Abusers are full of contradictions.

Once you notice them, you’ll see them everywhere.

Trust your gut, because contradictions are a huge red flag.

“You Are Mine”: Exposing the Ownership Mindset Behind Abuse At the root of abuse is ownership.

The belief that a partner or child can be owned is at the core of abuse. It explains the constant control, the seething jealousy, the silencing of individuality, and the dangerous rage when ownership is challenged.

One day, they’ll look back on their childhood and realise their father denied them the help they needed, kept them in chaos, and gave them a life far harder than it ever needed to be.

I suspect both my children are neurodivergent. Of course, their father refuses to acknowledge or allow support for this. So instead, they’re left to struggle, each in their own way.

And yet, somehow, family court still believes that a father who surrounds his children with chaos is what’s best for them.

So when an abuser refuses to plan, avoids structure, and fuels daily unpredictability, they are not just being disorganised. They are actively harming their children. They are starving them of the security and consistency every child deserves.

Abusers thrive in chaos.

But studies show children thrive in routine, structure, and clear boundaries.

They don’t just live with him; they live inside his version of the world, and every conversation I have with them reminds me just how much that world has distorted the truth.

And he’ll repeat it over and over again until the children not only believe it, but say it with conviction.

That’s what coercive control looks like. It’s not just restriction or threats, it’s shaping their reality. It’s limiting their access to truth, to balance, to perspective.

He won’t say that poor financial choices and accountability are what keep him from moving back to the village, not the military, not the market, not anyone else.

What he will do is rewrite the truth to protect his image and avoid responsibility.

This is another fiction, repeated so often they believe it as fact. No, the cost of living has increased everywhere. But their father won’t tell them that. He won’t say he failed to pay rent for months, lost his job, earns less than he has in years, and was evicted.

It’s a manipulative marketing tactic, and they’ve been led to believe it’s a gift they’ll miss out on if they don’t follow the rules.

Then there’s the comment that “the military have made house prices too high in our village.”

The latest example? A conversation about a “credit” on Temu. They’ve been told they have to buy something today to unlock the credit and then they can choose something else. They truly believe it’s “free money” they’ll lose if they don’t act. But it’s not.

The more time I get with the children, the more their words reveal just how much control they’re under.

The scary thing about #gaslighting is how subtle it is. They correct small details, make you second-guess conversations, & soon you’re questioning your entire reality. That’s the goal—to keep you so confused you can’t trust your judgment, making you more dependent on them.

Trust yourself and always believe in you! #gaslighting

And when your evidence is ignored, dismissed, or erased altogether, these reports aren’t just paperwork. They are retraumatising, dangerous, and deeply harmful.

When one version of “truth,” like a Cafcass report, is taken as gospel and it’s built on half-truths, errors and bias, it becomes a weapon. A tool of abuse in itself.

• Later reports still referencing these closed matters, saying things like “FII was a concern previously,” without ever stating it was dismissed

• Reports shaped by bias, leading meetings where attendees are encouraged to find fault even where there is none
• Serious allegations like FII not being progressed, but also never properly closed down or corrected, so they linger in the background poisoning every report that follows

• Vital information deliberately left out, particularly details that would show evidence mistakes and failures
• Misquotes from me and those who support me
• Every new report bringing a new accusation, as if the writer is hunting for a way to discredit me

Here’s what I’ve come up against time and time again:

• Basic facts wrong: my surname, dates, where I live, even mixing up of children
• Promised content or balance, only to be lied to and misled

I’ve only skimmed it, and while it says what I was hoping for, my trauma response has taken over. Because after four years of report after report filled with distortions, omissions, and attacks, even opening a document feels dangerous.

I recently received a report. One I requested. One I’ve been anxiously waiting for. And yet, now that it’s here, I’m completely triggered by it.

So yes, unregulated “experts” must be banned. But if we don’t address the root of the harm, Cafcass and the unchecked power they hold, victims will continue to be failed long before the “experts” even arrive.

And yet I committed no crime. I didn’t harm anyone. I was just a mother doing everything I could to protect my children, and for that, I was targeted and destroyed.

They ignored their own policies. I wasn’t offered therapy. I wasn’t supported. There was no pathway or progression forward. Just punishment, restriction, and silence.

We did have an “expert” in our case, and they were regulated. But by then, the damage was done. Four years of Cafcass bias had already infected everything. No new findings, no progress on the FII claim, but their view didn’t change. It wasn’t about facts anymore, it was personal.

And why? Because I held boundaries. Because I wanted my children safe. Because I spoke up when things were wrong. That was enough for them to turn on me.

They were the first to ignore the abuse.
The first to label me as alienating.
The first to accuse me of Fabricated Induced Illness (FII), even though no doctor ever raised a concern. No referral progressed. No one has ever questioned my parenting, until Cafcass decided I was a problem.