JAY'S IN THE HOUSE!!!

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Keep awake
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Honestly i dont rlly feel like myself for the longest time now
Bleh

Nvm, i want shit to burn

Mad mad mad
I wanna be mad and destroy the world
Or be rich and buy all csm manga
Its one or the other

No one:

Brain:

Wisteria - C
Inrin - D
Malaya - C
Hanagata - DD
Corypantha - B

Aaaaaaaaa *scrambles to grab and smush my muses with love and hate, trauma and comfort, and just unravelling their pasts like peeling an onion so that everyone can suffer with me*

Overthinking feels gross aaaaaaa

Insert screaming
Brain going mad
Feeling angry
I need a hug
And someone to tell me that im doing my best
AAAAAAAA

I get you 😔😔😔

Jay I like writing my character's thoughts sm 🥺

But I need to read about my wisty being loved so thoroughly 😞

a bald man in a suit and white shirt is speaking ALT: a bald man in a suit and white shirt is speaking

Give.

Crazy;;; dont forget Wisty tho /j 😞

True;;; it's a little sudden and overwhelming too I bet :<<<

I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH MELANIE KLEIN ANYMORE WHEKGLELFMDIMFKELFM

Manifestinggg

Ever had those breakdowns where you're so close to snapping and then it turns into a tiring silence? Me rn lmao goodnight

Man im about to crack actually
I really really want a hug right now
Like a real one

Behold. It's me bitches-

I bought keycaps yayayayayayayayay

...but i will deny myself cheese ramen 😔

I'm so fucking childish, really. I don't know what I'm saying.

And people will cry for me and honestly, I feel like I'll just cause more trouble that way so it's like I'm gonna keep living but I won't be fucking better.

I'll live just so I don't cause trouble while everyone else is doing so much better.

I should be happy and be feeling lucky yet honestly? I feel like someone else deserves this. Like I'm just wasting my time.

I don't know how to be better or if I'm even doing things right.

If I kill myself soon, all of these blessings won't go to someone new, it'll just be a waste.

I wanna write angst and love stories and shit with my friends .-. Aaaaaaaaa

Man, where did I fucking go? Where did it all go? Is that how life is? I just lose all my passion like that? Fuck me then if that's the case

Anyways rant over
I'm still mad about a lot of things but they arent bsky related

To my friends, if u see this, I love you guys
Thank you for sticking w/ me

But I hate that to be interesting enough to talk to, you need a lewd pic or smth. Bleh.

I don't want to be like that. I want my characters to be more and I want growth and adventures and stories that makes me cry or laugh with the other.

I wanna write horror and love and action and silly shit.

I'm gonna do that now after a bath. I need a restart. Anyone can come and interact with them, I just want that comfort and fun again.

I don't regret opening up the door to my world, I met the most amazing people through that.

Writing is my passion and my escape, and I love it but there were just times where I feel like I opened up the place I put my soul and heart in and it got fucking thrown off and burned.

And it's numbing because it's whatever but it still sucks.

I just really wish I did better for my own work.

I'm not blaming people, it just feels shitty, and now I suddenly hate my own creations and I wish I did better.

I mean, I feel like this is just what I'm good at, you know? I'm not actually smart and I feel like I'm just so damn lucky and tired and things go deeper than that.

[Rant]

Bit by bit, I keep looking at the accounts I practically abandoned and I really want to restart them again.

I feel like I just made them for other people and not for myself but when I did that, it feels like I just opened up a part of me and it got trampled.