t 🌱

so amazon just doesn’t allow returns anymore???

nothing hits harder than that part in “bananaphone” when raffi says “i’ll call the white house, have a chat” 😩

similar: any time i’m asked how i’m doing, i’m just gonna play “mirtazapine” by hayley williams

any time i’m asked what my religion is, i’m just gonna play “true believer” by hayley williams because JESUS CHRIST (literally)

imagine losing your job because of your complete lack of boundaries with tiktok, then proceeding to post multiple times a day on tiktok about how hard it is to find a job 🙄

“i love you, it’s ruining my life” - me @ my job

we got my son the birthday bear at build-a-bear and we asked for a cupcake accessory for it and the person reached for the blue one and i was like “HEY BUDDY DO YOU WANT BLUE OR PINK” and he picked pink and that’s how my 1 year old is fighting the patriarchy by having a favorite color i guess

so y’all just weren’t going to tell me that hayley williams released an ode to my soulmate antidepressant???

[literally goes through one of the most traumatic days of my life] anyway, here’s “various storms and saints” by florence and the machine…

oh no i need “old navy’s halloween collection for toddlers” money bad

each day i open the internet and i am shocked at the number of people who believe we are still having a midterm election next year

i don’t need a weather app, i can accurately predict the weather and its severity level by how many ants move into my home roughly 12 hours prior and act like they pay me rent

my toddler is very good at making messes, but today he suddenly unlocked the ability to help clean them up (without even being asked) and one of my grey hairs magically poofed back to brunette!! amazing!

we need to talk about how fmla (the f stands for family) does not allow for time off due to childcare needs. we just need to talk about that.

if you need deinfluencing today, i spent the last couple years tracking things i actually wanted/needed and they either didn’t go on sale or amazon elevated the price and then created a prime day sale price that was just the usual price before

quitting prime was such a good choice tbh

we asked our pediatrician about future vaccines, and she lowered her voice and said they already got in their supply of covid shots for the fall and, in so many words, fuck the cdc 😎

ah yes, why would our neighbors NOT light off those classic 2nd of july fireworks??? this is exactly what we need on a random ass wednesday night for sure!!

sorry not sorry but asking me if i want another child is absolutely a political question at this point and you’re getting a political answer, buckle up

young 👏🏻 kids 👏🏻 don’t 👏🏻 need 👏🏻 nonfat 👏🏻 snacks 👏🏻

stop projecting your bad relationship with food onto actual children

what’s the name we call somebody who gets an attitude with you just doing your job but instead of asking to speak to a manager he asks to speak to “a man” ?? 🤔

if nobody got me, the american academy of pediatrics got me

it’s 2025, why the fuck are people who are actual mental health professionals joking that the weather “is bipolar”?????

what if i told y’all, yes during pride month, that queer women can absolutely date/love/marry men and still be queer? why do we have to keep saying this?

our HR just sent out employee resources for those “affected by recent events” and dear reader this is the first time in my life i have ever gotten an email like this and been like “…which ones?”

it happened to me: i mentioned in a team meeting that i went viral on tumblr for posting a photo of a dog in a walrus costume and one of my coworkers KNEW THE EXACT POST I WAS REFERRING TO 😭😭

how do i get old navy to make a matching adult shirt of this toddler shirt? me and my boy need to be goofing out in these streets

alexa, play “FDT”

piecing together some recipes for my son’s birthday (?!) and found one for strawberry yogurt frosting but somebody was like “can i substitute blueberries? i have a boy”

my brother in christ: 1) imagine gendering berries, and 2) nobody NOBODY tell them that cake will be purple lmfao

lmaoooo