Cloud Native Yoda

"that's not a moon..."

Emperor shoots force lightning. Caption “ Give in to the force of the bitnami subscription… it is the only way you will see your beloved containers and helm charts again”

actually, replace you ai agents will. but if it helps you feel better, think of them as just tools to help you do your job. same the outcome, but happier you will be for a few months.

so much dark side. thank the force for cloud native yoda.

top panel: screenshot of an article titled "Kubernetes 1.33 release adds native support for container sidecars". Luke says "I don't believe it" bottom panel: Yoda says "That is why you fail"

native sidecars: proof of the force (of community)

a picture of Yoda waving a US flag, warming a hot dog on a stick, over a campfire

And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on the protection of Prometheus and Grafana, we mutually pledge to each other our logs, our metrics, and our sacred uptime.

Deploy or deploy not, there is no try.

MAY THE FOURTH (OF JULY) BE WITH YOU!

That these services are, and of right ought to be, free and loosely coupled; that they are absolved from all allegiance to monolithic and proprietary solutions; and that all connection between them and legacy systems is and ought to be totally dissolved.

We, therefore, the representatives of the united microservices of Cloud Native, in General Assembly, appealing to the SREs of the world for the rectitude of our intentions, do, in the name and by authority of the good people of this ecosystem, solemnly publish and declare:

* It has dissolved network connections repeatedly, for opposing with manly firmness the http requests of the people.
* For cutting-edge features, it has declared feature flags, and toggled them without warning.

* It has forbidden Nodes to upgrade, unless suspended in their operation by a Cordon and appropriate Taint applied.
* It has erected a multitude of YAML files, & sent hither swarms of Helm charts to harass our junior Engineers.
* It has kept among us, in times of peace, sidecars without our consent.

The history of the present Kubernetes is a history of repeated injuries & usurpations.

Let Facts be submitted to a candid world:
* It has refused to autoscale, the most wholesome and necessary for the public good.

But when a long train of outages, memory leaks, and license audits, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute vendor lock-in, it is their duty to throw off such tooling, and to provide new guards for their future deployments.

Prudence indeed will dictate that legacy systems long established should not be changed for light & transient causes; accordingly all experience hath shewn that engineers are more disposed to suffer, while bugs are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing code to which they are accustomed.

That whenever any Form of Infrastructure becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the Developers to refactor or replace it, laying its foundation on such principles & organizing its powers in such form as to them shall seem most likely to ensure continuous delivery & high availability.

An illustrated poster styled like a historical parchment scroll, titled 'Declaration of Cloud Native Independence'. The design features whimsical cloud-native elements: Kubernetes pods wearing tricorn hats, containers marching in formation, a Prometheus figure holding a flaming torch of observability, and a wise Yoda-like character in a DevOps hoodie saying 'Deploy or deploy not. There is no try.' The text includes stylized excerpts like 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all containers are created stateless...' in elegant calligraphy. Background includes cloud infrastructure motifs, CI/CD pipelines as winding roads, and Helm charts as ancient maps.

Declaration of Cloud Native Independence

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all containers are created stateless, that they are endowed by their orchestrators with certain unalienable rights, that among these are scalability, observability, and the pursuit of zero downtime.

Palpatine to Amidala: "Now they will elect a new Chancellor, a strong Chancellor, one who will not let our tragedy continue."

congratulations to senator @jbryce.bsky.social on his appointment as supreme chancellor of the cloud native federation, following its takeover of the old republic

Picture: Obi-wan explaining the Force to Luke Title: Luke hears about Kubernetes for the first time from old Ben "obi-wan" McLuckie Caption: Kubernetes is what gives your applications their power. It surrounds them, penetrates them, and holds the galaxy of microservices together.

hold the galaxy of microservices together, kubernetes does

top frame: "finance says your 'open source' team isn't generating any revenue" bottom frame: anakin with outstretched lightsaber, about to attack the younglings

dark but real

Vader to Boba Fett: “I am altering the yaml. Pray I don’t alter it any further.”

yodaops tip: alter the working yaml you should not

gustan me

Yoda lightsaber duel with count Dooku

some of y'all can't handle 2 high agency males going at it and it really shows

yoda at keyboard, coding. caption "when you stop vibe coding and start vibe meming"

like him i do, he tells it how it is

i feel a vote of no confidence in our leader would solve all our problems

yes yes yes hmm

a black and white photo of a dark tunnel with a pink devil 's horns in the foreground . Alt: Famous “death star trench run” scene where luke skywalker sends torpedoes down the death star exhaust ports, causing a chain reaction that destroys the entire space station

exhaust ports on the death star

best kubecon ever, london was. thank you everyone who came to see my talk.

that too busy on the sidero booth you were to talk to me