Goops

the more embarrassing your urgent care problem, the hotter the urgent care staff. This is the way of things.

There is a man outside that has been doing some Loud Ass Yardwork since 8 am and I am trying as hard as I can to explode him with my mind - it’s been TWO HOURS of non stop leaf blower noise

pisses me off that working out works. Just sat down and my body is better at SITTING now

I wish Google maps had a setting for “least fuckass route” - was driving the other day and it wanted me to skip a traffic light by taking five unprotected left turns. Would be cool if I just robbed a bank and was trying to evade the cops, but terrible for driving home from a birthday party at 11pm

started Adderall again. realized I maybe should have gotten back on it sooner when I was sitting there a couple hours after taking it and said for real out loud to nobody “it’s a good life.”

is this week “grind metal really loud outside your house” week or something cause my neighbors are all participating

the landscaping guys check in to see how tired I am and if I got less than 6.5 hours of sleep they bring their extra loud weedwhackers and really focus down the spot under my window

I love being outside and hanging out and seeing people who are all passionate about the same thing as me! Life is truly truly about being together!!

find out where they make the turbo weed and you too can be offering space travel to dudes at parties

Took a single hit off a joint brought by the biggest stoner I know and now my soul is untethered from the material plane

If you’re outside at 8:30 am on a Saturday doing LOUD ASS YARDWORK just know you will not see the gates of heaven

The rise of compression socks means that I get to see a lot of guys wearing cunty little kneesocks in the gym - GREAT for me

please forgive my everything but I did impulse buy them

FEEJAYS?! obsessed

Are there footy pajamas that are just the pants? I like the idea of built in socks but getting all the way naked to pee just isn’t the vibe

my genie wishes are:
speak every human language
One trillion dollars
A gnome that will follow me around and shout “NORMAL” or “NOT NORMAL” after every social interaction I have so that I know if I was weird or not

Hey this is the internet and I’m advertising the coolest event in the world to you
Yes it’s a waterpark adults only night with bars scattered around the park
And the best part?
We’ve perfectly scheduled it so it’s on the weekend of your college friends wedding you already said yes to

manager And trainer are out of office today at work I’m unchained

I’m gonna do something weird

you can’t convince me that the antivax movement is about anything other than “needles scary”
Overgrown toddler logic tbh

only got three more days at my job so I only have to hear that awful piano cover of high hopes 20 more times

HRT is unquestionably in the top 5 things that have ever happened to me but the side effect that’s really getting me is it keeps making me get pimples in places I cannot put a pimple patch one (edge of lip, under eyebrow)

*customer service voice* great! I’m gonna need you to go ahead and gargle my balls for me.

Tragedy - eurobeat song had incredible beat but incredibly cringe lyrics

my shoes are making the most stock sound effect ass footsteps I’ve ever heard. I sound like Mr. Stanley Parable

Four Steam Deck compatibility icons with descriptions. - Unsupported: Game runs and plays perfectly on Steam Deck. Probably runs 60fps with supersampling. - Unknown: You need to enable trackpad mouse or gyro joystick, but there's a perfect community control layout that already exists. - Playable: Everything works 100% perfect out of the box, but there's one bit of menu text that's 12pt instead of 14pt so we can't verify this. The system keyboard may pop up but it works flawlessly, which is a problem for some reason. - Verified: Game performs at an average of 32fps on Low settings. Every cutscene is broken without installing ProtonGE. Buttons don't work for some reason.

Got a Steam Deck and confused about which of your games work on it? Wonder what those little icons mean? Here's a handy official guide to help you start with PC gaming on the go!

Don’t give me “well but isn’t having to work important” it IS but my boss is not in agreement with me so I’m literally telling you which story to use

Like lie to me I’m asking you to lie to me we have no way to prove anything just lets you and I get our story straight so I have something to tell my boss

just as a heads up if you’re calling someone about trying to get a fee (like say a no show fee) waived and they start saying things like “oh well, we can’t waive it unless there’s a good reason like if you were SICK” you say oh yes sir I was so sick I couldn’t call in I am so sorry

All these “gamify your habits” apps don’t work for me cause the rewards are all ass - give me a gacha game where you can pull for anime boys by doing my chores and I’ll be the healthiest person alive

I am actually so pissed off
I was frying up delicious over easy eggs for breakfast and I went to turn over my over easy eggs and they EXPLODED. Yolk launched. Landed on counter. I’m spattered in egg whites.
Why did this happen. No egg for me.