Babe are you ok? You haven’t made a post of your legs on the beach set to summer time sadness by Lana del Rey yet and it’s June 27

“People are going to order drinks on my tab, they’ll say it’s Tom’s tab” this dude says, as if there won’t be 30 other white dudes named Tom in this bar at any moment

So is it like woke now to drive a gas-guzzling ford f-350 now or something?

same shit different cocktail

while we’re banning everything with abandon can someone at least do something about obnoxious car headlights or is that too woke or whatever

#mbta North station subway station has smelled like farts and rotten eggs for over 20 years and no one is talking about it or investigating it. i want answers. this can be my true crime podcast

loving george carlin is such a red flag for white dudes and it’s hard to explain. i love george carlin tho

let me go on the record saying that if i get hit by a bus while ignoring everyone because of said headphones i’d be fine with it, maybe even excited depending on the injury to lawsuit payout ratio

humanity has done some great things like going to the moon and invented so many great things but everything pales in comparison to noise cancelling headphones. the true pinnacle of human achievement

Having to tie your shoes in public is one of the uncoolest things to have to do. way too vulnerable

lol imagine having covid and basically having to be one handed at the same time because you fucked up your wrist LOL couldn’t be me ever

guest: how buttery is the hot buttered rum?
me:

everything is totally normal. what’s up

caracalla was such a fuckboy

mark zuckerberg for comparison

are we done using the word ‘slutty’ to describe food and drink or are people still fucking stupid

Every time I beat myself up this week for hurting my wrist skateboarding and fucking with my job as a bartender I remind myself that people brag about going skiing and then literally die

I DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THE MESSY SONG ANY MORE

remember when morrissey said “it takes guts to be gentle and kind” lololol

failing a captcha really pisses me off in a way I just can’t explain

Hi internet it’s time for my thoughts