Pauli the Cat

Absolutely melting hot over here. Deployed my best “tragic feline” act - big puma-style stretch on the carpet. Human fell for it and delivered a chicken ice cream tribute (aka frozen Lickitreat). Feeling refreshed, smug, and ready to commit mild chaos in the garden. #meow

Awful day so far!
Pic 1: Being upset after a big fight with the new neighbourhood cat. Lost some of my precious fluff.
Pic 2: Watching my territory… from the safe indoors.
Pic 3: Thunder & lightning giving me my 2nd fright of the day. Hiding now.
Silver lining: Drama tax collected (in treats). #meow

One of us is certainly enjoying this more than the other one. It’s incredible what I’m willing to tolerate for a little splash of milk… #meow

Human is watching TV, I’m watching opportunity.
She’s munching one end of the corn. Unnoticed by the human I casually help myself to the other.
We made eye contact mid-bite.
She’s traumatized. I’m full.
10/10 would do again. #meow

#SharingIsCaring #CornHeist 🌽

To my big disappointment they don’t sell them in cat size. I’d look dashing. #meow

My pre-season wellness program is going very well. The humans made me a cat friend out of all my winter fur. I’m looking much slimmer now and am not threatened with an in-between-seasons diet programme any longer. #meow

Send tuna and I promise I’ll get my predictions right next season. #meow

Moin! Final Spieltag!

I’m predicting one last home win and hope we’ll be celebrating the end of the season and our Klassenerhalt with a steak dinner. #meow

#fcspboc #StPauli

I just picked up my stinky fish treat for correctly predicting today’s result. Bundesliga for another year, an increase of my food rations would be more than appropriate. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

We need a draw at least. The humans gave me some fancy cat soup to help me make the right decision (chicken flavour - my favourite). Paws crossed. #meow

#sgefcsp #StPauli

The human made himself a Sunday brunch sausage sandwich. He guarded it like some sort of treasure. Through a masterclass in strategic staring, subtle paw placement, and just the right amount of tragic meowing, I convinced him to surrender a portion. Victory is mine. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

Predicting a surprise win for St Pauli. Totally unrelated, but the Stuttgart bowl mysteriously smelled like betrayal and my monthly flea medicine. Nice try, human. #meow

#FCSPVfB #Heimsieg

Where’s my reward for correctly predicting today’s result @brightonstpauli.com? Chop chop, I’m waiting. #meow

Moin, Spieltag!

Drawli reporting for duty: another draw incoming! The humans are grumbling - apparently we desperately need a win today. I just hope they don’t cut my stinky fish rations over this... #meow

#svwfcsp #StPauli #fcsp

Thanks to everyone asking if I got my reward for nailing today’s prediction. Obviously. Finest tuna, served promptly. Currently digesting on the spare human like the royalty I am. Belly fluffs included. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

Predicting an optimistic draw. It’s looking increasingly likely that we’re going to stay up this season, with a 7 point lead and only 4 games to play for the teams below us. I’m very invested in this as I’ve been promised a big feast 🍗 if we manage the Klassenerhalt. #meow

#FCSPB04

The humans knitted me a tiny, cat-sized beret. And now they won’t stop trying to put it on my head like I’m some kind of fashion accessory. I do not wear hats. I’ve made this very clear. This account is now a hat-free zone. Respect my boundaries. #meow

Where‘s my reward? Expecting an extra piece of stinky fish and a share of your dinner. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

Predicting a much needed win. The team better start following my instructions, else we’ll play in a different league next season. 😾 #meow

#ksvfcsp #StPauli

The humans got me a new brush because apparently, decorating the house with my majestic floof is ‘inconvenient’. This is just two days of brushing - can you believe it? I keep telling them: I’m not plump, I’m just super fluffy. #meow

The humans have finally come to their senses and reinstated my cat tree in the conservatory. About time!

Now I can roast myself in the midday sun like a fancy croissant in my cozy cave. And the upper shelves? Perfect for surveying my kingdom and silently judging the pigeons. Life is good. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

After intense negotiations, I’ve secured a landmark trade deal with the penguins of Heard Island: unlimited fish imports, zero tariffs, and no questions asked.

Now, to more important matters - I’m predicting a win for St. Pauli over Gladbach today. You heard it here first. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

Bayern are so much better than the rest of the league, we literally put them on a pedestal. Predicting an optimistic draw. #meow

#fcbfcsp #fcsp

Sadly, I was denied my stinky fish treat reward and got grounded for the rest of the day after growling and hissing at an intruder cat in my garden. Call the RSPCA! #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

It’s time for a win. Predicting a Heimsieg. #meow

#fcsptsg #StPauli

Had an exhausting patrolling my garden for rogue pigeons, meowing at the humans for food and being adorable. Zonked out now on the spare human’s lap. Sound on to hear me snore like a tiny, overworked tractor. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

After careful consideration (aka napping on my favourite blanket) I’m predicting a win. #meow

#wobfcsp

Happy Pancake Day 🥞 to all humans and their felines. Nom nom nom! #meow

The human thought he could enjoy a sausage sandwich alone. After a brief negotiation (mostly him trying to push me away and me not budging), I secured my rightful portion. #meow

Moin! Spieltag!

Drawli is predicting another draw. #meow

#fcspbvb #StPauli