layne 🚬

“so a clown came on stage at the end and stabbed gerard and then the rest of the band were taken away by military personnel, then the clown revealed a bomb strapped to his chest and blew up. also some people were executed at gunpoint and a man ran across the stage on fire.. and-“

trying to tell ur coworkers about what happened at the mcr concert without sounding like u went into psychosis is surprisingly difficult

listen i’m mostly joking but gemini season has made me almost completely irresistable to all genders

this did not deter the teenage boys but guess what it hurt my feelings

I was getting hit on relentlessly by two teenage boys at my job yesterday and to deter them one of my coworkers said “hey just so you know they’re ALMOST 30!!!!!”

i’m in the gym taking too much time on each piece of equipment bc im taking personality tests

it was the priscilla after party and it was an adjunct who lived next door! there was also a very scandalous performance art video going around of them at the time

sometimes I just think about the time that one of our professors came to a party in college and just walked around the house in a robe, sipping tea out of a mug

gym is completely packed on a MONDAY at 11:30 AM!!! everyone in here is my enemy

bluesky pls add a drafts feature sometimes I like to keep things for a later date

did I kill the vibe by crying immediately upon seeing the painting of the liberal arts at the art museum today

sorry if this makes me a narc but calling the cops on an orange cybertruck for parking illegally in a handicap spot is a high i’ll be riding for literal days

just passed a woman in full workout gear at the park drinking an ipa on her walk summer is hereeee

what a way with words he has

missing phoebe bridgers somethin awful today

man just asked me to film him doing bent over rows ass to the camera I don’t think I can do this anymore yall

just looked at the price of a sectional at world market and said “my god, that’s a single floor seat for mayhem ball on seatgeek BEFORE fees”

I can’t believe that I went to Katie Gavin’s DJ set/Lucy Dacus after party… and got hit on by a MAN… I need to get gayer looking

came to get really high and go on a hike and there’s an easter egg hunt happening at this park 😭😭😭😭 starting to dislike this crossover holiday

easter sunday 4/20 american ninja warrior playing in the cardio cinema. life suddenly worth living

my job was like yeah we can’t nominate you for employee of the quarter bc of your attendance and I was like wait y’all thought I was going for the best WORKER award???????

ngl posting my stream of consciousness on here doesn’t quite hit the same as like the golden age of twitter but it feels way less embarrassing than sending out actual tweets into the void

the instant ego boost I just got from the state park employee saying “you’re a hiker, aren’t you? I see you here all the time” could fuel me for maybe years

made the guy change the movie on the cardio cinema at my gym bc it was playing a mega-church stream and was like I don’t care what you put on anything else is good. he scrolled through movies for like 5 full min before landing confidently on Talladega Nights

the horrors are literally endless but new djo album and the sun is out and im wearing a cute outfit

lady gaga. lady gaga. lady gaga. lady gaga!!!

and if I said my chemical romance is the best band in the world what then

can we all agree to start being funnier on this app so I feel compelled to use it