A Jordan Lambert

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I am! Thank you!

One of them I know I just made as a silly. It’s a harengon bard named Todd Bonzalez, because of this meme.

I completely forgot about bluesky for a while. I had some big life drama. Left my job. And now I’m back.

You’re not wrong.

Trying to clean up my DND Beyond because I have waaaaay too many characters in there, but some of these are beasts and I can’t remember where/when I played them??? Did I make them just for fun??

I hope all of my autistic homies get back every single cent of tax money they’ve ever given the government.

Some of y’all need to be bonked on the head with a tiny little cast iron skillet!!

I’ve thought April Fools was dumb ever since Bart Simpson shook up that beer can in the paint shaker and exploded the house.

And this year?? Every damn day has been a joke and we’re all fools.

Letting my meat rest before I cut it, because the Food Network told me to.

Me: Being a steak is so hard little buddy. Take a break while I plate everything else. Do a little cutting board rotting, because dinner is served. You’ve earned it.

Stoned and thinking about that tweet that said, “ the lead singer of modest mouse sings like someone is chasing him with a garden hose”.

I got to my car after work and it was…hot on the inside…like the sun had been shining on it??? Like spring has sprung????

I have a new ritual called the “afternoon feel bad”, where I forget that on my current meds I will get nauseous if I don’t eat in a timely manner, so I don’t eat and then I feel bad and then I eat something and immediately feel fine.

Nothing ruins my mood faster than finding out my Instacart shopper is a man.

Idk how Sleep Token managed to create a 72 hour song, but damn Emergence is good.

Today was my first day without back pain in WEEKS. WE OUTCHERE!!

I don’t recall asking you.

Why yes, I do listen to a lot of Nirvana. Why do you ask?

The urge to braid my hair now instead of waiting for NEO is so strong.

Tens machine is life.

Today’s workout bright to you by Lady Gaga’s Mayhem.

I heard too many noises at once and now I want to cry. A novel, by me.

Not a single one.

I say this as someone who has loved all of her albums deeply - Mayhem is her best album since Born This Way.

I didn’t ask for this read, but here we are. If the club smells like solanpas, it’s not me.

About two weeks ago, I was getting out of the shower and my back seized up really bad and I could barely walk. I’m getting better and they’re loosening up, but I really need to stop popping and locking in my car to Abracadabra by Lady Gaga if I want to be back at 100% soon.

LAX is the fucking ghetto.

If not stress, then why stress shaped?

Gonna start a band called Sugar Pill Gang, and it’s all hip hop covers of Placebo songs.