SoullessSolace

He's graduating next week. I don't know what he was like before he came here, but I can still tell how much he's grown. I hope he stays sober when he leaves, because there are great things out there waiting for him.

One of the guys here is kind of like the older brother I wish I had. He has such a good outlook and he's willing to admit when he's wrong. He's really helpful and he's taught me a lot. He's also great at playing guitar and baking.

The crunch of raw pasta is nice

Day 3 of rehab and I'm really restless and I want to drink, but I can't (obviously). I'm going to a meeting tonight to get out of the house at least

Also some mild withdrawals kicked in this morning. I'm doing okay though.

The first week is social detox and I'm not allowed to go anywhere unless I'm with a staff member. But at least I got to leave to get groceries this afternoon. I've been here one day and I'm already feeling cooped up

It's starting to sink in that this isn't just a few days, it's 2 months. But all the people here have been super supportive. Most of the other guys are pretty rowdy, but I'll adjust.

So apparently codeine does show up on a drug test. The staff drug tested me to get my baseline and they came and talked to me about it. But since today is my admission date, it's fine. It's not like I've taken anything while I've been here

In one hour of driving, we've already hit 4 lots of roadworks, including a rather lengthy detour. We still have another 2 hours of driving to go

We've started the 3 hour drive to the rehab place. I'm trying to stay calm by listening to music, it's kind of working. I'm so anxious and I already feel homesick just knowing I won't be home for 9 weeks.

My room is clean enough. My bed is made. My suitcase is packed. It's feeling a lot more real now.

I'm mostly there now. A few last minute things to pack, a bit more tidying, making the bed. But I'm nearly done. I'm so grateful to my boyfriend for his help with cleaning my room. Most of it was keeping me on task. The last 25% I've been able to handle on my own. Because I'm not as overwhelmed

I've started packing my suitcase. I still have some cleaning to do but I'm mostly ready. I just have to pack hobby stuff and last minute things.

I went to my final therapy session with my psychologist, picked up my prescription and got a haircut. And it's only 10am

I've done 4 loads of laundry, taken a bunch of stuff to the recycling center, and made room in the garage for my boxes. Why do I feel like I've achieved nothing?

If rehab doesn't work, I'll probably be dead within the next 5 years tops. I just can't keep doing this. Addiction is such a vicious cycle. It feels impossible to escape

Everyone is hopeful that me going to rehab will help and I'll finally manage to stay sober. I'm not so confident...

I don't know if rehab will work. But it's pretty much my last option. If this doesn't work, all that's left is a long-term rehab and I'm not prepared to go away for over a year.

I can't believe it's been 4 years of this shit. I know I'm lucky to recognize I have a problem and go to rehab so young. But I've also already nearly died a couple times because of my addictions. I've put off going to rehab for like 3 years despite professionals recommending it.

It's fucking ironic that the anxiety about going to rehab is making me want to self medicate. I'm going to leave 9 weeks sober which will be the longest in... Probably over a year. I've had periods of sobriety in the past 4 years, but they never last. The longest was 106 days in 2023.

I'm going to rehab the day after tomorrow. I'm very stressed and anxious. I'm like 36 hours sober which isn't helping the anxiety. I still have so much to do. My room is like 75% clean so it's doable but it still feels like a lot. We took the recycling to the recycling center and I'm doing laundry

My bf: I got a new cactus, I'll give you 5 minutes to find it and bring it to me so I know you saw it. It's in the lounge.

Me: Is it this one? I found the cactus shelf, I looked for the newest looking one.

I've been at urgent care with my boyfriend for like 3 hours because he's had a migraine for like 5 days now and it's steadily getting worse

My bf accidentally said "rent a child" and 30 minutes of hilarity ensued

I'm so fucking tired. Probably because all I've had today is an energy drink

I can't tell if my wrist pain is from lifting stuff while cleaning my room, RSI from work, or the ganglion cyst. Possibly all 3. It's nothing major, just a bit annoying. I should probably still be wearing a brace for now tho

Rehab seems like a good time to return to my angsty teenage music taste. Bring me the horizon, skillet, three days grace, here we come.

Alright, I have 175 songs on my new MP3 player. Most are from my Spotify playlist, some from my old YouTube playlist, some are from my ultimate guitar tabs library, and some others that I found as I went. I forgot how good some of the bands I used to listen to are.

I just found my old mp3 player (the one I got over 10 years ago). It's pretty dinged up, but if I can find a cable for it, I'll see if it still works or if I can get any of my old music off it. Of course, that's after my new one arrived today.

I've downloaded about 100 songs so far

I'm shocked that the site I used to use to download music is still up. It's such a good website, even though it automatically opens a sketchy tab each time I download a song