Icarus

at least you didn't need 3-5 apps to watch your favorite sportsball teams

I don't accept cookies on websites, because I was raised not to take treats from strangers.

he doesn't know that one trick publishers hate (but secretly love): have a group of sycophants buy up bulk blocks of your book to skew the best seller's lists?

a cartoon girl in a blue dress is kneeling in a field holding a bag ALT: a cartoon girl in a blue dress is kneeling in a field holding a bag

fool me once, shame on you, fool me every time since, please elect smarter leaders

that works out to once a month. Is it at least the same day, so you can plan accordingly?

After 6 months, 42 trips to Home Depot, 38 blisters, and throwing my back out -
Today I was able to eat my $632.00 salad.

Democrats in 2024: Trump will push 10s of millions off of Medicaid if he wins

Corporate Media: Democrats are liars, Trump promises not to cut anyone from Medicaid if he wins

<Trump wins and cuts 13.7 million off of Medicaid>

Corporate Media: real barn burner last night in House, so much fun!

The Democrats are like a Chicago Sports team: make the playoffs once a decade and advance once per vicennial. Just enough to keep the fan base from completely giving up.

Max seemed like an attempt to enter the soft porn industry

I think this covers everyone. If I missed anyone, Happy Mother's Day as well.

word on the street is the new Pope will be changing Mass. From now on, the body of Christ is deep dish communion wafers, and the blood is Malort.

#NewPope

Being an adult means being excited that you found a box big enough to put the contents of two smaller boxes into, so that you can claim you organized this weekend.

I follow this guy on Patreon who wrote a great summary about how the media needs the clickviews.

This version describe me

Remember Thelma and Louise? This is Scumball and Sleaze

I'm at the age where my mind firmly believes I'm 29, my humor suggests I'm 12, and my body died in the Civil War

I'm gonna say strategic would be "I have to get my nap in mid-afternoon so I can still go to sleep at a normal hour" and tactical is "well I have nothing else to do for an hour but I'm sleepY"

but what kind of pizza? we need this information and we need it now.

All of the research that has ever been done on coups shows that successful coups are often, nearly always, preceded by (and followed by!) unsuccessful coups.

The #TikTok ban: A bunch of old people banning something a bunch of young people enjoy is so on-brand for America.

Remember the true meaning of the holidays: it's the reason you moved away from you family in the first place!

My sense is authorities and many in the media deliberately chose the word “manifesto” early on because it sounds nutty and annoying. Whereas “a note justifying his actions” seems reasonable and something one may read with an open mind

People treat this stuff like you’re invited to an inner circle from a Bond movie and get to see a new version of the JFK assassination filmed from an angle you’ve never seen before. Actually the demands of the surveillance state mean they hand this shit out like candy.

I honestly cannot understand how liberal institutionalists are so enamored with a 250 year old document written by drunk syphilitic slaveholders despite its mainfest failures. It didn't even last a century before it caused the country to fracture into civil war! Should have been rewritten in 1866.

Be angry. Be unforgiving. Make holiday dinners with your racist misogynist uncle as awkward and uncomfortable as possible.

Merrick Garland Failed America Jack Smith is doing the attorney general’s job for him, 28 months after it should have been done.

worst attorney general in American history. he had one job prospect.org/justice/2023...

to celebrate Columbus Day I like to get lost in the grocery stores while looking for spices

least she gets any ideas, I always remind my wife that while there are dads who do even more than I do, they already have husbands.

if your dinner time and bedtime are getting closer and closer together, it might be time to schedule your colonoscopy.

Me: Alexa, come up with one meal my entire family will eat.

Alexa: [catches on fire]