The people who say you should never talk about politics or religion at a party never want to talk about literature, history, film, art, philosophy, culture, psychology or current events either. They want to talk about sports or jabber endlessly about their children.

Israel has 90 guns in his house, calls the cops on Iran, cops search Iran's house and no guns are found. If Isael asked me, "Iran's got guns buried deep in his backyard we need you to dig them up with your bunker busting shovel!" I'd tell him to his face, "You killed Jesus."

Can somebody please tell Netanyahu pretty much everybody on the planet has been living with the bomb since 1945.

Who would have predicted an ex-gameshow host with 88 criminal charges of falsifying records, election interference and mishandling secret documents would go back on his word of no more war in the Middle East? You'd have to be a clairvoyant or some shit to see that coming.

Israel reminds me of a meth tweaker peering through the shades out the window at a white van when we've told them 15 billion times it's just the dude next door who owns a white van.

People take offense when someone as dumb as I am points out how stupid they are.

I'm going to have to take Mexico's side in the war of L.A. MS-13 risk their lives everyday bringing party drugs into this country. While cops, National Guard and Marines aren't that fun to hang out with, have shit taste in music and flinch every time there's a loud noise.

See what happens when you clean out your basement? Found an old headshot of Joey "Coco" Diaz. This was Seattle, back in the 90s laying low on the witness protection program.

Fuck Ukraine and fuck Zelensky. That shithole country is going to bring us to the brink of nuclear war. Who dung up Reagan's head and reattached it to the Democratic party? When did you become warmongering cunts? Not my party anymore and fuck Trump too.

If you want to be any good at standup comedy, don't do puns. If you have any balls whatsoever and the skill to go with it, speak truth to power.

A young open mic comic I occasionally give advice to in Twitter DMs just got arrested for telling a joke. I haven't heard all the details yet, but I'd just like to say I'm proud of my new students.

I need to ask Joe Rogan where I can get some of that sweet Soros cash for protesting Tesla. Must be somebody who books that gig.

Musk isn't even an American and he wants to come here to lecture ME on rugged individualism and personal responsibility? Hey, fuckface don't come to my country if you're too dumb to know what a Nazi salute is and then cry like a bitch when your cars catch on fire.

Vandalism is not domestic terrorism. This country was founded on dumping 342 crates of tea into the Boston Harbor. Deal with it you big fucking baby.

It's been endless war for 24 years goddam give it a rest.

The artform itself is demeaning.

^^THIS kind of shit right here. Sorry my activism makes you uncomfortable. I fully KNOW what war propaganda is since they've been shoving it down my throat for the past 24 years.