Bar Mageddon

this is how you artistically memorialize someone the right way

reporting you to nike

shirt with the nike swoosh but instead of “just do it” it says “never try”

“ope greg’s lying under the bush again”

that’s the beauty of the olympics, something for everybody

most relatable olympic athlete

TV screen showing a skier in a helmet and goggles wearing a bib with the olympic rings and the number 1, mouth open, screaming, his skiing onesie or whatever they’re called has stripes with the colors of norway.

TV screen showing the skier throwing one of his ski poles.

TV screen showing a snow-covered ski hill and a heavily wooded area next to it. a lone figure is walking across the hill

TV screen showing the skier laying on his back in the snow with his hands over his face next to an orange safety net

the last skier to go, who was holding a time advantage, misses a turn and loses his chance not just at gold but at a medal

he screams, flings his poles over the fence, marches away across the mountain, and lays down by himself for what i imagine must be a good cry

i get it man
oof

#olympics

this is not some goofy edit btw this is a real photo finish

a TV screen showing a photo finish between two speed skaters. one skater is extending a skate across the finish line. the other skater is crossing the line backwards, ass first. the front facing skater wins by an inch

it was a scintillating race but in the end the italians conceded they may have done better skating forwards

[flirting] it’s spelled mcgwire

i must grudgingly admit that i enjoyed this ad

did you yell something inappropriate as is required by law

if footage pops up of the president being hurried into a helicopter it’s just an overreaction based on my routine being interrupted

my fed watchers are like wow it’s almost 5 and he hasn’t watched a single olympic yet today red alert

medical thing for relative went well today pls clap

what a family

as soon as i finish ranking every medal event in the winter olympics i’m gonna get right on that

1. me

i would never

it is genuinely shocking that i’ve never spent a few days or weeks compiling a thorough list of my favorite roberts

that is exactly the sort of tedious meaningless nonsense i would waste my time on, how have i not done that

i haven’t logged on yet this doesn’t count

something something nude fartins

it's giving workaholics blake

desperately want to quotepost this with something but i haven't had any of my visions

maybe i've lost my gift

accept this [no images provided]

no i don’t like that

do tgirls want to go by the name penis i feel like they’d prefer jessica or alice

the arctic combined

wow cool man thanks for letting me know

“no problem mr penis”

ski, throw a curling rock, monobob