Ben A.

Watched three stand up specials this week. Patton Oswalt is 3rd place. Great as an album, slow to build, anecdotes aren't jokes. Sebastian Manesalco is 2nd place, tough to do an arena special, but he pulls it off. Eddie Pepitone - The Collapse. Genius. As a set, as a film, as a thing. It's for me.

My third and final post of the night: what's the deal with bread ties? We can seal cheese, peanut butter, jelly, bags of sliced turkey, mustard, mayonnaise, and pickles, but leave the most important ingredient in this nasty sandwich to mold! Oh, your cat stole your bread tie? Enjoy your moldwitch!

Rian Johnson just optioned this exchange, but he requires a macguffin.

Realizing I'm on the "discover" tab: "oh yeah I hate this too."

This is the funniest thing I've ever seen actually happen on the internet.

I hear the Epstein Ballroom will be illuminated solely by gaslighting.

Let's talk about Frisky Dingo and how Killface is actually demolishing the White House.

The year: 2025. Air Bud rules apply. There is no rule saying the president can't destroy the white house. so he does. the literal end.

glad that fixed everything, good job everyone

What were the odds?

Blississippi State Kushtopians

God's Perspective - Bo Burnham

This is chemical warfare.

What if you could read peoples minds. (Internet exists). Oh, they're all dumb. I'm dumb, but they're all dumb.

Walter Cronkite: (laughing) check out this shit

This is the state of Journalism. All of it. Including Maddow. Cooked.

Guys, I think Taylor Swift might be a genius?

@govpritzker.illinois.gov

37 and Kedzie, East Garfield, Illinois.

This is assault.

wood you love it/knock on wood/cocky hard as a rock/stiff dick sticking out in the morning

so poetic

The nose. Why is it bone.

Call me Ishmael.

"ISBN" "Sir, stop moving your mouth. It'll be blurry."

I could easily see myself voting for someone who runs on abolishing ice and prosecuting every single one of them and the entire administration

free campaign idea to good home

the plane girl: that motherfucker is not real.

Also, that's just a Rachel Weisz robit, maybe some Emma Watson mixed in.

He's going to love THE STUDIO.

Tilly Norwood raises the question of who the fuck is even talking about this in the first place, you fucking assholes. Stop making this a story and it'll go away. No one is threatened by these computers. Stop pretending we are. Fuck the computers. Long live the actors.

I was your father figure
We drank that brown liquor
You made a deal with this devil
Turns out my dicks bigger
You wanna fight you found it
I've got the place surrounded
You'll be sleeping with the fishes
Before you know you're drowning

Did the new Taylor album leak? Yes, it did. Am I a fan? No, I am not. Am I listening to it? Yes, I am. Is it good? So far, yes, it is. Do I have tickets to see the music video in theaters on Sunday? Yes, I do.

I wasn't invited, but I'd do a crisp ten on how "Riyadh" is a strange word that looks like Bill Burr spelled phonetically.