trev

Nobody better tell the United States that the United States has nuclear weapons or the United States will be in BIG trouble

If some loser starts talking about how roasts are the pinnacle of comedy because there are no rules and you can say whatever mean thing you want because it’s “just jokes”, show them the Roast of Donald Trump where Anthony Jeselnik tells him nobody would be sad if he got cancer and see how they react

1 me vs 100 my nervous system

They call it GTA VI because you’re gonna need 6 PCs to run it

Broke: getting mad at the Black Dahlia Murder playing a couple shows without Brian and having Guy from the Red Chord fill in bc “it’s just not the same band anymore”

Woke: getting mad at the Black Dahlia Murder playing a couple shows without Brian and having Guy fill in bc Guy is a cop

Bong rip in the mega church call me Bowl Osteen

dudes can imagine 100 of them beating up a gorilla but they can’t imagine an end to capitalism

One hundred men could definitely take on one gorilla if the gorilla was Chris Pontius in a gorilla suit

I’m tired of identifying 5 things i can see, 4 things i can touch, 3 things i can hear, 2 things i can smell, and 1 thing i can taste, grandpa

I hope the New Pope™️ gets a normal ass name like Pope Jeff

weed should be legal for everybody except boomers

You mean to tell me “salmon” isn’t pronounced like “Saul Goodman” without the “good”

The existence of a Mannequin Pussy implies the existence of a Mannequin Penis

3 nails
1 cross
4/20

Lakers in 5

dire wolf, shmire wolf, I will never retire wolf

When you die you go straight to hell. You are given a choice between two rooms, where you will spend all eternity being tortured by either “die hard is a Xmas movie” guy or “idiocracy is a documentary” guy. The torment repeats until you finally accept Jesus Christ in ur heart as ur lord and savior

Smug person who can’t stop relating current events to fictional pieces of media reading about extinct animals being brought back to life by scientists: “wow am I the only one who thinks Jurassic Park is becoming a documentary”

“The thing about depression and anxiety is that it’s all in your head” yeah well the thing about shit and poop is it’s all in your butt, shut the fuck up

I think it’s time to take a tolerance break so with that being said I am happy to announce I’m not tolerating anybody’s bullshit

so tired of “it is what it is” discourse like yeah ok bitch but what if it was what it isn’t

any time somebody sends me a jd vance meme I ignore it. Tf you want me to do, laugh? No. That face does not inspire laughter or spark joy. That is a horrifying face

“put your phone down at concerts! You’re supposed to live in the moment” motherfucker I am trying to learn what the guitar player is playing because it’s a fuckin cool ass riff

used to play elder scrolls now I am the elder who scrolls

It’s 3/16 Day and we’re all getting older so I thought i should be the one to tell yall

Steve Austin isn’t real

Your parents dress up as Stone Cold and drink beer and stomp mudholes in sumbitches

I’m sorry you had to find out this way

“Those energy drinks are going to give you a kidney stone” have u considered I want my kidneys to be stoned

Normalize saying “that ain’t for me” and being real annoying about it

The existence of a metta world peace implies the existence of a metta world war

I don’t want a “career” I don’t want “the bag” I want to be “medically induced” into a “coma”