Corpselocker

When do I get to sign up for a microplastic removal subscription? Instead of like Netflix which gives you shitty content, it takes it away. Can't wait to be indebted to them.

I can ride basically unlimited amounts as long as I keep the right ratio of carbs in me. That is really the hardest part to nail. Nothing worse than being on a century and bonking the last ten miles because you were decided you felt fine and didn't need more sugars.

Holy fuck that is awesome. I need a male cenobite one.

Albuquerque police in the news for taking bribes. I knew they were jacked. When I fought off an attacker who was breaking into my house they took hours to respond. Another time when I called to complain about a naked lady screaming in the streets, the whole force was there in 2 minutes.

The Monkey was excellent. My wife, who doesn't appreciate gore, thought it was a blast. You've got a few directors now that are able to carry the torch for you.

I got the stomach flu on the same day my dad passed. I was grieving and heaving. I wasn't sure if I was more sad about my dad being dead than I was about being alive. Anyway, godspeed to whatever is next, old man.

I sit on them and wait to hatch. I figure it is a numbers game at this point, but eventually I will have a flock.

I just tie mine in a knot around my face. Fuck the haters.

I am using Target now as my "shipper". It may be trading for a lesser evil, but it is not Bezos. M

Omniverts are able to eat both extroverts and introverts. They don't care as long as it is calories.

For those who were complaining about the price of groceries, I have some tarrif(ic) news for you. It is going to get worse, much worse.

I think the left/center needs to invest heavily in ANY media that has range that they can get a hold of. Not to populate it with alarmist stories, but factual information. Othetwise, we are going to lose the ability to distinguish from fact and fiction which many of our citizens has already lost.

If you are mad because your favorite game got shut down in relation to the TikTok ban, recognize the power the Chinese have to hold your hobbies hostage until you allow them control again.

I am trying to follow Michael Pollan's advice of "eat food, not a lot, mostly plants", but those pop-tarts I spied had a different idea.

I am ditching cable news from now on and going to the PBS News Hour. It is dry, boring, but only facts and no crazy pundits screaming death daily.

If you need your news to be entertaining, it is not news. It is propaganda.

Bring solutions, not problems. Instead of crabbing about something at work, go to your boss with a way to fix it. You usually get it fixed in the way that is most beneficial to you and it makes you look valuable.

Why can't we be friends? Salmonella. Salmonella is the answer, my turtle friend.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on a Macy's Day Float singing "Why Can't We Be Friends".

Because salmonella, my friend. Salmonella.

A majority of your resumes suck shit. Find big numbers and dollars in your tasks and write them down. Even a McDonalds job can sound sexy: Assisted in the annual sales/distribution of 3 millions dollars of food to over 80,000 customer; store #1 in (blank).

When you get a task, try to find one tiny, low-effort thing to improve upon it. Stack of papers? Call these people? Log results in a spreadsheet. Return collated or in a folder. People will think you are a "real go-getter" and you will rise above your peers. #advice

It strikes me as odd that many people do not know that you only require 3-5% down on a home rather than 20%. Housing markets vary wildly, but a cute starter 2br 1 bath home in Carlisle PA you just need to save $7,500. #advice

If you can figure out what a person's "pain point" is (e.g. lateness, communication preferences, cleanliness) and avoid or even solve it, you will have a friend/ally for life. #advice

Basements are overdone. Sub-basements are the new basement.

There isn't a pure zombie category? It does kind of fit into other brackets.