Jason Waterfalls

They’re always on the path of making life more difficult, which isn’t surprising considering that it’s the party of jaguars biting faces off (but also being disturbed and surprised when they bite THEIR faces off)

When my phlebotomist takes my vitals and he’s like “you have high blood pressure” and I’m like yeah I have anxiety, and he’s like have you considered concentrating on deep breaths? And I’m like well the whole point of anxiety is that you can’t stop thinking about taking deep breaths

#pnd

They’re the last generation that’s gonna have social security, so they’re milking it for all it’s worth

And it’s just a quick little jingle, they have to play the whole extended version of good long winceslas just in case you weren’t standing right in front of it

Where The Red Fern Grows (bonus points cause it’s 2 and they loved eachother) &, Balto (bonus points cause it’s a classic) & Old Yeller (bonus points cause he got sick & died tragically), & Lady and the tramp (bonus points cause they were in love), & 101 Dalmatians (bonus points cause so many dogs)

???

Not every store that sells bagels has to be a bodega

Strangely enough I’m lactose intolerant but cheese doesn’t screw me up, it’s those giant glasses of chocolate milk that wreck my gut biome. Who knew

That’s just how people be

Mom it’s actually not real like it didn’t happen

I actually say that “I know this isn’t the first time you’ve failed to solve a problem” and then they give a $100 off coupon cause they still don’t wanna fix it

To add to that, my blinds are f*kd cause it was getting chased by a raptor, like a bird of prey like an owl or a falcon or something. And I’ve watched it climb to roofs so it’s probably the same cat like “FINALLY”

It might be, but it got a bath so it’s not covered in dirt anymore… maybe that’s because of the bath I gave it two years ago

And my friends don’t believe me when I say I have cats around me all the time even tho there are no cats around (per owls and dogs) like where did this guy come from

Went on a date with a guy who was a teacher, and it became glaringly apparent that I was more educated than him after multiple times of him being like “what’s a scientific name” and “what’s the Pythagorean theorem”. I’m like dude you’re the educator here

It’s the homosexuality

Anxiety is discouraging many of us

Oh my god

The dichotomy

Sandra bullock is listening

Me when I get 3

Fr he tried to take me on a picnic next to a lake with swans and shower me with apologies I was like dude you really are wasting both of our time. And stop spending my money on charcuterie and league of legends skins cause I need that to take my ass home.

And now here we are!

Hi all four of you who actually like me