𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑯𝒊𝒕𝒄𝒉𝒉𝒊𝒌𝒆𝒓𝒔 𝑮𝒖𝒊𝒅𝒆

YouTube video by The Royale MEET THE CAST: JENNA TAVIA

Okay, I know this is a Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy focused account but I would still like to introduce you to my favorite epileptic drag queen. Who is competing in Colorado Drag Royale

m.youtube.com/watch?v=NN_f...

The house stood on a slight rise just on the edge of the village. It stood on its own and looked over a broad spread of West Country farmland. Not a remarkable house by any means – it was about thirty years old, squattish, squarish, made of brick, and had four windows set in the front of a size and proportion which more or less exactly failed to please the eye. The only person for whom the house was in any way special was Arthur Dent, and that was only because it happened to be the one he lived in. He had lived in it for about three years, ever since he had moved out of London because it made him nervous and irritable. He was about thirty as well, dark haired and never quite at ease with himself. The thing that used to worry him most was the fact that people always used to ask him what he was looking so worried about. He worked in local radio which he always used to tell his friends was a lot more interesting than they probably thought. It was, too – most of his friends worked in advertising.

The story of this terrible, stupid Thursday, the story of its extraordinary consequences, and the story of how these consequences are inextricably intertwined with this remarkable book begins very simply.

It begins with a house.

The Jatravartids, who live in perpetual fear of the time they call the Coming of the Great White Handkerchief, are small blue creatures with more than fifty arms each, who are therefore unique in being the only race in history to have invented the aerosol deodorant before the wheel.

— The Guide

[Ford] What's the point in that? [Arthur] To make them evolve. Imagine a world descended from those cretins over there! [Ford] We don't have to, we've seen it. [Arthur] But honestly! [Ford] We've seen it. There's no escape. [Arthur] Did you tell them what we discovered? [Ford] What? [Arthur] Norway. Slartibartfast's signature on the glacier. [Ford] What'll that mean to them? [Arthur] It means this is the Earth! My home. Where I was born. [Ford] Was? [Arthur] Will be. [Ford] In two million years' time. Tell them that, and see what they say. They'll chase you up a tree! Face it, those zeebs over there are your ancestors. Your Scrabble board won't save your race. The human race is currently standing around a bath making documentaries! [Arthur] Surely we can do something? [Ford] It's all been done. We've seen it. You know the history of the Earth, and its demolition by the Vogons. You can't change anything.

[Ford] Hi, Arthur, what are you doing?

[Arthur] I'm trying to teach them Scrabble. It's uphill work. The only word they know is "Ugh," and they can't spell it.

[Captain] What about this wheel? They say it's a fascinating project.
[Marketing Girl] We're having a little difficulty there.
[Ford] Difficulty? Its the single simplest machine in the entire Universe!
[Marketing Girl] All right, Mr. Wiseguy! You're so clever, you tell us what colour it should be!

Adams was very influenced by Floyd throughout his life. Marvin "hums" the intro for Shine on You Crazy Diamond in the original version of The Hitchhiker's Guide (the radio play) so it is LIKELY that there is a relationship, even if just free association, with the Floyd song.

[Marvin] I suppose some people might expect better treatment after having waited 576,000 million years in a car park. But not me. I may just be a menial robot but I'm far too intelligent to expect anyone to think of me for a moment.

[Zaphod] Hey, Marvin, how would you like to...
[Marvin] ...lay down my life selflessly? Make the ultimate sacrifice? Consign my brain, which is the size of a planet, to death in a blazing sun, so that you can all pursue your futile little lives?
[Zaphod] Yeah, Nothing personal.
[Marvin] All right.

The history of every major Galactic civilization passes through three distinct and recognizable phases

SURVIVAL is characterized by the question: How do we eat?

INQUIRY by the question: What do we eat?

SOPHISTICATION by the question: Where shall we have lunch?

Ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for!
The skies begin to tremble! Nature collapses into the screaming void! In 15 seconds' time, the Universe itself
will be at an end!
See where the light of infinity bursts in upon us!

— Max Quordlepleen

I will always hear Stephen Moore's voice.

[Zaphod] But, Marvin ... [Marvin] I suppose you want me to help you to get into this spaceship [Zaphod] Marvin, will you just listen!? [Marvin] ... and open the door for you. [Zaphod] What? Er ... Yeah. [Marvin] Well, I wish you'd just tell me ... rather than try to engage my enthusiasm because I haven't got one. Abracadiocularservosystems.

[Zaphod] Hey, Marvin! We've got a job for you.
[Marvin] I won't enjoy it.
[Zaphod] Yes, you will. There's a whole new life stretching out in front of you!
[Marvin] Oh, not another one!
[Zaphod] Shut up and listen!
There'll be excitement and adventure and really wild things!
[Marvin] Sounds awful.

YouTube video by Eagles - Topic Journey of the Sorcerer (2013 Remaster)

Still my favorite Eagles song.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZdZ...

@vicparic.bsky.social

I was recruited by the Star League to defend the frontier against Xur and the Ko-dan armada.

Now, where the hell is Grig!?

[Trillian] Poor old Marvin! [Marvin] It's the people you meet in this job who really get you down. The best conversation I had was over 34 million years ago. [Trillian] Oh, dear. [Marvin] And that was with a coffee machine.

The first ten million years were the worst. And the second ten million... they were the worst, too. The third ten million I didn't enjoy at all. After that, I went into a bit of a decline.

—Marvin the Paranoid Android

[Marvin] I can go and stick my head in a bucket of water if you
like. I mean, if that's what you really want. Would you like me to stick my head in a bucket of water?

[Trillian] What's he saying, Zaphod?

[Marvin] I've got one ready.

[Zaphod] Nothing. He just phoned up to wash his head at us.

After this, there is void ... emptiness, oblivion, absolute ... nothing.

I hope you will all enjoy with me what I know you will find a
tremendously exciting and terminal experience. Believe me, ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing penultimate about this one.

This one, ladies and gentlemen, is the proverbial IT!

—Max Quordlepleen

So now, ladies and gentlemen, take your places at the table. The candles are lit, the band is playing, and as the force-shielded dome above us slides apart, revealing a dark and sullen sky hung with the ancient light of livid, swollen stars;

I can see we are in for a fabulous evening's apocalypse!

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe is one of the most extraordinary ventures in the entire history of catering. A vast time bubble has been projected into the far future to the precise moment of the end of the Universe. You can arrive without prior reservation - THIS IS OF COURSE IMPOSSIBLE] because you can book retrospectively in advance, as it were when you return to your own time. [THIS IS OF COURSE IMPOSSIBLE] You can visit it as many times as you lik,e and be sure of never meeting yourself, because of the embarrassment this usually causes. [THIS IS OF COURSE IMPOSSIBLE] You just deposit one penny in a savings account in your own era and when you arrive at the End of Time the operation of compound interest means that the fabulous cost of your meal has been paid for. [THIS IS OF COURSE IMPOSSIBLE]

If you've done 6 impossible things this morning...

Why not round it off with breakfast at Milliways...

The Restaurant at the End of the Universe?

Don't worry, it gets worse.

Same

For Douglas Adams fans.

@hitchhikersguide.bsky.social

[Waiter] If the lady and gentlemen would like to order drinks before dinner ...

[Zaphod] Yeah, great!

[Waiter] ... and the Universe will explode later for your pleasure.

[Ford] Wow! What sort of drinks do you serve in this place?

[Waiter] I think sir has misunderstood me.

[Ford] I hope not!

[Zaphod] Here we are, lying dead ... [Trillian] Standing. [Zaphod] Standing dead in this desolate ... [Trillian] Restaurant. [Zaphod] Standing dead in this desolate ... [Trillian] Five-star restaurant. [Zaphod] Well, yeah. [Ford] Odd, isn't it? [Trillian] Nice decor, though.

[Ford] There's no way we could have survived that blast.
[Trillian] None at all
[Zaphod] I certainly didn't survive, I was a total goner! Wham! Bam! And that was it!
[Ford] Yeah, We were blown to bits, arms and legs everywhere!
[Zaphod] Yeah! Kerpow! Splat!

[Waiter] Would you care to order drinks?

[Cop] It isn't easy being a cop!
[Ford] What did he say?
[Zaphod] It isn't easy being a cop.
[Ford] That's his problem!
Listen, we've enough problems of our own having you there shooting at us! If you'd like to avoid laying your personal problems on us, I think we'd all find it easier to cope!

Everyone is doing blood moon pics, I like my moon pics old school.

"Well, our hosts here have been gassing us, and zapping our minds and being weird and are now giving us this amazingly keen meal to make it up to us.

Have some Vegan rhino cutlet!"

—Zaphod Beeblebrox

The two battle fleets launched a joint attack on our galaxy. For thousands of years, the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space
and dived, toward the planet Earth where, due to a terrible miscalculation of scale, the battle fleet was swallowed by a small dog.

[Arthur] Maybe that means something! That outside the Universe we know, some alien intelligence is ... [Slartibartfast] Maybe. Who cares? Perhaps I'm old, but the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote, the only thing to do is to say, "Hang the sense of it," and keep occupied. Look at me. I design coastlines. I got an award for Norway. Where's the sense in that? None that I can make out. I've been doing fjords all my life. For a fleeting moment, they become fashionable. I get a major award. In this replacement Earth, I've been given Africa to do. I'm doing it with fjords, because I happen to like them. I'm old-fashioned enough to think they give a lovely baroque feel to a continent. They tell me it's not equatorial enough. What does it matter? Science has achieved wonderful things ... but I'd far rather be happy than right any day. [Arthur] And are you? [Slartibartfast] No. That's where it all falls down. [Arthur] Pity. Sounded like rather a good lifestyle otherwise.

[Arthur] All my life I've had this feeling in my bones that something sinister was happening in the Universe and no one would tell me what it was.

[Slartibartfast] That's just perfectly normal paranoia.
Everyone in the Universe has that.

[Arthur] Everyone?

[Slartibartfast] Everyone.