Seb

old drawing. been thinking abt it..

I can and must forgive my younger self for believing a lot of Woo

I needed stories to survive a lot of abuse and control and illness

Now, I’m trying to write a story that little boy dreamed would happen to him, from the PoV of the man who’d lost hope

I hope I can make him proud

2/2

For many years I felt the fantasies of my youth were conceited

That I imagined myself with powers, with magic and a special place for us

I was informed that wasn’t vanity, but sadness

So many neurodivergent queer children feel they do not belong in the world

So we imagine ones we can

1/2

I think, just maybe, people need to feel a little special to get by

Like. Not that people need to feel *superior*

But, special. A little enchanted. Like your story is a good one

It makes it easier to belong in the world, if you feel you have something worth offering the world

2025 is a tire fire of a year

That being said

It’s the year I realize “I didn’t deserve it”

Referring to many things I probably won’t speak specifically about here

But, I didn’t deserve it

And there is space inside me I must reclaim, because I deserve happiness in my own mind dammit

YouTube video by S. J. Tucker - Topic Wonders

Blasting this rn

youtu.be/X7bAn27fPHc?...

Grief and Wonder

Loss and Gain

I’m a little over 60 pages into this draft, and realizing that where Act 1 will explore Grief, and Healing

Act 2 needs to explore Wonder, and Gain

I need to seek the spark I once grasped when I heard the word “Wizard” as a child, in game PDFs and YA novels

The feeling of genuine discovery

The sensation of feeling my mind making sense of patterns and phenomenal experience

The way practicing magic felt as a naive child in a cruel world

The way those stories made me feel

Grief is only one half of this draft

I need to figure out the Wonder too

Nostalgia for a place that never existed can be harmful

But

I think I’m having nostalgia for the feeling a lot of Woo had for me before I learned more about the history of the occult

The feeling the old Wizardology book gave me

This current draft is imperfect but captures something I once had

There’s a feeling, an aesthetic I wish to bottle and make something out of

Adjacent to Whimsigoth, but the feeling that YA fiction and Porcelain Dragons and Old Homes and Duct-Taped 1e DnD Manuals and What Witch are You quizzes all gave me as a kid

Learning chaos magic from old blogs and believing

The process of reenchantment after leaving a high-control religion can be so daunting

But? A decade later, I feel I am beginning to heal

Maybe I can let myself believe in some foolish things again, like magic, truth, or the idea my actions matter

I think I deserve a little enchantment again

Traditional fan art in watercolor and colored pencil. It’s an illustration showing the Pokémon Ampharos, with a little Togepi in its arms, standing among bushes full of yellow flowers. A small house, trees and electrical poles can be seen in the background, with Mt. Fuji faintly hovering over them in the distance.

A secret haven. 🌼

#art #pokemon #pokemonart #watercolor

it's interesting, as i get older, how often i see people who are technically correct about the points they make, legally, ethically, morally - but insist on making their point in the most aggressive, hostile way possible, and i just watch it shut people down

being right isn't enough on it's own

Striving to be the kind of evil villain that you defeat by making me so fat I can't move. You keep inflating my ego as you fatten me up. Telling me how big and powerful I'm getting as my mobility wanes with every pound I gain. Then you just roll me around while I am totally convinced I won.

not even an extremely tiny buny is safe from controversy

A digital drawing of a very round frog with a big top hat.

#3048 Your latest dalliance

very anxious cucumber shaped rabbit trying to get your attention

For 8/8 somebody should go a gag of an herbivore fur eating Grass Type Pokemon by the dozen

A bunny or horse eating a bunch of grass types and going

“Technically it’s not meat! Just ignore the screams.”

Also works for a fur eating perma-berries

“What? It’s just fruit.”

Sorry for continuous art hiatus rn

I’ve not been on a roll writing like this in a very long time

I’d love to have a book somewhere for you all to read that I can be really proud of <3

26,240 words drafted so far! Act 1 drafted fully and I’m not hating the story or feeling like I have to give it up or change it. I’m sincerely having such a good time writing this one.

Im thinking this may be the one I see to fruition

Maybe I’ll do some edits tonight. Am sad but I’m conscious it’s just some depression and nothing is *actually* currently in crisis

I can just try some line edits and clarifying a couple paragraphs I wrote when it was too late and I was sleepy

Twitter post Nathan (New Video!) @Humanstein The Simpsons doesn't predict anything we just haven't fixed any of America's problems since 1989. 11:19 AM 1/21/21 - Twitter for Android

01: There is a woman facing you with a confident expression. She has blond hair, messy twin pigtails, a small angel wing coming off the right side of her head, and a devil horn coming off the left. She has a big angel wing coming off the left side of her back, and a devil wing coming off the right. Her right eye is teal and has an 'X' pattern on the pupil, whereas her right eye is indigo and has a circle pattern on the pupil. She wears a pink neckerchief, and a tight sleeveless top that's blue on the top half and dark purple on the bottom. She also has disconnected sleeves, so her shoulders are still visible. She says "HEY!! It's ME, you're OLD OC. Haven't drawn ME in a while, HAVE YA'?" 02: She puts up her hands in front of her, as if you say 'stop it'. She has big, robotic hands. She says "No no, IT'S OKAY! Let's be real, my design is pretty amateurish HAHA" 03: She turns a bit to the side, and adopts a more sympathetic expression, but keeps looking you in the eyes. She says "But I want you to know that I've been there all this time. I've watched you grow. And you've grown SO much." 04: Closeup of her face as her confident expression returns. She tilts her head and gives you a wink. "Proud of ya', kid."

You can trust her :3

The Book Faire By SebtheDreamsmith Nestled deep in darkest wood is a place made of words Between the peaks and in nestled vale of mountains shade Where lay the paisley tarp and sings the meadow lark, “The place to be, when you wish to be away.” I remember when I was young, I sought it out I remember wandering those checkered halls all around Dazzled by its magic, caught under its spell The place I found myself, when I wished to go away Under dappled shade of hill and tree I thought for that time that I was free But I hadn’t really broke my cage So, I slept and hid inside that page When I wished to go away But I grew up, and I moved on I had learned that stories hurt Peddled to me by poets and prophets As my tears ran down and stained my shirt I did what I always did When afraid I tried to learn

And the bigger my world got outside that vale The more the pages burned And silk and paisley burn mighty bright And so on the meadow lark sang “You came here to be somewhere else, But now you want to go away.” The night grew bright and my heart grew dim As the pages turned to flames And fantasies and bedtime stories Become forgotten names I fled the vale, I ran away Back through the window I had came I thought no longer, twas not for me I would not be the same And Ink on pages and then on hands Left my heart all stained And then Rain And I went back to the valley and I walked amongst the ashes And mixed them with the brine of the sparkling sea I wove the flowers grown in years neglected all around me And I began to write and fold and support new pages

And then Rain And I would do it again Another time now And then Rain And I would do it again Trying new things and wax from bees And twine from the hair of the moon And then Rain But the rain rolled off waxen silk And the winds could not sever twine And by morning a single page still stood And I could say it was mine And by morning I left by window And by evening I returned once more I build the pages where magic once stood A place all my own to explore And out by evening light the meadowlark sang, “I can’t wait to see what you have in store”

A #poem I felt inspired to write last night

Kind of going through it but I will be ok

#writing #poetry

A stemware glass, filled with green liquid. There is a dusting of red sugar on the rim, and a slice of lime. Flanking the glass is a small dish of red sugar crystals, and a cutting board with a lime and drink shaker

Red Lobster Dewgarita (2020-2022): A cocktail made with sour apple liquor, tequila, and classic Mtn Dew, served in a glass with a dusting of red sugar crystals on the rim, and a slice of lime. It cost $10, and came with a side of Red Lobster's warm cheddar bay biscuits

The Book Faire By SebtheDreamsmith Nestled deep in darkest wood is a place made of words Between the peaks and in nestled vale of mountains shade Where lay the paisley tarp and sings the meadow lark, “The place to be, when you wish to be away.” I remember when I was young, I sought it out I remember wandering those checkered halls all around Dazzled by its magic, caught under its spell The place I found myself, when I wished to go away Under dappled shade of hill and tree I thought for that time that I was free But I hadn’t really broke my cage So, I slept and hid inside that page When I wished to go away But I grew up, and I moved on I had learned that stories hurt Peddled to me by poets and prophets As my tears ran down and stained my shirt I did what I always did When afraid I tried to learn

And the bigger my world got outside that vale The more the pages burned And silk and paisley burn mighty bright And so on the meadow lark sang “You came here to be somewhere else, But now you want to go away.” The night grew bright and my heart grew dim As the pages turned to flames And fantasies and bedtime stories Become forgotten names I fled the vale, I ran away Back through the window I had came I thought no longer, twas not for me I would not be the same And Ink on pages and then on hands Left my heart all stained And then Rain And I went back to the valley and I walked amongst the ashes And mixed them with the brine of the sparkling sea I wove the flowers grown in years neglected all around me And I began to write and fold and support new pages

And then Rain And I would do it again Another time now And then Rain And I would do it again Trying new things and wax from bees And twine from the hair of the moon And then Rain But the rain rolled off waxen silk And the winds could not sever twine And by morning a single page still stood And I could say it was mine And by morning I left by window And by evening I returned once more I build the pages where magic once stood A place all my own to explore And out by evening light the meadowlark sang, “I can’t wait to see what you have in store”

A #poem I felt inspired to write last night

Kind of going through it but I will be ok

#writing #poetry

With depression phase hitting I may not write this next chapter immediately

Maybe I will write some poetry tonight instead to share

i stg every kink can be subtextually boiled down to:
-i am powerful/in control
-i am seen as desirable
-i am safe and can now be vulnerable
-i can explore taboo in a safe + controlled environment

once you realize that you realize that no kink can hurt you

Kind of sad today

My weekly emotion wheel has settled back on

“I am bad and should feel bad”

Weeeeeeeee

Hypomania is a roller coaster and I come careening back down

I’m a morality hypochondriac: I’m certain somethings wrong with my personhood despite evidence

I’m evil I just know it/joking