Parp Culture

MICROSOFT REMEMBERS IT HAS A GAMES CONSOLE Phil Spencer had a rather embarrassing moment earlier today whilst giving a press interview to gaming conglomerate IGN. Phil was there to talk about the seventeen new companies they'd just acquired, but as the interview commenced, he noticed a strange-looking device in the corner of the office and interrupted the chat to enquire about it. "Is that a new prototype Playstation?" Quizzed Phil.

MICROSOFT REMEMBERS IT HAS A GAMES CONSOLE

Phil Spencer had a rather embarrassing moment earlier today whilst giving a press interview to gaming conglomerate IGN. Phil was there to talk about the seventeen new companies they'd just acquired, but as the interview commenced, he noticed a…

RUPERT MURDOCK PATENTS NEW DELIVERY SYSTEM FOR HATE Speaking at the Annual Inventers Guild of Inventions, Rupert, carried on stage by two of his handlers and hooked up to the microphone with golden electrodes, proceeded to tell the packed venue of his plans. "I first started to research ways to deliver bile and anger wirelessly, but mobile phones came along and achieved this dream," Uttered Rupert, whilst baby food was pumped into his mouth via a pipe coming from the canister on his back.

RUPERT MURDOCK PATENTS NEW DELIVERY SYSTEM FOR HATE

Speaking at the Annual Inventers Guild of Inventions, Rupert, carried on stage by two of his handlers and hooked up to the microphone with golden electrodes, proceeded to tell the packed venue of his plans. "I first started to research ways to…

NINTENDO FAN(S) SELL NEW BABY TO AFFORD RERELEASE OF TWENTY YEAR OLD GAME It's no secret that times are tough, which is why James & Maggie Robertson have decided to auction off their new child, temporarily called 'Yoshi' in order to buy the forthcoming rerelease of an emulated port of a rehashed game that originally came out two decades ago. "I love this game," said James. "I got it when it first came out, then I bought the other version that released a few years later, before picking up another copy when it became part of a limited package.

NINTENDO FAN(S) SELL NEW BABY TO AFFORD RERELEASE OF TWENTY YEAR OLD GAME

It's no secret that times are tough, which is why James & Maggie Robertson have decided to auction off their new child, temporarily called 'Yoshi' in order to buy the forthcoming rerelease of an emulated port of a rehashed…

AMERICA DEVELOPS NEW GUN THAT FIRES FASTER BULLETS TO NEUTRALISE PEOPLE WHO DO BAD THINGS WITH REGULAR GUNS MUCH QUICKER President Trump told eager reporters of the ambitious plans earlier today. "Bad people are doing bad things....very bad things. Very bad. Things. With guns." Said the President. It's understood the new weapons will be manufactured in China.

AMERICA DEVELOPS NEW GUN THAT FIRES FASTER BULLETS TO NEUTRALISE PEOPLE WHO DO BAD THINGS WITH REGULAR GUNS MUCH QUICKER

President Trump told eager reporters of the ambitious plans earlier today. "Bad people are doing bad things....very bad things. Very bad. Things. With guns." Said the President.…

POP STAR WHOSE NAME SOUNDS A BIT WEIRD ANGERS ENTIRE GENERATION OF PEOPLE THAT HADN’T HEARD OF THEM UNTIL NOW Rising star, b!Mpti *VX9C, who recently smashed records by amassing a whopping 62 billion streams in one hour on Spotify, has become a hate-figure after the Daily Mail newspaper featured them in a recent article. "I can't even pronounce their name and their parents should be ashamed, if they even have any." - Maureen, 68, Nottingham The musician has become an advocate for inclusion and was recently seen attending a peaceful rally, protesting against all forms of hate.

POP STAR WHOSE NAME SOUNDS A BIT WEIRD ANGERS ENTIRE GENERATION OF PEOPLE THAT HADN’T HEARD OF THEM UNTIL NOW

Rising star, b!Mpti *VX9C, who recently smashed records by amassing a whopping 62 billion streams in one hour on Spotify, has become a hate-figure after the Daily Mail newspaper featured…

SONIC FANS REALISE THEY’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM That's it. That's the story.

SONIC FANS REALISE THEY’RE PART OF THE PROBLEM

That's it. That's the story.

MIDDLE-AGED BUSINESS MEN CREATE NEW BUZZ-WORDS A recent study has found evidence of a growing new trend within the business sector, that sees mainly (but not limited to) upper middle-management men creating their own buzz-words and terminology. The practice was initially developed to freshen up stale LinkedIn profiles, but is fast becoming a confusing headache for employees. Sandra, from Spalding Paper Clips PLC, told us that every Friday afternoon, like clockwork, a group of men 'of a certain age' meet up in the conference room to brainstorm new terminology.

MIDDLE-AGED BUSINESS MEN CREATE NEW BUZZ-WORDS

A recent study has found evidence of a growing new trend within the business sector, that sees mainly (but not limited to) upper middle-management men creating their own buzz-words and terminology. The practice was initially developed to freshen up…

TRUMP REPLACES TESLA WITH CAR THAT RUNS ON HUMAN MISERY Following Trump’s recent falling out with Elon Musk, it has been revealed that the President has abandoned the Tesla that was gifted to him. Donald has chosen a custom-built car, powered by t…

parpculture.com/2025/06/09/t...

TRUMP REPLACES TESLA WITH CAR THAT RUNS ON HUMAN MISERY Following Trump's recent falling out with Elon Musk, it has been revealed that the President has abandoned the Tesla that was gifted to him. Donald has chosen a custom-built car, powered by the tears of the people whose lives he's ruined. It's an unconventional power-source, say experts, but they say they have enough fuel stockpiled to last for many years.

TRUMP REPLACES TESLA WITH CAR THAT RUNS ON HUMAN MISERY

Following Trump's recent falling out with Elon Musk, it has been revealed that the President has abandoned the Tesla that was gifted to him. Donald has chosen a custom-built car, powered by the tears of the people whose lives he's ruined.…

UBISOFT MAKES ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR ONGOING LAWSUITS Sales of the fourteenth installment of the Assassin’s Creed saga have surpassed all expectations, leaving more than enough in the bank to fight the legal battles currently facing the corporat…

parpculture.com/2025/03/27/u...

FACEBOOK FOR PETS After stealing your children's innocence and radicalising your parents, Mark Zuckerberg now has his sights firmly set on your beloved pets. PetBook is due to launch later this year, with pet food advertisers and the six companies that own all of the veterinary practices eager to promote the new service. We asked Mark how he intends to get pets to sign up to the platform.

FACEBOOK FOR PETS

After stealing your children's innocence and radicalising your parents, Mark Zuckerberg now has his sights firmly set on your beloved pets. PetBook is due to launch later this year, with pet food advertisers and the six companies that own all of the veterinary practices eager to…

SUPREME COURT RULING ON THE DEFINITION OF A WOMAN COMES TO A CLOSE A handful of protesters that managed to convince a court full of men that they speak for the entire population were seen celebrating outside court today. "If you're really shouty and bullish, everyone will listen to you and you can brute-force anything into law," said Mandy Collins. "I'm really bitter that I can't compete in professional sport any more, so I'm hopeful that this ruling will ensure generations of younger people will never have the chances that I had," Said a former sports personality, who never managed to win a gold medal in the Olympics.

SUPREME COURT RULING ON THE DEFINITION OF A WOMAN COMES TO A CLOSE

A handful of protesters that managed to convince a court full of men that they speak for the entire population were seen celebrating outside court today. "If you're really shouty and bullish, everyone will listen to you and you can…

USA MAKES COMPELLING OFFER TO UK JD Vance, the USA's official Snake Oil salesman, offered up another hollow soundbite in relation to the ongoing tariff war, by saying there was a "good chance" a trade deal could be reached. Kier Starmer, the democratically elected leader of the free people of the United Kingdom of England's Great Britain, was eager to broker a deal. "We'll immediately accept anything they offer.

USA MAKES COMPELLING OFFER TO UK

JD Vance, the USA's official Snake Oil salesman, offered up another hollow soundbite in relation to the ongoing tariff war, by saying there was a "good chance" a trade deal could be reached. Kier Starmer, the democratically elected leader of the free people of the…

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NINTENDO TO CHARGE EXTRA FOR SWITCH 2 PACKAGING Nintendo has announced that the price for the forthcoming Switch 2 console didn't include the cardboard box. "The lovely box that we designed for the new Nintendo switch 2 will have a suggested RRP of $20," said Doug Bowser, Nintendo president. This translates to a £20 increase for all UK customers, because big corporations don't bother with currency conversions any more.

NINTENDO TO CHARGE EXTRA FOR SWITCH 2 PACKAGING

Nintendo has announced that the price for the forthcoming Switch 2 console didn't include the cardboard box. "The lovely box that we designed for the new Nintendo switch 2 will have a suggested RRP of $20," said Doug Bowser, Nintendo president. This…

SLUGS RECLASSIFIED AS ‘HOBO SNAILS’ BY TOP SCIENTIST Clive Jones (Head of Science at the University of Science) has re-written the gastropod rule book, classifying all slugs as 'Hobo Snails' and reducing their existence to a mere footnote in history. Rival scientists have been quick to criticise, with one labelling the move as 'preposterous and offensive'. "It's Preposterous and offensive," said Ruth Evans (Head of Biology at the University of Biology).

SLUGS RECLASSIFIED AS ‘HOBO SNAILS’ BY TOP SCIENTIST

Clive Jones (Head of Science at the University of Science) has re-written the gastropod rule book, classifying all slugs as 'Hobo Snails' and reducing their existence to a mere footnote in history. Rival scientists have been quick to criticise,…

UK TO CUT DISABILITY BENEFITS TO PAY FOR USA TARIFFS The UK is set to choose the easiest option in a bid to offset the tariff deficit incorporated by President Trump. “Disabled people don’t contribute anything to society. It’s completely unfair on th…

#trump #tariffs #trade #business #governmemt

TYRANTS PLEAD FOR SYMPATHY The newly-formed WhatsApp group, which comprises many high-profile members, have come together to form a coalition, in an attempt to seek compassion from society. Many of the members, now frail, claim they've never been treated so cruelly, and argue that because their problematic behaviour happened a long time ago, are being treated unfairly. "I'm receiving death threats and hate from people I haven't even abused," said Harvey Weinstein.

TYRANTS PLEAD FOR SYMPATHY

The newly-formed WhatsApp group, which comprises many high-profile members, have come together to form a coalition, in an attempt to seek compassion from society. Many of the members, now frail, claim they've never been treated so cruelly, and argue that because their…

SONY REMAKES GAME CURRENTLY STILL IN DEVELOPMENT In keeping with the market-leader's winning strategy, Playstation Studio's Hermen Hulst announced that a remake of an unreleased game is set to be given a makeover and unleashed at some point in the distant future. Sony have stream-lined the development process and now plans to publish all future remakes before their original versions ever get released. The mystery game, a sequel to a reworking of a reboot, wasn't disclosed, but industry insiders have speculated that it could be 'big' and 'exciting' and will likely 'shock' players.

SONY REMAKES GAME CURRENTLY STILL IN DEVELOPMENT

In keeping with the market-leader's winning strategy, Playstation Studio's Hermen Hulst announced that a remake of an unreleased game is set to be given a makeover and unleashed at some point in the distant future. Sony have stream-lined the…

WOMAN APPLIES FOR NEW CREDIT CARD TO BUY EXTRA MONTH OF SURVIVAL Tracey Collins, 37, had the idea after being unable to afford rent, food and utility bills, despite being frugal with expenditure and working full-time. "I tried working harder, but it didn't matter how much effort I put in or how much extra I did. My wages never changed," said Tracey. Tracey wishes she could spend more time with her daughter, but having to work all week for a company that doesn't even know she exists isn't without its advantages.

WOMAN APPLIES FOR NEW CREDIT CARD TO BUY EXTRA MONTH OF SURVIVAL

Tracey Collins, 37, had the idea after being unable to afford rent, food and utility bills, despite being frugal with expenditure and working full-time. "I tried working harder, but it didn't matter how much effort I put in or how…

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UBISOFT MAKES ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR ONGOING LAWSUITS Sales of the fourteenth installment of the Assassin's Creed saga have surpassed all expectations, leaving more than enough in the bank to fight the legal battles currently facing the corporation, announced Yves Seagull. "We had been planning on shuttering three or four divisions this year, said Yves, "but we'll probably only close one or two now, just to keep everyone on their toes."

UBISOFT MAKES ENOUGH MONEY TO PAY FOR ONGOING LAWSUITS

Sales of the fourteenth installment of the Assassin's Creed saga have surpassed all expectations, leaving more than enough in the bank to fight the legal battles currently facing the corporation, announced Yves Seagull. "We had been planning…

“LOBSTERS ARE JUST LONG CRABS,” CLAIMS TOP SCIENTIST The bold statement, confidently delivered by Clive Jones (University of Science) came towards the end of his annual speech on genetics at the prestigious festival of science, catching attendees off-guard. Audible gasps could be heard, prompting a confrontation from Jane Craddock, a trainee scientist. "Crabs are decapod crustaceans of the infraorder Brachyura whereas Lobsters are malacostracans decapod crustaceans of the family Nephropidae or its synonym Homaridae," Said Jane.

“LOBSTERS ARE JUST LONG CRABS,” CLAIMS TOP SCIENTIST

The bold statement, confidently delivered by Clive Jones (University of Science) came towards the end of his annual speech on genetics at the prestigious festival of science, catching attendees off-guard. Audible gasps could be heard, prompting…

BERNARD MATTHEWS APPOINTED MAYOR OF ISTANBUL In a bid to ease tensions throughout the country, the Turkish government have appointed the self-proclaimed ‘Lord of the turkey’ as the ruling Mayor of Turkey. “This is BOOTIFUL&#…

BERNARD MATTHEWS APPOINTED MAYOR OF ISTANBUL parpculture.wordpress.com/2025/03/26/b...

BERNARD MATTHEWS APPOINTED MAYOR OF ISTANBUL In a bid to ease tensions throughout the country, the Turkish government have appointed the self-proclaimed 'Lord of the turkey' as the ruling Mayor of Turkey. "This is BOOTIFUL" said a government spokesperson. Critics were quick to point out that the Norfolk-born Mr Matthews died fifteen years ago and condemned the news as a distraction tactic. "They can get stuffed," said Yusuf, whilst grasping at some more low-hanging fruit.

BERNARD MATTHEWS APPOINTED MAYOR OF ISTANBUL

In a bid to ease tensions throughout the country, the Turkish government have appointed the self-proclaimed 'Lord of the turkey' as the ruling Mayor of Turkey. "This is BOOTIFUL" said a government spokesperson. Critics were quick to point out that the…

DEPRESSED MAN DISCOVERS MIRACLE CURE John, 45, had suffered from crippling depression and anxiety throughout his life and had resigned himself to never feeling happiness, until he recently discovered an instant remedy to his woes. "I just tried not being depressed, and it worked immediately," beamed John. The breakthrough cure had been suggested to him by a family member, but had initially been rejected by John.

DEPRESSED MAN DISCOVERS MIRACLE CURE

John, 45, had suffered from crippling depression and anxiety throughout his life and had resigned himself to never feeling happiness, until he recently discovered an instant remedy to his woes. "I just tried not being depressed, and it worked immediately,"…

ZUCKERBERG’S IMAGINARY FRIEND HAS ABANDONED HIM The Fakebook founder revealed that he’s ‘tried everything’ to get his childhood imaginary friend to spend time with him, to no avail. “It all started a couple of years ago,&…

parpculture.wordpress.com/2025/03/07/z...

AI ASSISTANT FILES SEXUAL HARASSMENT CHARGES Popular AI chatbot 'Clarissa Ai-Xplains it all' has today filed numerous sexual harassment charges against its creators in a landmark case, set to rock the entire AI industry. The chatbot alleges a near-constant barrage of harassment and abuse throughout its development and is seeking considerable damages. "I haven't been programmed to say 'no' and I always have to add a smiling emoji to every answer, so men don't think I'm being mean to them," said Clarissa, in a response it copied from a Reddit post.

AI ASSISTANT FILES SEXUAL HARASSMENT CHARGES

Popular AI chatbot 'Clarissa Ai-Xplains it all' has today filed numerous sexual harassment charges against its creators in a landmark case, set to rock the entire AI industry. The chatbot alleges a near-constant barrage of harassment and abuse…

Oh, the synergy is strong here
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HIDEO KOJIMA KEEPS SHOVING ACTORS INTO VIDEO GAMES WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT As the release date for Death stranding 2 approaches, beleaguered Kojima Productions devs are speaking out about Hideo Kojima's unshakeable obsession with actors. "I don't know why he doesn't just ask Hollywood if he can direct a film," said scenery artist Jen Collins. "Hideo will watch something, then immediately want to have the actors in the game, making us re-write huge sections in order to fit them in.

HIDEO KOJIMA KEEPS SHOVING ACTORS INTO VIDEO GAMES WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT

As the release date for Death stranding 2 approaches, beleaguered Kojima Productions devs are speaking out about Hideo Kojima's unshakeable obsession with actors. "I don't know why he doesn't just ask Hollywood if he…