Paige

Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk WASHINGTON—Trying to figure out if he had a third brother he forgot about or if Don Jr. had just lost some weight, President Donald Trump was reportedly struggling Friday to remember how he was related to Elon Musk. “I know that if he’s this high up in my organization this Elon guy must be related […]

Trump Struggling To Remember How He Related To Elon Musk
theonion.com/trump-s...

And he’s targeting federal agencies. I think that’s how he’s been relatively protected for the most part. I know states have already went after him but fuck he needs to be vaporized already. Hopefully the times cover makes Trump jealous and he’ll kick him to the curb for us

Literally. They could have done such a better job with this. Elon needs to be launched into space. We can see what a human body does just out in space freely. For science

I would genuinely shit a brick if he did. And be impressed as hell. But would still wish his sweet demise would be sooner than later, can’t lie about that..

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover

Mitch McConnell Vows To Continue Falling Down Stairs In Face Of Fascist Takeover
theonion.com/mitch-mcconn...

Hi, let’s practicing focusing on the problems directly in front of us, not referring to past presidents or compare to hypothetical situations. We really need to focus on the now without deflection

ICE Argues Migrants In Camps Are Free To Die At Any Time

ICE Argues Migrants In Camps Are Free To Die At Any Time
theonion.com/ice-arg...

Oh let’s not forget him. The heritage foundation is letting Trump be loud and destroy everything so when he conveniently is gone Vance can swoop in & save the day! Jk, he’ll just further implement everything but wasn’t the guy that did it initially. & people are dense enough to buy it

Ugh I want to click on it out of curiously so badly. But I’m typing this instead haha

These people intentionally only listened to what they wanted to hear. And now we have to listen to their “oh I’m so sad” shit. Save the tears you fools. My sympathy goes for the people that care when they’re not directly impacted. None for people who have no sympathy without consequences first.

I feel like this has to be their intention for some reason. What else would be their motive? I feel like they want to limit interaction between states and regions, def the world

Megachurch Conducts Successful Nuclear Missile Test

Watch Full Onion News Network Segment Here:
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That’s the problem, and the goal. I think trans are the closest they can get to the gay community at this time and keep the people on board, but it’s going to expand to the entire LGTBQ community in no time. He’s amping them up

Literally. That was the post before this one on my feed. Joe can you be concerned if this is the shit you’re doing?! WHY IS OUR CONGRESS LITERAL FUCKING IMBECILES. And that’s just putting it nicely. Oh and they have no backbone

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States WASHINGTON—Putting the nation on alert against what it has described as a “highly credible terrorist threat,” the FBI announced today that it has uncovered a plot by members of al-Qaeda to sit back an...

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat PALM BEACH, FL—Noticing everyone else’s phone simultaneously buzzing throughout a meeting, Vice President-elect JD Vance began to suspect there was another group chat among Trump’s senior staff that he wasn’t part of, sources confirmed Monday. “It can’t be a coincidence that they all keep looking down at their phones and chuckling at the same time,” […]

JD Vance Begins To Suspect There Another Group Chat
theonion.com/jd-vanc...

Haha! I was just telling my husband about how everyone is already losing their shit on Nextdoor here in Ohio over their electric bills, it’s about to get soooo entertaining 🤣 I hope they can’t afford to drive their stupid trucks. I’ve reached nothing but petty

If it came down to it, I would fight with Canada as an American. I have never once had any inclination to join the military. But I am at that point. I think alot of us would

Chick-Fil-A Raptured ATLANTA—In a harrowing fulfillment of biblical prophecy that left customers screaming as their fast food orders disappeared before their eyes, panicked sources reported Tuesday that every Chick-fil-A store had been raptured.  The massive heavenly event began at 12:02 p.m. EST when a large burst of God’s divine light shot down from the clouds and slowly […]

Chick-Fil-A Raptured
theonion.com/chick-f...

It’ll still prob be cheaper if Canada shuts the power flow off to the Great Lakes and East coast 🥲 but I support them in doing so even though I am on the great lakes

a black background with the words black history month in red yellow and green Alt: a black background with the words black history month in red yellow and green

WELCOME TO BLACK HISTORY MONTH

I had asked on Reddit if I should buy a car now or wait because of the tariffs and someone was like “way to make it political I downvoted you” okay moron. I forgot tariffs don’t touch you if you voted for Trump. 🤣 we’re not getting a car either. Afraid to have that debt right now

This is to break Canada and then economically conquer them. And then look at that, American resources a plenty with tons of new jobs. That immigrants being leased out as slave labor are forced to do

Area Man Forges Ahead In Pursuit Of Numbness With Third Slice Of Pie

Area Man Forges Ahead In Pursuit Of Numbness With Third Slice Of Pie
theonion.com/area-ma...

And the speed at which they’re doing it. They’re hitting people with so much they can’t stay focused on anything

generalstrikeus.com

I was referring more the initial reply I commented to. He basically said federal workers get what they deserve

Okay Tom lol

Ohhhhh harsh, and intense visuals. I’m here for it. 🤣 I blocked that account. The brain rot can never be saved

Def agree, but what if they stay and something else happens? We’ve already passed “normal” behavior and expectations. I just think hate and spite thrown at federal workers is not where it should be targeted