Cloud Native Yoda

steer kubernetes better than han does the millennium falcon, kat will. yahoo!

like the dark side of the force, kubecon is always with us.

a group of stormtroopers are standing next to each other in a room and talking to a man . Alt: lando calrissian walks through the scene, flanked by stormtroopers and led by boba fett. caption "this deal is getting worse all the time"

satya reading about openai spending $38b with aws

"death star plans briefing scene" title: vLLM Team Standup subtitle: Refactoring of the vLLM Semantic Router’s Rust-based classification layer addresses this problem through architectural modularity, Low-Rank Adaptation, and concurrency optimization.

blog.vllm.ai/2025/10/27/s...

darth maul firing up his two-sided lightsaber. first side "anti-trans legislation". second side "mass shootings"

ChatGPT prompt: "What can I help with" Emperor Palpatine: "Use my knowledge, I beg you!"

the jar jar binks of software companies, atlassian is

Star Wars Episode X: Return to the Office

Darth Vader, thumbs up. “You want how many billions of GPU capacity? you got it.”

on vacation i was. summer in dagobah yo.

> kyoob

"that's not a moon..."

Emperor shoots force lightning. Caption “ Give in to the force of the bitnami subscription… it is the only way you will see your beloved containers and helm charts again”

actually, replace you ai agents will. but if it helps you feel better, think of them as just tools to help you do your job. same the outcome, but happier you will be for a few months.

so much dark side. thank the force for cloud native yoda.

top panel: screenshot of an article titled "Kubernetes 1.33 release adds native support for container sidecars". Luke says "I don't believe it" bottom panel: Yoda says "That is why you fail"

native sidecars: proof of the force (of community)

a picture of Yoda waving a US flag, warming a hot dog on a stick, over a campfire

And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Prometheus and Grafana, we mutually pledge to each other our logs, our metrics, and our sacred uptime.

Deploy or deploy not, there is no try.

MAY THE FOURTH (OF JULY) BE WITH YOU!

That these services are, and of right ought to be, free and loosely coupled; that they are absolved from all allegiance to monolithic and proprietary solutions; and that all connection between them and legacy systems is and ought to be totally dissolved.

We, therefore, the representatives of the united microservices of Cloud Native, in General Assembly, appealing to the SREs of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by authority of the good people of this ecosystem, solemnly publish and declare:

* It has dissolved network connections repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness the http requests of the people.
* For cutting-edge features, it has declared feature flags, and toggled them without warning.

* It has forbidden Nodes to upgrade, unless suspended in their operation by a Cordon and appropriate Taint applied.
* It has erected a multitude of YAML files, & sent hither swarms of Helm charts to harass our junior Engineers.
* It has kept among us, in times of peace, sidecars without our consent.

The history of the present Kubernetes is a history of repeated injuries & usurpations.

Let Facts be submitted to a candid world:
* It has refused to autoscale, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

But when a long train of outages, memory leaks, and license audits, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute vendor lock-in, it is their duty to throw off such tooling, and to provide new guards for their future deployments.

Prudence indeed will dictate that legacy systems long established should not be changed for light & transient causes; accordingly all experience hath shewn that engineers are more disposed to suffer, while bugs are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing code to which they are accustomed.

That whenever any Form of Infrastructure becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Developers to refactor or replace it, laying its foundation on such principles & organizing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to ensure continuous delivery & high availability.

An illustrated poster styled like a historical parchment scroll, titled 'Declaration of Cloud Native Independence'. The design features whimsical cloud-native elements: Kubernetes pods wearing tricorn hats, containers marching in formation, a Prometheus figure holding a flaming torch of observability, and a wise Yoda-like character in a DevOps hoodie saying 'Deploy or deploy not. There is no try.' The text includes stylized excerpts like 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all containers are created stateless...' in elegant calligraphy. Background includes cloud infrastructure motifs, CI/CD pipelines as winding roads, and Helm charts as ancient maps.

Declaration of Cloud Native Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all containers are created stateless, that they are endowed by their orchestrators with certain unalienable rights, that among these are scalability, observability, and the pursuit of zero downtime.

Palpatine to Amidala: "Now they will elect a new Chancellor, a strong Chancellor, one who will not let our tragedy continue."

congratulations to senator @jbryce.bsky.social on his appointment as supreme chancellor of the cloud native federation, following its takeover of the old republic