240V Outlet

Second. Much much kinder.

Arriving at con, meeting and catching up and learning about ppl. Finding out there's a con theme that ppl starter singing and bad no idea what's happening.

A lot of bravery of steeling one self before heading out after preparing for so long.

Intro acting like an extro.

Longing

What am I really looking for?

You

Why am I so broken?

What have I done wrong in the past to get to here?

How can I fix myself?

... Stop it, lack of sleep really drives you up the wall. Sleep.

Stranded feeling strong.

This is all a mistake. Trip is scary. Alone.

Done trips before. Why scary?

Big trip, big potential failures, no one near to protect.

Trip will see friends, should be happy. Why fear?

...

Go to sleep.

Nightmare

Abandonment, fear. Got attacked and woke up. 2.5hr of sleep. 3 hours more sleep to go.

Long draw of dream then it got increasingly scared and scared and then got jumped once it got dark and then we woke up and then cried.

Water, dizzy, sleep again. Keep on moving on.

Don't think it's a good sign if you feel like collapsing and yet, you gotta keep pushing on.

Too many stresses are stacking up and I hope this flight won't be the end of me.

I'm losing track of what's happening sometimes, been dissociating too much lately. Most of it, I found, has been something else looking for relief where there is instead abuse.

Why why why does this keep happening...

I want to rely on people but I don't want to keep letting people down.

I'm just a shattered piece of creatures trying to do things and again, more pieces have been created and I'm now left to pick up the mess.

I'm not a burden on people who care for me and yet, it feels increasingly fragile.

Having emotional high and doing well for the past 4 days only to realise that it was practically all a lie and you're just being led on by parts of yourself doesn't feel great.

Just when I thought I was improving I was getting worse. Way way worse.

Why do I keep doing this to myself?

⚠️ system_malfunction

Awawaww…
I love my partners so much, trying but I do still have a lot more to do.

No one can tell me how much I love my partners.

Sleepy

Repression

More prescription changes, upping my E and trying my T is slowly doing things to me this past week.

Lots of big relevation from Az in my head yesterday, so much thing done and now sleep. Trying to sleep
Zzzz

There's no reassuring thing that you're likely fucked up in the head and trying to fix that can be easy?

Or is it hard?

What type of fucked up am I?

Veil (Snake) on the left has been accidentally hypnotized by Castaigne (somewhat goo canine masked thing?) on the right. Cass is asking Veil if he's feeling OK.

Happens on accident sometimes..

#furryart

Need to be less scared to let others front still, but also the energy to.

Sometimes, it works but other times idk.

Want to let k e a front some more, same with N a u w e.

Distracting myself by doing things seems to be working, tho I was doing things early in the week and that didn't work.

So outside of having her blocked again, whew, that might be mostly why. Still grumbling at the sneaky unblock earlier in the week.

I should talk to the internal her some day

One thing to note, there’s been less memory holes… but sometimes focus would just disappear then it’s back again in an instant. Accompanying head jitters.

It’s probably nothing but I wanna mention it at least.

Idk how much airing my laundry (ala brain) in public might help, but I’m also doing this so more of my friends can see without having to repeat it too May times…

Sorry frens

Thanks for reaching out to those that do, especially when brain is mean… I’m also tired, I should go to bed.

Long day ahead

Not to say that I have completely stopped hearing her voice, still there occasionally.

It would also seem like she pushes her way thru to front for a bit, I don’t usually notice which is worrying but also found ways to be safe. So here’s hoping it stays fine.

Things have improved the past few days, the “whispers” from her haven’t been as bad.

Outside one night where it got memory holes two nights ago, it seems to have improved.

It has enacted… tactics to help relief it and other actions.

Here’s hoping she won’t cause me problems during the trip.

𝘐𝘵𝘢𝘪 𝘺𝘰 𝘪𝘵𝘢𝘪 𝘺𝘰, 𝘬𝘰𝘵𝘰𝘣𝘢 𝘥𝘦 𝘰𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘦𝘵𝘦 𝘺𝘰

/ / /
#furryart #furry #digitalart #art #artsky #illustration #anthro #wolf

an anthro cougar standing unsteadily, her arms and legs are bound. She is looking at the viewer with tears in her eyes and a toothy grimace. Her breasts are bruised, her calves have marks of a caning and she is wearing panties. Her tail flicks. The text reads "WHEN MY SHIT GETS OLD PROMISE YOU'LL LEAVE..." (Promise you'll leave repeats until it trails off the screen in a diagonal pattern) The speedpainting is in tones of warm sepias with a bit of blue.

an anthro cougar standing unsteadily, her arms and legs are bound. She is looking at the viewer with tears in her eyes and a toothy grimace. Her breasts are bruised, her calves have marks of a caning and she is wearing panties. Her tail flicks. The text reads "WHEN MY SHIT GETS OLD PROMISE YOU'LL LEAVE..." (Promise you'll leave repeats until it trails off the screen in a diagonal pattern) The picture is in greyscale.

[She/Her](Vent, Bondage)
HONEY, PROMISE YOU'LL LEAVE.

Brain has certainly been too spoilt in the past, now that parts of it isn't getting what it. It seems to be throwing a tantrum.

There is definitely a "don't fuck around" with this situation at hand.

Cognitive dissonance also sucks tho, it's been hell to live thru. Feels like it takes out my brain

I hope for some relief this weekend or at least tomorrow...

When I can finally see some friends again on v r c, been so stressed that I've not had time to even hop on Resonite too much @.@;;;

Been just so moody and mopey, could also be that E-levels were increased and T-levels have been surpressed

Brain has been so distracted and fuzzy and losing track of time and things that I am working on.

Last night was pretty bad with how much of the night was missing, idk what happened.

Sleepy, sleeping 20 hours awake

Brain foggy most of today from partner headed off to bed. Been lots of memory holes tonight, it’s so weird.

Should have slept earlier

Urrgghh, why is she still whispering things to me. Grrrrrr

Am I the one who made it out, is that why I am so saught after, why I keep having to whack all these accounts reaching out of the woodwork?

Am I that desirable because of who my partner is?

I feel so isolated and yet reaching out is difficult, had energy to reach out to a couple

I just, wan poof