t 🌱

i love memes, i just don’t happen to think memes about those emails are funny at all actually!

two years ago today patient first told me i definitely wasn’t pregnant. never forget lmfao

i just really don’t think now is the time for that catchy mindless pop bullshit era??? multiple artists are letting me down big these days, i’mma go listen to hayley williams for the 137 millionth time

we literally don’t even need the files, JESUS CHRIST

“hepatitis b is a sexually transmitted disease… we should give it to them when they’re 12 and fully formed”

do with this information what you will.

i ask people their pronouns as part of my job and something i keep running into is 95% of the people who get angry when i ask their pronouns literally don’t even know what pronouns are. like in terms of gender or just basic ass grammar. they can’t answer until i actually explain what a pronoun is.

i won therapy yesterday. my therapist asked about a symptom i was dealing with last time we met and i was like “oh that was right before we all thought that man was dead for 4 days, the dopamine rush actually healed me, i’m good” and i was genuinely concerned she was going to pee herself laughing

why is that man still alive

i guess taylor swift really did pop off when she said “i don’t want to exist so take me to florida”

i need senator elizabeth warren to legally adopt me

guiliani is really trying to go ahead and organize trump’s first rally in “heaven” but it’s gonna be four seasons (landscaping) all over again

honestly we love a good 2 for 1 special 👀

catching up on news from the week because i am a full-time working mom of a delightful little chaos kid and Y’ALL GOTTA TELL IT TO ME STRAIGHT, IS IT HAPPENING??????

my biggest fear is that when The Thing happens, i will be at work meeting with a client and they will be like “oh shit it happened!” and we will have to reschedule because i will not be able to maintain professionalism or any level of therapeutic neutrality needed to do my job beyond that point

tennessee is the actual state that people think texas is

ok but is taylor swift aware that it’s actually illegal for a straight woman to make a song called “honey”????

oh to be a toddler, unrestrained by societal expectations and free to fart with complete abandon

so amazon just doesn’t allow returns anymore???

nothing hits harder than that part in “bananaphone” when raffi says “i’ll call the white house, have a chat” 😩

similar: any time i’m asked how i’m doing, i’m just gonna play “mirtazapine” by hayley williams

any time i’m asked what my religion is, i’m just gonna play “true believer” by hayley williams because JESUS CHRIST (literally)

imagine losing your job because of your complete lack of boundaries with tiktok, then proceeding to post multiple times a day on tiktok about how hard it is to find a job 🙄

“i love you, it’s ruining my life” - me @ my job

we got my son the birthday bear at build-a-bear and we asked for a cupcake accessory for it and the person reached for the blue one and i was like “HEY BUDDY DO YOU WANT BLUE OR PINK” and he picked pink and that’s how my 1 year old is fighting the patriarchy by having a favorite color i guess

so y’all just weren’t going to tell me that hayley williams released an ode to my soulmate antidepressant???

[literally goes through one of the most traumatic days of my life] anyway, here’s “various storms and saints” by florence and the machine…

oh no i need “old navy’s halloween collection for toddlers” money bad

each day i open the internet and i am shocked at the number of people who believe we are still having a midterm election next year

i don’t need a weather app, i can accurately predict the weather and its severity level by how many ants move into my home roughly 12 hours prior and act like they pay me rent